When to meet his kids

[Anonymous]

Do you think boys and girls are any different from each other on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and meet them. I actually don't think it's a big deal if you don't sleep over. (Yes, I am a divorced mom) but do NOT expect those kids to like you. Teenagers are the most territorial over their divorced parents. At best, theyll be indifferent but in my experience, being in their house turns teen into hostile monsters.

I can attest that to the hostile monsters part.

When does the hostile monsters part start? ~Mom of 13.5 year old boy, he is still a great kid

[Anonymous]

Teenagers are the scariest creatures on earth. Never mind teenagers who's parents recently divorced. Give it time OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and meet them. I actually don't think it's a big deal if you don't sleep over. (Yes, I am a divorced mom) but do NOT expect those kids to like you. Teenagers are the most territorial over their divorced parents. At best, theyll be indifferent but in my experience, being in their house turns teen into hostile monsters.

I can attest that to the hostile monsters part.

When does the hostile monsters part start? ~Mom of 13.5 year old boy, he is still a great kid

Are you divorced and has your 13 year old met your partner? That’s when some flip the switch to hostile monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

I speak from experience here: Be prepared for the teens to be hostile. No, they can't dictate. But, they probably won't accept you. Certainly not at first and possibly not ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually had the experience of meeting my now husbands children a bunch of times before I met him. It’s a long story so I will skip it but when I met their Dad the children were so at ease with me that when we started dating the kids were not phased by it. They liked me and the fact that their dad liked me was fine. If they were teen agers it might have been different.

Fazed. Not "phased."

[Anonymous]

I know people in their 50s and 60s who never accepted their widowed parents new partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You bf sound like a moron and a bad father. Move on.

He’s not. He’s smart and a really good father.

Sounds like he's dying to tell his ex to rub her nose in it. Why does he have to tell her about you at all?

They co parent well. He wants to tell her and get her agreement before he tell the kids.

pp here who warned you about hostility.

Oh, hell no on this. My ex doesn't get veto power on my love life. There's no way, no how.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my sister is dating a guy who had two teenagers when they met, and when they were not hostile, though perhaps a bit distant/polite. After a few years, they were able to travel together, including with her own (younger) kids. It doesn't always need to go badly. (Their parents did get divorced when they were younger, so that may or may not make a difference.)

[Anonymous]

Teenage girls of Dads dating will especially turn into hostile monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been almost 6 months. He is telling ex and them about me tonight and wants to be able to have me around.

IMO making our lives easier is not the priority here, kids should get a voice in timing and extent of exposure to dad’s girlfriend. Plus it seems early to me. Kids are teens. I’d be the first gf they’ve met.

Who’s right?

On one hand it’s not healthy for teens to think they can dictate their parents’ lives. On the other hand I’m sensitive to what they might feel.

Not my kids, not my choices. But, what does DCUM think?

I think the bigger issue is that you think it's too soon and your boyfriend seems to be pushing full steam ahead, despite your concerns. I think you are correct and you are being very level-headed about this. I'm not jazzed at how your boyfriend is going about it.