19 Yo son (college freshman home) never came home last night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- his phone goes to voicemail.
And he could have been in Uber- by why Uber at 3:50 from one neighborhood to the next? Why wouldn’t that be Uber home?
That’s what concerns me. No idea the location he Ubers to.

Have you heard of a bar crawl? Maybe he’s doing this with friends at different houses?

Agreed. My 19 yo self would have been going to different parties. That was the year I got an apartment and came home for the holidays but spent the majority of breaks at the apartment. Now as a parent I see how that caused us all a lot less stress.

I agree that he should at least send a text if he’s not coming home. It’s basic respect.

[Anonymous]

And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is an Uber safer than driving? Assuming both drivers aren’t intoxicated or haven’t been drinking.

Because usually Uber drivers are sober and people who need Ubers on NYE aren't.

Did you actually read my post? I said assuming both drivers haven’t been drinking.

I did, and it doesn't apply to this context, does it, with a college student who goes out to party and drink. Why ask a stupid question that isn't tailored to the OP's situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

Op here- he had battery life at 3:50– so way before then he could have texted “hey I’m going to Nicks yo spendnnite with some buddies”

12:30 is our timeframe to just let us know rough idea of his plans- that’s it- “I’ll be home in about hour”—- “I’m staying at Dave’s”—- whatever.

I don’t feel like a freshman home for holidays is too unnumbered by letting their folks now at 12:30 they are/ are not headed home. Then when I wake up I have an idea where he ended up.
It’s 3 weeks at Xmas and 2.5 months in summer and it makes me know he’s resonably safe— feel like that’s a pretty simple ask.
Honestly, I’m 50 and when I go to my parents house, I always say where I’m going out of just normal courtesy— “hey I’m going to dinner with friends tonite”—- “im going to mall”—- it just seems normal.
Then if I never came home, they would know it’s not like me and to worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

Op here- he had battery life at 3:50– so way before then he could have texted “hey I’m going to Nicks yo spendnnite with some buddies”

12:30 is our timeframe to just let us know rough idea of his plans- that’s it- “I’ll be home in about hour”—- “I’m staying at Dave’s”—- whatever.

I don’t feel like a freshman home for holidays is too unnumbered by letting their folks now at 12:30 they are/ are not headed home. Then when I wake up I have an idea where he ended up.
It’s 3 weeks at Xmas and 2.5 months in summer and it makes me know he’s resonably safe— feel like that’s a pretty simple ask.
Honestly, I’m 50 and when I go to my parents house, I always say where I’m going out of just normal courtesy— “hey I’m going to dinner with friends tonite”—- “im going to mall”—- it just seems normal.
Then if I never came home, they would know it’s not like me and to worry.

PP you replied to. I totally get you. But I'm just saying, now you can't even call or check his location. Next time, I hope he can have a fully charged phone that lasts until he comes home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

Op here- he had battery life at 3:50– so way before then he could have texted “hey I’m going to Nicks yo spendnnite with some buddies”

12:30 is our timeframe to just let us know rough idea of his plans- that’s it- “I’ll be home in about hour”—- “I’m staying at Dave’s”—- whatever.

I don’t feel like a freshman home for holidays is too unnumbered by letting their folks now at 12:30 they are/ are not headed home. Then when I wake up I have an idea where he ended up.
It’s 3 weeks at Xmas and 2.5 months in summer and it makes me know he’s resonably safe— feel like that’s a pretty simple ask.
Honestly, I’m 50 and when I go to my parents house, I always say where I’m going out of just normal courtesy— “hey I’m going to dinner with friends tonite”—- “im going to mall”—- it just seems normal.
Then if I never came home, they would know it’s not like me and to worry.

I understand that, you are replying to me. I’m your age and absolutely tell my parents where I’m going to the minute when I’m visiting. But we are middle age. Remember being young? You are hoping to hook up with someone you meet and sometimes they spend the night together. We didn’t have cells to text our parents - I just met this hot guy and might stay over if it goes well, don’t wait up. Think about it- you don’t want to get that text!

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids, 18 college freshmen and 19 college sophomore, they both were out all night last night the sophomore just walked in the door and my freshman is still out

I am confident that your son is okay. You need to trust him

[Anonymous]

OP—you still haven’t answered: Was he driving last night? And if so, whose car is it?


I’m sure he’s fine. But as the parent of a 22 year old ds, I understand exactly where you’re sitting right now.

[Anonymous]

Just assume he’s likely to stay out when he goes out and don’t worry about him when he does. If he’d gotten into an accident or something you’d have been notified by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is an Uber safer than driving? Assuming both drivers aren’t intoxicated or haven’t been drinking.

Because usually Uber drivers are sober and people who need Ubers on NYE aren't.

Did you actually read my post? I said assuming both drivers haven’t been drinking.

I did, and it doesn't apply to this context, does it, with a college student who goes out to party and drink. Why ask a stupid question that isn't tailored to the OP's situation?

+1

[Anonymous]

I have a 19YO college freshman and a 17YO high school junior. Communication, especially when tied to safety is non-negotiable.

If it were my kid, they would no longer have access to the family car while home over break. If our 19YO takes a family car out at night he must be home by 12 or must communicate that he is staying at a friend's before 12. Also, the car does not go on the road past midnight no matter where the kid spends the night. Nothing good happens after midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have been very unreasonable. He is being less unreasonable. Maybe he was getting laid (ordinary behavior, btw). Or he was too drunk or too tired to drive and it was the right decision to not come home. And calling you or texting with an irate parent, maybe he's just done.

He is supposed to text us anytime he’s out past [b]12:30 am ~ this is too early. An early curfew is ridiculous but that's my opinion. [/b]Btw, if it matters, I'm a Grandma so I'm not some young, wild thing.

New poster here. I have kids that are in their early 20's and late teens (including a 19 year old college sophomore) for context.

12:30 isn't a "curfew," OP is just asking for a curtesy text. A text only takes a few seconds to send and is perfectly reasonable, especially if OP is paying for the phone.
I'd be inclined to take the phone away-not physically strong arm the actual device out of his hands...but take that line off my phone plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have been very unreasonable. He is being less unreasonable. Maybe he was getting laid (ordinary behavior, btw). Or he was too drunk or too tired to drive and it was the right decision to not come home. And calling you or texting with an irate parent, maybe he's just done.

He is supposed to text us anytime he’s out past [b]12:30 am ~ this is too early. An early curfew is ridiculous but that's my opinion. [/b]Btw, if it matters, I'm a Grandma so I'm not some young, wild thing.

New poster here. I have kids that are in their early 20's and late teens (including a 19 year old college sophomore) for context.

12:30 isn't a "curfew," OP is just asking for a curtesy text. A text only takes a few seconds to send and is perfectly reasonable, especially if OP is paying for the phone.
I'd be inclined to take the phone away-not physically strong arm the actual device out of his hands...but take that line off my phone plan.

Your solution to him not texting to check in is to cut off his ability to ever text to check in? Then OP couldn’t track him on Life360 at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have been very unreasonable. He is being less unreasonable. Maybe he was getting laid (ordinary behavior, btw). Or he was too drunk or too tired to drive and it was the right decision to not come home. And calling you or texting with an irate parent, maybe he's just done.

He is supposed to text us anytime he’s out past [b]12:30 am ~ this is too early. An early curfew is ridiculous but that's my opinion. [/b]Btw, if it matters, I'm a Grandma so I'm not some young, wild thing.

New poster here. I have kids that are in their early 20's and late teens (including a 19 year old college sophomore) for context.

12:30 isn't a "curfew," OP is just asking for a curtesy text. A text only takes a few seconds to send and is perfectly reasonable, especially if OP is paying for the phone.
I'd be inclined to take the phone away-not physically strong arm the actual device out of his hands...but take that line off my phone plan.

Your solution to him not texting to check in is to cut off his ability to ever text to check in? Then OP couldn’t track him on Life360 at all.

He's not using the phone to text check ins anyway, so why should OP pay for him to text friends?
I don't track my kids on Life360 at all so I don't even know what OP would be missing out on if she couldn't do that.