Marrying for lifestyle not love as smart choice

[Anonymous]

Is it so hard to have both? These things are not mutually exclusive, people.

[Anonymous]

I really like having a dh who handles 1/2 the child work and 1/2 the housework so that we really are a team. If you marry for money and he is (likely) a workaholic then you end up strangers since you spend all your time apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to have both? These things are not mutually exclusive, people.

In your 20s the person looking to make the world a better place and not obsessed with money can be pretty attractive, versus the cut throat pre-Law throwing elbows on their way to 6 figures. My roommate was BigLaw, their worldview tends to be a bit of a snooze fest, and the workload means they don’t so much else.

[Anonymous]

It's a bit of both? Unfortunately I didn't learn this until the second time around, but marriage is more business than romance. There has to be a true partnership of equals at the core. Especially once there are kids, the machine has to run no matter what and both parties need to be able to pick up whatever the other can't and run with it. Love oils the machine, but there has to be a fundamental compatibility, shared vision, and collaboration that underpins the operation. I loved my first husband, but he wasn't ever my partner. We weren't ever a team and having to carry the load effectively killed anything resembling love. I love my current husband in a way that transcends what I thought possible. He's an amazing partner. We work together, not in parallel. We know what we're working towards. If I drop the ball, he picks it up and keeps running. And I do the same for him. It's probably a bit boring and makes for a very dull Disney movie, but it's pretty amazing from the inside and I swear I find more to love about DH every day. Partnership is hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never met a woman who claimed to marry for lifestyle, I would be shocked to hear it!

Most women are not going to tell you that in public. I married someone not for money per se, but it was a giant part of the equation. It’s actually worked overall ok. I love him more than ever now. Love while nice doesn’t solve everything.

[Anonymous]

I married for love but he also had a lot of potential. Happily, he more than realized his potential without screwing up our relationship. So, love and lifestyle can exist together. We’ve been married for a very long time and the physical love continues to be wonderful as it was last night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably depends on the person. I could not stand being married to somebody I didn't love. It seems like such a shallow and superficial lifestyle to put money over a good connection and that's not the kind of life I could lead.

Someone who marries for money or stability is probably just a lot more pragmatic and less romantic and therefore likely to accept their circumstances and be happier.

This. I always knew I wasn’t going to be poor as an adult (grew up LMC) and married accordingly. I absolutely love and respect my husband, but I am also grateful to him and the life we share with our kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m married for love but I also never dated any scrubs after my early twenties, so I ended up with love and lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married for love and made my own money.

+1. The only women who marry for life style are those that cant make money themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married for love but I also never dated any scrubs after my early twenties, so I ended up with love and lifestyle.

I mean let’s be frank, you filtered for lifestyle before even going on dates. Falling in love in late 20s generally takes investment time and you mostly only interact with other professionals anyways. How did you meet your DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really like having a dh who handles 1/2 the child work and 1/2 the housework so that we really are a team. If you marry for money and he is (likely) a workaholic then you end up strangers since you spend all your time apart.

Not only that, but men who prioritize money over family are not always the kindest people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married for love but I also never dated any scrubs after my early twenties, so I ended up with love and lifestyle.

I mean let’s be frank, you filtered for lifestyle before even going on dates. Falling in love in late 20s generally takes investment time and you mostly only interact with other professionals anyways. How did you meet your DH?

I met him in law school. We competed for a position on law review.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a bit of both? Unfortunately I didn't learn this until the second time around, but marriage is more business than romance. There has to be a true partnership of equals at the core. Especially once there are kids, the machine has to run no matter what and both parties need to be able to pick up whatever the other can't and run with it. Love oils the machine, but there has to be a fundamental compatibility, shared vision, and collaboration that underpins the operation. I loved my first husband, but he wasn't ever my partner. We weren't ever a team and having to carry the load effectively killed anything resembling love. I love my current husband in a way that transcends what I thought possible. He's an amazing partner. We work together, not in parallel. We know what we're working towards. If I drop the ball, he picks it up and keeps running. And I do the same for him. It's probably a bit boring and makes for a very dull Disney movie, but it's pretty amazing from the inside and I swear I find more to love about DH every day. Partnership is hot.

Marriage may be a business but be careful for settling for that. Unless there is love too, it can turn into a painful traumatic experience where the higher earner controls and humiliates the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married for love but he also had a lot of potential. Happily, he more than realized his potential without screwing up our relationship. So, love and lifestyle can exist together. We’ve been married for a very long time and the physical love continues to be wonderful as it was last night.

“Potential” — what does that even mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married for love but I also never dated any scrubs after my early twenties, so I ended up with love and lifestyle.

I mean let’s be frank, you filtered for lifestyle before even going on dates. Falling in love in late 20s generally takes investment time and you mostly only interact with other professionals anyways. How did you meet your DH?

I met him in law school. We competed for a position on law review.

Exactly my point. At that point in your life the chance there were almost zero chance you would fall in love with a high school teacher or artist unless you actively campaigned for that kind of person. A MRS and a JD, nicely done.