19 Yo son (college freshman home) never came home last night

[Anonymous]

Please let us know he is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing but sympathy. They are just the worst at 19. Straight up butt heads.

If he’s driving your car, shut that down for the remainder of break. Let him handle his own meals, laundry, etc. Or just send him back to school now.

To the poster who said he’s an adult: Yes technically he is. I’m pretty sure OP knows how old her kid is. The issue is the responsibility he assumes by staying in his parents’ house to follow the rules they set. If he doesn’t like it, he can go pay for his own hotel.

Don’t do any of this.

I agree he’s not really an adult. Legal adult is not biological adult.

Freshman are so much more inconsiderate than seniors.

They’ve had a 1st taste of independence and not checking in every night with parents.

It’s a process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please let us know he is ok.

Not OP… but, he’s okay,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he did this last Saturday week ago at a party at the lake- we were really worried because it isn’t the best roads to get there and we had specifically told him to text us on way home.
He apologized. We said all the reasons he should both respect and for concern. He was clearly drinking a lot. Again- didn’t have to come home but should have texted he is staying all night at lake.
But now he does it again on the night we had long conversation about our concerns- told him UBeR told him how worried I feel and no driving after midnight due to the drunks on the road- I would pick up- he can Uber. But to do none of that and not text is completely wrong!!
What should I say??? How should I handle??? Two times he’s done this this week.
He goes out of state to tough college so we pay - he works in summer but he’s college freshman- that’s why he’s dependent.

He is way out of line if you all went over this because of a recent incident. I would ban him from driving, since presumably he does not own the car he's driving.

But right now I just hope he comes home in one piece.

[Anonymous]

Op here- his phone goes to voicemail.
And he could have been in Uber- by why Uber at 3:50 from one neighborhood to the next? Why wouldn’t that be Uber home?
That’s what concerns me. No idea the location he Ubers to.

[Anonymous]

Why is an Uber safer than driving? Assuming both drivers aren’t intoxicated or haven’t been drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- his phone goes to voicemail.
And he could have been in Uber- by why Uber at 3:50 from one neighborhood to the next? Why wouldn’t that be Uber home?
That’s what concerns me. No idea the location he Ubers to.

Have you heard of a bar crawl? Maybe he’s doing this with friends at different houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing but sympathy. They are just the worst at 19. Straight up butt heads.

If he’s driving your car, shut that down for the remainder of break. Let him handle his own meals, laundry, etc. Or just send him back to school now.

To the poster who said he’s an adult: Yes technically he is. I’m pretty sure OP knows how old her kid is. The issue is the responsibility he assumes by staying in his parents’ house to follow the rules they set. If he doesn’t like it, he can go pay for his own hotel.

Don’t do any of this.

I agree he’s not really an adult. Legal adult is not biological adult.

Freshman are so much more inconsiderate than seniors.

They’ve had a 1st taste of independence and not checking in every night with parents.

It’s a process.

I guess you didn’t read the part where OP said he’s been drinking. He’s not making great decisions right now based on the two data points this week. Why are against taking access to the car away? Please explain that. Are you really saying it would be okay for him to go out with friends this coming weekend after these last two incidents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he did this last Saturday week ago at a party at the lake- we were really worried because it isn’t the best roads to get there and we had specifically told him to text us on way home.
He apologized. We said all the reasons he should both respect and for concern. He was clearly drinking a lot. Again- didn’t have to come home but should have texted he is staying all night at lake.
But now he does it again on the night we had long conversation about our concerns- told him UBeR told him how worried I feel and no driving after midnight due to the drunks on the road- I would pick up- he can Uber. But to do none of that and not text is completely wrong!!
What should I say??? How should I handle??? Two times he’s done this this week.
He goes out of state to tough college so we pay - he works in summer but he’s college freshman- that’s why he’s dependent.

He is way out of line if you all went over this because of a recent incident. I would ban him from driving, since presumably he does not own the car he's driving.

But right now I just hope he comes home in one piece.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an Uber safer than driving? Assuming both drivers aren’t intoxicated or haven’t been drinking.

Because usually Uber drivers are sober and people who need Ubers on NYE aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please let us know he is ok.

Not OP… but, he’s okay,

Survivor bias, PP? Go away. You'd be worried sick if this was your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is an Uber safer than driving? Assuming both drivers aren’t intoxicated or haven’t been drinking.

Because usually Uber drivers are sober and people who need Ubers on NYE aren't.

Did you actually read my post? I said assuming both drivers haven’t been drinking.

[Anonymous]

Your son is likely ok if he was ubering at 330 am He may be with a girl or a boy that he hooked up with (not necessarily a stranger)

[Anonymous]

Op, you have been very unreasonable. He is being less unreasonable. Maybe he was getting laid (ordinary behavior, btw). Or he was too drunk or too tired to drive and it was the right decision to not come home. And calling you or texting with an irate parent, maybe he's just done.

He is supposed to text us anytime he’s out past 12:30 am ~ this is too early. An early curfew is ridiculous but that's my opinion. Btw, if it matters, I'm a Grandma so I'm not some young, wild thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult

NP. Adults don’t behave that way. At least not responsible ones. There’s a common courtesy aspect at play here.