Why is there fear of being direct?
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Anonymous
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Not in all situations but there are certain situations where being direct is warranted.
For example, the poster with a friend who has a pit bull from hell who is hosting a party— why wouldn’t you be honest and tell the friend you are uncomfortable around her dog? Generally speaking, if one is focused on the truth and their actions are led by that, being direct is the way to go! We could all benefit from more directness in our lives. I know I respond much better to straight shooters than those who *think* they are somehow being kind, conscientious, or sensitive in situations that don’t call for that. Or, as I’ve started to wonder more recently, are they afraid? And if so, why? So long as someone has the courage to say it directly to me, and the intent is not harm, I much prefer direct talk. |
Anonymous
| You're an idiot. |
Anonymous
I'd bet OP is Dutch. They pride themselves on "directness" which means letting anything spew out of their mouths because it's "honest." This can mean anything from telling someone they are fat to talking openly about their bodily functions to being "direct" and asking for reimbursement TO THE PENNY. |
Anonymous
| It's possible to be direct without being tactless. |
Anonymous
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If I had a dime for every time someone told me that they wanted the truth ... that they wanted me to be direct ... and then flipped the hell out because I did/was? I'd be rich.
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Anonymous
 Pretty direct!
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Anonymous
This is the challenge of being a direct person, I get yelled at a lot. |
Anonymous
See 18:52 |
Anonymous
+1. It’s all in the delivery. It’s an art. |
Anonymous
| Clear is kind. It is entirely possible to be clear but not abrasive or rude. |
Anonymous
| OP - you are right. DCUM is full of threads with people angsting about how to ghost people, "grey rock" them or trying to figure out what someone meant by a quick remark. Express yourself kindly, but truthfully. Almost everyone will react emotionally at first, then think about it and either change their behavior or ignore what you said. Either way, you now know how to behave. For the people who storm away angry and never get over it? You are better off knowing now. |
Anonymous
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People who describe themselves as “straight shooters” are almost always rude, or, as they put it, “direct.”
As the situation calls for it, most people would benefit from being honest, even if it invites conflict. The alternative is often worse. |
Anonymous
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I am direct generally but also recognize most people don't like it. I save my directness for when something impacts me directly. Like I would definitely speak to the host about the dog in that pitbull thread, either just saying "I don't feel comfortable around your dog so I'll need to bow out" or asking the group if we could move it to somewhere else.
A lot of people are direct about stuff that is none of their business and no one likes that. Like you don't need to be direct with someone about how you think their hair looks better long or you think they are in the wrong field, unless they ask you directly and you have that kind of relationship. But directness to get needs met or establish boundaries in relationships? I do that a lot. But yes, people like me less for it. They want someone to go along to get along. Oh well. |
Anonymous
| It's all about conflict avoidance. Lots of people would rather be uncomfortable or afraid than to confront someone directly. I'd say it has a lot to do with how conflict was handled in their childhood and also in their intrinsic personality. |
Anonymous
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+1
Agree with OP. So many threads on here about mean girls and people wanting to know how to handle nasty people. The easiest way and most efficient is to be direct and confront them over their behavior. |