What was your unhappy marriage like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

You are enabling! Co-dependency always has a dependent in the mix.
It's really unhealthy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

The part in bold gave you away. You’re a controlling nightmare and she’s depressed from dealing with your emotional abuse.

Always gotta find a way to blame the man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

Where does your head of the household, masculine, authoritarian of a self step up and put a stop to this? You allow this and then complain. Sit down, give her options that work for the family and let her pick her route. Divide up the chores and tell her that she chooses three (or whatever number) to accomplish each day. Be a man!

Being a man works with a rational woman. If pp’s wife is an emotional wreck, and if he does what you suggested, she may call him an abuser - which off course doesn’t make it true but pp is trying to save his marriage for the sake of kid

So your boyfriend /husbannd was called abusive by his ex wife; I’m guessing? How long have ypu been with him?

I believe women. If he’s abusing her he’s making her an emotional wreck. Intentionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine disappointment with married life and/or kids. I think a lot of people are not well suited to being parents and don’t realize this until they are parents.

I guess I don't understand this if you come from a functioning household. I get small issues flaring up, but it's not like you didn't have firsthand experience with this way of living.

Really? Do you really think being a kid gives you a solid understanding of what being a parent is really like? Were you that attuned to your parents’ mental state growing up? I honestly don’t think a lot of people are that self-aware of what they want or don’t want or we wouldn’t have so many people getting divorced to begin with. And there are a lot of people who grow up on idyllic circumstances and just become spoiled and selfish adults.

Yes I was and thought others were too. I thought I was signing up to be married to someone I would try to collaborate with and love every day and spend the majority of time working to help them and myself and our children and also make sure we had fun together too. I knew I'd have to shoulder at least half of the load. I was asked to marry people who wanted to have five or more kids. I thought long and hard about what that life would be like. I was taught marriage was for life so why wouldn't I have done a lot of self reflection on what I wanted and could handle?

[Anonymous]

My wife kept tracking my whereabouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is lazy as anyone I know. Married 12 years. We have one nine year old who is at school almost 40 hours a week. He plays one sport which I take him to all practices and games.

She hates to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, doesn't want to return to work, doesn't want to go back to school. Doesn't have any hobbies besides being on YouTube or social media. Literally has 10-14 hours of screen time on her iPhone. I check weekly and roll my eyes.

I run two businesses. Cook at home. Do my laundry. Clean the house. Take care of paying all bills, saving up for college, paying taxes, investing, etc. All she does is shop and stare at her phone. I take care of our kid's school conferences, talk to the teachers, schedule what our kid does at home, schedule play dates, etc.

I am basically a single father raising a nine year old and my wife. Yes, as many deadbeat fathers there are...there are many deadbeat mothers.

You are enabling! Co-dependency always has a dependent in the mix.
It's really unhealthy for her.

Unfortunately many women will still find a way to say you are falling short. A man doing all these things that women always tell us that they are the ones doing them will SADLY not receive the same level of sympathy....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuine disappointment with married life and/or kids. I think a lot of people are not well suited to being parents and don’t realize this until they are parents.

I guess I don't understand this if you come from a functioning household. I get small issues flaring up, but it's not like you didn't have firsthand experience with this way of living.

Really? Do you really think being a kid gives you a solid understanding of what being a parent is really like? Were you that attuned to your parents’ mental state growing up? I honestly don’t think a lot of people are that self-aware of what they want or don’t want or we wouldn’t have so many people getting divorced to begin with. And there are a lot of people who grow up on idyllic circumstances and just become spoiled and selfish adults.

Yes I was and thought others were too. I thought I was signing up to be married to someone I would try to collaborate with and love every day and spend the majority of time working to help them and myself and our children and also make sure we had fun together too. I knew I'd have to shoulder at least half of the load. I was asked to marry people who wanted to have five or more kids. I thought long and hard about what that life would be like. I was taught marriage was for life so why wouldn't I have done a lot of self reflection on what I wanted and could handle?

You are either

1. Completely lacking in self awareness

2. Completely lacking in imagination and empathy (the classic DCUM “how can someone be different from meeeee” response)

3. Some combination of both

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Grew apart.
2. Had nothing in common anymore including food we liked, movies, activities, how to clean the house, etc.
3. Different methods to raise our kids.
4. Different methods to spend money,
5. Disagreed on cooking at home or eating out.
6. Hoarder versus neat person.
7. Shopaholic.

We stay together for the kids. That's it. We are literally roommates.

This could literally be me writing this post.