I don’t think OP is being unreasonable at all. It’s called common courtesy. I’d be worried and pissed, in that order. It really takes so little to send a text, especially on NYE where you worry half the people on the roads have been drinking. |
I think your son probably hooked up with somebody and doesn't want to tell you about it. Concerned that if he texted that he's OK, you would be asking where are you, etc. etc. Some things 19-year-old want to keep private. |
Completely agree with this. |
If he was in an accident, the police would have already called. He is passed out somewhere and will wake up soon. |
I totally agree by the way- I was a more replying to the entire chain…. Not your responses only- sorry about that! Your points are spot on. |
No I would not want that text...just something like "I decided to spent the night out where I am. Talk to you tomorrow". This would eliminate many many of mom's concerns, |
OP, has he come home? |
OP here- he was ok and at a friends house - I figured he was ok- but still aggravated. I tracked him down and he called me back finally from friends phone.
I appreciate all the comments on DCMF and feel most agreed ok to have expectation of letting parents know if not coming home. He knew we were pissed- big reason is was New Year’s Eve and second time in one week. I did yell at him ( after telling him I wanted to talk after cooling down but he wanted to talk now). So he knows how frustrating it is to wonder if all ok. And how simple it would be to just text us his general plan. I asked him how he might think we’d feel this morning when walked into his room and him not being there and no text and 4 am driving. |
He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.
Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m. |
I'm glad he's OK! Also glad you yelled at him ![]() |
It’s just really sad that you, of all people with a kid the same age, can’t empathize for one second what it would feel like to walk into a room with your kid not there IN THE CONTEXT of him drinking heavily the week before and just having a sit down where he agreed to communicate. You haven’t been spending the last 10 hours wondering if your kid is really okay. Dial back the parenting advice and just say, “I’m glad he’s safe.” |
When I was home on college breaks I would stay out until 2 am. There was no text required by 12:30 am because there were no cell phones. My parents went to bed around 10 pm. Unclench. |
Agree, it’s about communication, not control. |
You have Life 360 on his phone which he allows and you still expect him to call in? It seems like it should be one or the other not both. When he is in college and stays out late do you make him call you at 1:30 am? |
NP. Sure he’s a legal adult, but he is also completely dependent on his parents as he is not putting himself through school, doesn’t own his own car, etc. You can pull the legal adult card all day long when I am no longer responsible for you. But if I’m supporting you through college and providing you a place to stay and food to eat free of charge during breaks, you still need to abide by my rules. |