Marrying for lifestyle not love as smart choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to have both? These things are not mutually exclusive, people.

Right. I married for love and we both have money and this a.pretty nice lifestyle.
Bonus is even though he's a great guy I don't have to put up with BS out of fear of losing a lifestyle.

I married for love. We met and fell in love in grad school. We were both ambitious poor students. Now he earns a seven figure income and we have money but I’m not so in love with him anymore. We have amazing children and a fantastic lifestyle.

Every young man should read statements like this before they consider getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of being married to someone you don't love seems so much higher than the cost of being married to someone who isn't rich.

This. Nearly all the divorces in my tiny all girls’ HS class are women who married “up” into the UC or married laterally to a climber in the UMC. None of the women who married down are divorced.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I cannot agree with this. I grew up in a world of private schools, including no shortage of girls' schools. There is a persistent pattern of nicely groomed girls always ending up married to nicely groomed men with good prospects and incomes. Sometimes the girl becomes a housewife, other times she has her own career. Most marriages are still solid. A few failed. But no one, and I repeat, no one from this particular personality type was marrying repairmen or police officers or even midlevel government employees.

But the girls who you might have said married down have largely ended up in failed marriages because life expectations ended up being too different to reconcile once the bloom of the marriage fizzled out.

Virtually all, and I do mean *all* the girls who went on to have good careers married men who also have at a minimum, very solid careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of being married to someone you don't love seems so much higher than the cost of being married to someone who isn't rich.

This. Nearly all the divorces in my tiny all girls’ HS class are women who married “up” into the UC or married laterally to a climber in the UMC. None of the women who married down are divorced.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I cannot agree with this. I grew up in a world of private schools, including no shortage of girls' schools. There is a persistent pattern of nicely groomed girls always ending up married to nicely groomed men with good prospects and incomes. Sometimes the girl becomes a housewife, other times she has her own career. Most marriages are still solid. A few failed. But no one, and I repeat, no one from this particular personality type was marrying repairmen or police officers or even midlevel government employees.

But the girls who you might have said married down have largely ended up in failed marriages because life expectations ended up being too different to reconcile once the bloom of the marriage fizzled out.

Virtually all, and I do mean *all* the girls who went on to have good careers married men who also have at a minimum, very solid careers.

Agree with this. The bigger issue in this group, which I know very well, would be marrying down. Almost all of us have parents who are still married, and our fathers are big earners, and we found partners who our more similar to our own fathers than not. The ones at most risk are women who married men who are successful, but who came from lower-income families and/or broken homes. Some of these men are less invested in families and more concerned with climbing, always on the lookout for the next best thing, which does make for a great husband or father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of being married to someone you don't love seems so much higher than the cost of being married to someone who isn't rich.

This. Nearly all the divorces in my tiny all girls’ HS class are women who married “up” into the UC or married laterally to a climber in the UMC. None of the women who married down are divorced.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I cannot agree with this. I grew up in a world of private schools, including no shortage of girls' schools. There is a persistent pattern of nicely groomed girls always ending up married to nicely groomed men with good prospects and incomes. Sometimes the girl becomes a housewife, other times she has her own career. Most marriages are still solid. A few failed. But no one, and I repeat, no one from this particular personality type was marrying repairmen or police officers or even midlevel government employees.

But the girls who you might have said married down have largely ended up in failed marriages because life expectations ended up being too different to reconcile once the bloom of the marriage fizzled out.

Virtually all, and I do mean *all* the girls who went on to have good careers married men who also have at a minimum, very solid careers.

Agree with this. The bigger issue in this group, which I know very well, would be marrying down. Almost all of us have parents who are still married, and our fathers are big earners, and we found partners who our more similar to our own fathers than not. The ones at most risk are women who married men who are successful, but who came from lower-income families and/or broken homes. Some of these men are less invested in families and more concerned with climbing, always on the lookout for the next best thing, which does make for a great husband or father.

Wow, DCUM classism never disappoints.

[Anonymous]

You marry for both. You and your partner have to be compatible and respect each other. You both also have to be on the same page with respect to the lifestyle you want. There are stressors that come with being poor and trying to raise kids without enough income. But lifestyle isn't just about income, it's about balance of work and family. I would not want a rich husband who never spent time with his family.