Marrying for lifestyle not love as smart choice

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, that’s a tough one. I married for love and the love fizzled anyway. DH is a public servant who never rose through the ranks. I am an attorney for public entities (not super lucrative) and do consulting on the side for extra money. No time for spa days, and no extra money for anything fancy. Gotta say, sometimes the grass does look greener from the other side.

[Anonymous]

I've never met a woman who claimed to marry for lifestyle, I would be shocked to hear it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the women I know who did this seem so much happier than the ones who married for love but now have to work like crazy. Were the rest of us just huge dummies?

I think the key word in your post is "seem" -- who knows if they're really happy.

[Anonymous]

No, you have evolved past the Victorian age and prefer the life of an adult over that of a dependent.

[Anonymous]

Love is a feeling. Feelings change. Lifestyles also change. Marry for compatibility. What compatibility looks like is different for everyone.

[Anonymous]

As my mom used to say when she would see a young attractive woman with an old wealthy man:but the night comes.

Gross!

[Anonymous]

I was passionately in love with my husband but when we were getting married I definitely considered whether he was goal-oriented, career-oriented, family-oriented. He had no money, didn’t come from money, and made it clear that he cared about his career but was going to put his family and children first in all circumstances, so he will never be a CEO or rich or anything. I am ok with this because he is a very responsible and engaged father and partner, but it was definitely something that made me incredibly nervous early in our marriage. Now that I have been married awhile I see that balance is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a man I liked with a nice lifestyle and it turned into love after marriage. It’s really not so bad, I honestly don’t believe you can really truly love someone until after you cross the threshold.

Were you nervous about marrying someone you only liked?

Is that how you were raised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love is a feeling. Feelings change. Lifestyles also change. Marry for compatibility. What compatibility looks like is different for everyone.

It surprises me how much adults don’t realize that 1. Feelings are not necessarily objective reality, 2. Feelings change, and 3. You can’t let your feelings run your entire life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never met a woman who claimed to marry for lifestyle, I would be shocked to hear it!

I have a friend who did. Her DH travels for work and cheats on her left, right and center and she looks the other way because she likes the lifestyle. No kids yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is comes down to is women are lazy, and they love spending money they didn't earn.

I know you're just being a jerk but most often this complaint comes from women who are decently high earners. They are married to men who make less or make about the same, but could make more but aren't ambitious. There aren't a whole lot of SAHMs these days, particularly after the kids are in school full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is comes down to is women are lazy, and they love spending money they didn't earn.

Boom! For a good number of them, not all. Exactly!

[Anonymous]

I married for love and made my own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is comes down to is women are lazy, and they love spending money they didn't earn.

I know you're just being a jerk but most often this complaint comes from women who are decently high earners. They are married to men who make less or make about the same, but could make more but aren't ambitious. There aren't a whole lot of SAHMs these days, particularly after the kids are in school full time.

The last sentence is totally untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never met a woman who claimed to marry for lifestyle, I would be shocked to hear it!

I have a friend who did. Her DH travels for work and cheats on her left, right and center and she looks the other way because she likes the lifestyle. No kids yet.

Does the cheating upset your friend at all? She is open with you about the cheating?