Why is there fear of being direct?

[Anonymous]

I feel like being direct means potential trouble, and my peace is worth more than trouble. I don't want the aggravation of someone mad at me, a potential conflict, a needless conversation and argument...I have never found that being direct paid off. I will pick disengaging and walking away any day, not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed at how many people here are concerned with being kind to someone who is being mean to them. Why? Once you're mean to me you don't deserve my kindness. And the people who consider being direct to be "too harsh" drive me nuts too.

I was just chatting with someone who I know casually and she said she likes me because I will always tell her the truth, which evolved into a conversation about being direct vs. nice and whether those have to be different.

Nice = Toxic and Nice !=kind. https://hbr.org/2021/06/the-hazards-of-a-nice-company-culture People want to be polite and not particularly kind nor supportive. It's about their comfort instead of supporting/guiding someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was very direct with my MIL and SIL about boundaries and unrealistic expectations. It generally didn’t go well. They felt insulted, unloved, etc and think because they are family and we have money that we should host them for as long as they want whenever they want. They also think we should take them on vacation every year because it means so much to them. Our relationship is cordial but they act coldly now because they are insulted by my directness. That is always the risk with being direct. No one likes to get called out on their behavior.

People COUNT on you not being direct/impolite because it let's them continue unchecked.

[Anonymous]

You can be direct so long as you are not white.

[Anonymous]

It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

Then you can stay being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

The neighbor thing I don’t get. Neighbors who leave dog poop in your yard, block a driveway, or blast music until 2am are the ones starting beef with you. They’re counting on you staying silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's possible to be direct without being tactless.

+1. It’s all in the delivery. It’s an art.

+2
Compliment sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

Then you can stay being a doormat.

I'm not a doormat, I'm the door. I don't deal with people I don't want to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

Then you can stay being a doormat.

I'm not a doormat, I'm the door. I don't deal with people I don't want to deal with.

Ok mee maw.

[Anonymous]

It's a regional thing. I come from the Midwest and being direct is the norm. When I moved here, I learned that people found that approach, and me, abrasive so I had to tone it down. Once in a while I meet someone from the MW and it's like a breath of fresh air. My people speaking the same language. People out east are uptight, politically correct and overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a regional thing. I come from the Midwest and being direct is the norm. When I moved here, I learned that people found that approach, and me, abrasive so I had to tone it down. Once in a while I meet someone from the MW and it's like a breath of fresh air. My people speaking the same language. People out east are uptight, politically correct and overly sensitive.

Oh gawd. The worst feeling I ever had communicating with someone was a woman from the mid-west. Just awful. I finally understood what mid-west nice meant after her. Aka, passive aggressive, with an extra helping of aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that people don’t want to be direct. You find out someone is excluding you? Your friend is talking bad about you to others? Your DCs friends mom is being nasty to your DC? Your neighbor is leaving their dog poop on your lawn? Your guest is stinking up the powder room? Be direct and talk to these people!

I would not address any of these situations: most because I don't care at all about being excluded, can talk to my own kid about the nasty kid, can easily clean a bathroom. The neighbor thing I feel very strongly about: do not start beef with neighbors, it is bringing trouble into your home and you can't get rid of it once you start it. I have seen that play out many times, just not wise.

Being direct would be beneficial in each of these situations, full stop.