When your spouse buys the cheap stuff but eats the good stuff

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married? It doesn’t sound like you have kids.

I do all the shopping. Between DH and our 3 kids, I usually never get the good stuff either. The kids will eat the good berries. I will get the last mushy banana.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband an only child? My father is like this and we think it's partly because he never had to share the good snacks as a child.

Please don’t perpetuate this trope. Only children can be incredibly thoughtful and excellent at sharing. It’s about emotional intelligence and caring for others, which is not a trait reserved solely for people who have siblings.

I’m married to an only child and have an only child. They would both give OP all of the farmers market apples!

[Anonymous]

My DH has these tendencies. Recently, I asked him if we wanted any yogurt - he said no. I went to the grocery store and got myself one fancy yogurt to have as breakfast each day of the week. He ate 3 on the first day! I was so mad and he didn't see the big deal.

Can you shop together or at least create your list together. Then you can say - "Don't buy apples at the grocery store we'll get them at the farmers market. How many do you want this week - I want 3." I also occasionally "hide" things in the back of the fridge or pantry. Right now I have my favorite caramels hidden in the dining room buffet. I like to have one a night and if they were out for general consumption DH would plow through them in two days.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is more disruptive and expensive than eating unbranded apples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is more disruptive and expensive than eating unbranded apples.

Yup. So she can atop buying fancy apples and just eat what he thinks his family should enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hide the good stuff behind the bad stuff. Let him grab a bad apple each day.

This. If he’s really just grabbing an apple (“they’re just apples”) then he should eat the ones in front first. If he doesn’t then he’s a liar and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just hide the good food from him from now on. Don’t you have a drawer or something? He sounds rude.

This. I do this with my kids and, frankly your husband sounds like a man-child so I’d take the same approach.

+2 Hide your good apples. If he's really "just grabbing an apple" he won't even notice. I sometimes hide treats from my DH - like a pint of ice cream - because he will inhale in one sitting something that I'm planning to enjoy 3-4 different times. Buying more doesn't help as he is on the see-food diet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really that difficult to double whatever you make or buy so there’s enough to share?

I tried this, but he just eats double. Sharing is a strange concept to him.

We have an extra fridge in the garage, so I can hide beer, apples, and vinaigrette there until he discovers my secret and eats everything. He's like a starving 14 year-old boy and I'm tired of it.

Same. I made cookie batter and baked cookies. I didn't have time to bake them all so I put the remaining cookie batter in the fridge. Spouse ate most of it. He did apologize yet pointed out I should cover any leftover cookie dough up so he doesn't see it. He also pointed out the batter was there for two days as though that meant he could eat it then...

I do buy double but he seems to eat more then so that doesn't help.

DP

[Anonymous]

We saved the kids' wagon specifically to be able to buy farmers market apples by the half bushel. They're a lot cheaper that way and then we don't have to fight or ration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly there is more going on here.

Is he selfish in bed?

[Anonymous]

Do you have separate finances?

Only one person shops at a time in my house. We also often Instacart so shopper buys us bad produce often. If DH shops, fruit is always the ones we all don’t like.

[Anonymous]

It literally took my DH over a year to figure out how to buy the correct type of yogurt (the type DD likes, and he likes) and he STILL screws it up sometimes. I've learned to never ask him to buy anything in particular because he will always forget it. And he doesn't know how to think ahead - the milk has to run out before he will buy more and when he does he buys one measly carton that runs out really quickly. So guess who gets to lug the Costco milk cartons home? Oh and he LOVES having Spindrifts at home but has never once actually bought any. I 100% stopped buying them because they are HEAVY.

Of course if we are in front of other people, he makes a big show of not letting me carry anything heavy (which is often annoying if I've already picked it up).

These habits are annoying, but I mostly can't change them. He is wonderful in other ways, so I don't dwell or get angry.

[Anonymous]

First, you need to tell your DH to stop buying cheap stuff unless he is going to eat/drink them. You tell him what brands, styles, types of things to buy (e.g. do not buy any more supermarket apples unless they are Honeycrisp/Envy/Pink Lady/whatever, do not bring Coors into the house UNLESS YOU INTEND TO DRINK IT, and so on).

Second, since you walk to the Farmer's market, invest in a rolling collapsible shopping cart or wagon that you can take with you to the Farmer's market and you can buy 20 lbs of apples.

Salad dressing, make two portions at a time. Put one bottle in the main fridge. Put the second portion into an unlabeled opaque bottle in the second fridge. Like, get a dark glass Coors bottle, empty it, wash it and put your extra salad dressing in that in the second fridge. He'll never find touch it and you can use it whenever he finishes the main dressing.

The most important thing is to teach him not to buy and bring things into the house that no one wants. Then you can work on supplying enough of the things that everyone wants. And for special things, like your dressing, you find ways to hide it so he will not find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, you need to tell your DH to stop buying cheap stuff unless he is going to eat/drink them. You tell him what brands, styles, types of things to buy (e.g. do not buy any more supermarket apples unless they are Honeycrisp/Envy/Pink Lady/whatever, do not bring Coors into the house UNLESS YOU INTEND TO DRINK IT, and so on).

Second, since you walk to the Farmer's market, invest in a rolling collapsible shopping cart or wagon that you can take with you to the Farmer's market and you can buy 20 lbs of apples.

Salad dressing, make two portions at a time. Put one bottle in the main fridge. Put the second portion into an unlabeled opaque bottle in the second fridge. Like, get a dark glass Coors bottle, empty it, wash it and put your extra salad dressing in that in the second fridge. He'll never find touch it and you can use it whenever he finishes the main dressing.

The most important thing is to teach him not to buy and bring things into the house that no one wants. Then you can work on supplying enough of the things that everyone wants. And for special things, like your dressing, you find ways to hide it so he will not find it.

This is perfect. And I bet the little drops of leftover Coors will add a delightful tanginess to the vinaigrette.

[Anonymous]

Hide the good apples in a bag of kale

But seriously, he seems like a jerk. Tell me his good traits so I can tell you if he's worth keeping around.