19 Yo son (college freshman home) never came home last night

[Anonymous]

I’m furious! And worried- our freshman in college is home for holiday - he’s 19 -yes I get it- but he still has to follow house rules and show consideration.
Didn’t call didn’t text- this is second time this week . It’s now 10am and we have no idea where he is.
Life 360 shows he was driving at 3:50 amNew Year’s Eve last nite then phone dead.
I’m worried but feel mostly so mad.

He is supposed to text us anytime he’s out past 12:30 am where he is. And although we didn’t set a curfew, I do feel now that is necessary. What he does at college is his business as long as he keeps grades up— but what would you do about the staying out all night so damn inconsiderate and rude. We pay all expenses for him btw so he is totally dependent.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I have an 18 year old college freshman and if he did that I'd be really worried too!

I hope he comes home safe and sound. Please give us an update when you can.

[Anonymous]

If this is unlike him -- then I would worry that something bad has happened to him.

If I wasn't worried I would assume he was too drunk to come home and is sleeping it off on a floor somewhere

Please come back and let us know......

[Anonymous]

We have a rule that he texts by 10 am but I had to make that rule after he didn’t.

Explain calmly that you worry and it’s kind to keep you informed.

You should calm down before you talk to him.

[Anonymous]

He’s an adult

[Anonymous]

Address it same way you would with an adult guest in your home.

[Anonymous]

The problem is not refusing to follow rules, but that you didn’t install a sense of respect. My college kids know not to make us worry.

[Anonymous]

Why are you paying all of his expenses??

[Anonymous]

OP here- he did this last Saturday week ago at a party at the lake- we were really worried because it isn’t the best roads to get there and we had specifically told him to text us on way home.
He apologized. We said all the reasons he should both respect and for concern. He was clearly drinking a lot. Again- didn’t have to come home but should have texted he is staying all night at lake.
But now he does it again on the night we had long conversation about our concerns- told him UBeR told him how worried I feel and no driving after midnight due to the drunks on the road- I would pick up- he can Uber. But to do none of that and not text is completely wrong!!
What should I say??? How should I handle??? Two times he’s done this this week.
He goes out of state to tough college so we pay - he works in summer but he’s college freshman- that’s why he’s dependent.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to be livid. Hopefully he’s ok.

[Anonymous]

We have a 19 year old freshman too. When he got home for break we talked about this issue explaining that we weren’t interested in parenting him with a curfew, but as a member of our family who lives in our home, he has a responsibility to communicate with us. I’d never stay out all night without letting them know where I was, and the expectation is the same for our adult child. I’d be so worried too, OP. Please keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

Nothing but sympathy. They are just the worst at 19. Straight up butt heads.

If he’s driving your car, shut that down for the remainder of break. Let him handle his own meals, laundry, etc. Or just send him back to school now.

To the poster who said he’s an adult: Yes technically he is. I’m pretty sure OP knows how old her kid is. The issue is the responsibility he assumes by staying in his parents’ house to follow the rules they set. If he doesn’t like it, he can go pay for his own hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he did this last Saturday week ago at a party at the lake- we were really worried because it isn’t the best roads to get there and we had specifically told him to text us on way home.
He apologized. We said all the reasons he should both respect and for concern. He was clearly drinking a lot. Again- didn’t have to come home but should have texted he is staying all night at lake.
But now he does it again on the night we had long conversation about our concerns- told him UBeR told him how worried I feel and no driving after midnight due to the drunks on the road- I would pick up- he can Uber. But to do none of that and not text is completely wrong!!
What should I say??? How should I handle??? Two times he’s done this this week.
He goes out of state to tough college so we pay - he works in summer but he’s college freshman- that’s why he’s dependent.

It’s sounds like your son is doing some heavy drinking. Do you think he’s drinking and driving? I’m the PP with a 19 year old and if that were the case I think I’d have to take his keys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- he did this last Saturday week ago at a party at the lake- we were really worried because it isn’t the best roads to get there and we had specifically told him to text us on way home.
He apologized. We said all the reasons he should both respect and for concern. He was clearly drinking a lot. Again- didn’t have to come home but should have texted he is staying all night at lake.
But now he does it again on the night we had long conversation about our concerns- told him UBeR told him how worried I feel and no driving after midnight due to the drunks on the road- I would pick up- he can Uber. But to do none of that and not text is completely wrong!!
What should I say??? How should I handle??? Two times he’s done this this week.
He goes out of state to tough college so we pay - he works in summer but he’s college freshman- that’s why he’s dependent.

Whose car is he driving? And how much longer is he staying at home?

[Anonymous]

You’re catastrophizing, don’t do that.

You need to calm down and express to him your worry.

Don’t try to control him with restrictions.

How do you know he was driving and not in an Uber?