19 Yo son (college freshman home) never came home last night

[Anonymous]

this talk of adults who are entirely financially depending while on a four year vacation at a so-called college is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is likely used to a lot of autonomy when away at school. I had a similar experience with my parents when I was in college. They expected me to check I and I was used to being on my own. I got a little speech about staying out all night. I decided to not come home at all after that. I would stay with friends ornmy boyfriend during breaks and just stop by to visit.

This is fake post for sure. lol! So easy to pick out.

My response is not fake. I have a great relationship with my parents but I did not come home during breaks after freshman year. I stayed with friends.

You were not an easy person, were you? That was just really cold.

I concur with PPs - it’s not about independence or autonomy - it’s common courtesy. I would certainly text my husband (and 18 year old, who is home on break) if I was going to be out unusually late so they didn’t wait up and worry. My kid doesn’t have a curfew anymore but if he’s on the road on NYE, he knows to give us a heads-up. He has full autonomy, FFS.

I don’t live in the same city as my elderly mom but I knew she was walking to and from dinner in the dark last night and I checked in to make sure she got home safely.

This. You are an outlier.

[Anonymous]

These responses are nuts. I'm 48. I routinely visit my parents' city for business travel and stay with them about the half the time. If I'm late - I text. No reason a 19 year old can't do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses are nuts. I'm 48. I routinely visit my parents' city for business travel and stay with them about the half the time. If I'm late - I text. No reason a 19 year old can't do the same.

Do your parents still have life 360 on your phone to track you? I think it is ridiculous patents are tracking their college kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are nuts. I'm 48. I routinely visit my parents' city for business travel and stay with them about the half the time. If I'm late - I text. No reason a 19 year old can't do the same.

Do your parents still have life 360 on your phone to track you? I think it is ridiculous patents are tracking their college kids.

No, but if I don't come straight home from work, they're concerned. They don't care where I am or if I decided to have a drink or dinner, but it's irresponsible and rude to not keep your hosts informed. OP's kid is a brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to let you know if he's coming home or not. Geez people!

I agree, it is just a common curtesy which they should extend to their roommates.

[Anonymous]

No advice OP just wanted to add that I am convinced that college is probably the last opportunity for them to be completely self centered and devoid of any accountability. Let them enjoy the next few years, reality sets in soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nuts that you all think it’s ok to track a 19 year old’s phone and demand text updates and then to track them down at a friend’s house after New Year’s Eve, a night famous for late night partying and shenanigans. I’m sure it was incredibly embarrassing to them.

Are teens this age fully “adult”? No. But part of becoming an adult is not having Mommy and Daddy constantly looking over your shoulder. When exactly do you plan to stop doing this?

It’s your house so I guess you can make the rules you want but I don’t understand what you’re achieving. If I was a teen, it would make me want to spend as little time as possible at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP just wanted to add that I am convinced that college is probably the last opportunity for them to be completely self centered and devoid of any accountability. Let them enjoy the next few years, reality sets in soon enough.

They can be on parent's health insurance until age 26, so they should be completely self centered and devoid of any accountability until then.

What's wrong with enjoying life while not being a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Turn off Life 360 and emrquezrca heads up text next time.

Tracking your 19 year old is teaching them that they can’t handle life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses are nuts. I'm 48. I routinely visit my parents' city for business travel and stay with them about the half the time. If I'm late - I text. No reason a 19 year old can't do the same.

Do your parents still have life 360 on your phone to track you? I think it is ridiculous patents are tracking their college kids.

Well, if the kids won't text or use common courtesy when they are home, and they aren't paying for their own phones...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult

Nope.
OP clearly said he is a financial Dependent.

So he is an adult…with strings attached.

And those strings are that he has an obligation to jump through whatever hoops
Mom and Dad decide need to be jumped through in order to continue to receive financial support.
If he doesn’t like the requirements, then he is free to cut the strings and be the adult that you claim he is by making his own way and his own decisions that are completely independent—financially and otherwise.

This.

[Anonymous]

If my DH was staying out later than planned it our Au pair who is also 19 — they always text. It’s just common courtesy. As an adult in the family, who knows you’d be worried - he has to text. Sorry, bud. That is just general courtesy and respect. Don’t be mad and mean about it. Speak to him like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my DH was staying out later than planned it our Au pair who is also 19 — they always text. It’s just common courtesy. As an adult in the family, who knows you’d be worried - he has to text. Sorry, bud. That is just general courtesy and respect. Don’t be mad and mean about it. Speak to him like an adult.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s an adult

Being an adult has nothing to do with it. Even if this was my husband or another household family member, a call or text to report they arrived home (or were not coming home) is warranted- it is common courtesy.