What was your unhappy marriage like?

[Anonymous]

I have to say, the more i read relationship internet forums the less surprised i am that lesbians have the highest divorce rate out of any type of marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, the more i read relationship internet forums the less surprised i am that lesbians have the highest divorce rate out of any type of marriage

explain?

[Anonymous]

He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What made you unhappy in your marriage? How long did you stick it out?

I feel like I am chronically depressed in my marriage.

It was all good until in-laws from overseas moved in. Both me and DH were overwhelmed with raising babies, paying bills, working and maintaining household. It was tough to accommodate eldercare, unrealistic expectations, full financial burden and there lack of social connections here. We used to get so drained and overwhelmed that we took it on each other. Also there was no time or energy for sex or intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, the more i read relationship internet forums the less surprised i am that lesbians have the highest divorce rate out of any type of marriage

explain?

Because women are generally more quick to vocalize their emotions, hold grudges, and simmer in anger and resentment. They also generally move in together much more quickly than any other type of couple. They get tight very quickly and move forward quickly.

I think gay men just know what’s up. Men love to bone all the time. They also can get angry but move on. Just overall a better pairing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

To add on, it's a mentality thing. The doctor this morning was so friendly and caring and kept asking questions making sure I was ok and checking that he did everything well. Huge smile. I told him I noticed how alert and attentive he was and he said it was because his 3 year old is always an adventure in the morning so he's wide awake by the time he comes into the office. Was talking pridefully about his wife having a new baby. He had a job in the morning and a preschooler and a pregnant wife and it was like nothing could keep him down. I don't understand why for some people it's just a facade and how you weed that out.

[Anonymous]

Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

Lol, in his case, his family was dysfunctional. But to be fair, we all change. What I valued as a young person--fun, social, life of the party stopped being fun when we had kids. I wanted someone who was available, didn't sleep in, didn't want to go out all the time and come home drunk etc. In our case, we both grew up to be incompatible. That was just the icing. Below that was also a person with mental health issues that had me walking on eggshells and feeling terrible about myself. He also turned out to be a serial cheater. What I liked about him at age 21 just did not exist in any form at age 38 with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

To add on, it's a mentality thing. The doctor this morning was so friendly and caring and kept asking questions making sure I was ok and checking that he did everything well. Huge smile. I told him I noticed how alert and attentive he was and he said it was because his 3 year old is always an adventure in the morning so he's wide awake by the time he comes into the office. Was talking pridefully about his wife having a new baby. He had a job in the morning and a preschooler and a pregnant wife and it was like nothing could keep him down. I don't understand why for some people it's just a facade and how you weed that out.

How do you know what he is showing you isn’t a facade? That’s very common among doctors. They are at their best with patients not with their own families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

10-14 hours per day?
Have you tried showing her this and sitting down with her to divide up some responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

To add on, it's a mentality thing. The doctor this morning was so friendly and caring and kept asking questions making sure I was ok and checking that he did everything well. Huge smile. I told him I noticed how alert and attentive he was and he said it was because his 3 year old is always an adventure in the morning so he's wide awake by the time he comes into the office. Was talking pridefully about his wife having a new baby. He had a job in the morning and a preschooler and a pregnant wife and it was like nothing could keep him down. I don't understand why for some people it's just a facade and how you weed that out.

How do you know what he is showing you isn’t a facade? That’s very common among doctors. They are at their best with patients not with their own families.

+2.

People frequently tell me my husband is ADORABLE, loves me so much, blah blah blah. He’s wildly charismatic and I know some woman would jump at the chance to be with him if he were single.

He was a raging screaming lunatic for most of the marriage and only got a grip when I told him I’ve had enough. I don’t pay a bit of attention to how any man acts, they could be a totally different story in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He had no ambition.
He didn't read.
He was terrible with money
He had mood disorders--
He drank too much.
He made us walk on egg shells.
He wasn't fun to talk to so we didn't talk

We met young and it was great for a long time because he was fun, social, adventurous, we had the same friends, he was good looking etc. Grow old and all that wears off. He eventually cheated on me. I am so much happier now.

Same. I don't get why they change What is it about the younger years that they think they want a married life and then hate it? It's not like they didn't grow up in a family and don't know what they are getting into.

To add on, it's a mentality thing. The doctor this morning was so friendly and caring and kept asking questions making sure I was ok and checking that he did everything well. Huge smile. I told him I noticed how alert and attentive he was and he said it was because his 3 year old is always an adventure in the morning so he's wide awake by the time he comes into the office. Was talking pridefully about his wife having a new baby. He had a job in the morning and a preschooler and a pregnant wife and it was like nothing could keep him down. I don't understand why for some people it's just a facade and how you weed that out.

How do you know what he is showing you isn’t a facade? That’s very common among doctors. They are at their best with patients not with their own families.

This is true of any high-performing customer-facing person, I think. We're all the perfect family men/women in front of our clients...

[Anonymous]

It was painfully lonely. No sex, no shared interests, kids were getting older so there was less pre-occupation with them. I realized how envious I was of other couples who seemed happy in their marriages. Ultimately they had an affair and the marriage ended. I am now in a marriage that is everything I had hoped for. I am grateful for that but putting the kids through a divorce was horrible. I often thought I would just endure it for their sakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I know my marriage is unhappy because I have more than a tinge of jealousy for this lady with the dead husband.

I totally get this! I often fantasize about being a widow...

Everytime I blow out the candle on my birthday cake, I wish him dead. I’m a little jealous too.
Also speak with an attorney, I have gotten many spouses out of debt that the other spouse incurred.