I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

Doxing

Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Doxing

Doxing or doxxing is the act of publicly providing personally identifiable information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Avoid the group, just do one on ones with the ones you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

Don’t break away from the group until you have done this. I would keep going just to irritate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly just cut ties with the whole lot and try to find others to hang out with. The fact that they worship someone who treats you like that in front of them says a lot.

+1. Likely one of the reasons they think she is "amazing" is that she does crap like this -- rejects some people in order to protect her position and access to others. People will claim they hate this but most people are insecure and selfish. It makes them feel special.

That's why these dynamics happen. People like feeling chosen. So a woman like this can pick her people, make them feel like a million dollars, and then showily exclude others, and that feeling of being on the inside of her circle will be good enough to make them overlook it. Clever people are good at strategizing who gets in and who gets out, so as to never piss off anyone high status enough to actually threaten their position.

It suuuuuuuucks being on the outside though, it's a very uncomfortable, unpleasant feeling even when you have a good head on your shoulders and decent self esteem. Rejection always hurts, but this particularly brand of rejection feels like being pushed to the edge of the gazelle herd in the way of the lion, for some reason.

In fact, my theory is that the women who organize these groups are generally smarting from being pushed out by someone else in the past. It's traumatizing, so they adopt the attitude of "kill or be killed" and make sure next time they are the ones deciding who's in or out. This theory is backed up by knowledge of several such "mean girl" adults who I happened to know as adolescents or in college, when each of them was shy, vulnerable, and in some cases got teased or harassed for their appearance (a little pudge they lost as an adult, bad teenage acne, an embarrassing lack of style, etc.). It's like a villains origin story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

Doxing

Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Doxing

Doxing or doxxing is the act of publicly providing personally identifiable information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet.

'

no one here is talking about doxing. stop it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

I don't think you understand what doxxing is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she acts as if she doesn’t remember any details about you, ask her if she knows that memory problems are a common symptom of menopause.

🤣🤣🤣 or early onset dementia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only commiserate, OP. It sucks! And yes, no matter how otherwise good I feel about my life, this behavior always hurts.

BUT I can say that I am now mid-40s and it hurts less. I'm in my 40s now and there is a woman at my kid's school who behaves this way towards me and I have no idea why. At first it really did hurt my feelings and I was feeling kind of glum. But I got over it faster. Recently I saw this woman at a school event and she walked up to me and another person, spoke to the other person for several minutes without acknowledging me, and walked away. I've known this woman for 3 years, our kids are in the same grade, and we have "met" each other at least 2 dozen times at birthday parties and school functions. She always behaves this way.

Anyway, when she did this, I was a bit hurt for a moment, and then I laughed. And I told my husband about it later and. he laughed too. Because it's *crazy*. Imagine working this hard to ignore someone. It's work! She must have some real issues on the inside that the only way she has to deal with this situation is to behave this way. It's childish and effortful.

Try to see the absurdity in it. Be glad you don't feel the need to behave this way.

I’ve encountered women like this for sure. There’s one at our school, but I’ve never really tried to be friends with her so it doesn’t bother me.

But yes, you have to see how absurd it is. Once I become comfortable with that, I’d be absolutely smothering this woman with kindness. While she was talking to the one person and not me I would have said “bye Lisa!!” as soon as she walked away. Super cheery but a little over the top. I’d also almost always greet her and say hi by name anytime I saw her. Make it awkward FOR HER. You still don’t have to be friends but it’ll make the interactions more fun for you.

PP here and I do this too! I am terrific with names and faces due to years of teaching yoga classes pre-kids (it's a skill, you can learn it). I greet everyone by name and give everyone a smile and am EXTRA pleasant to the ones who rude to me. It's like "see, this isn't even hard -- you're rude af to me and I still managed to remember your name and smile at you during drop-off because I have social skills." I honestly think it makes them feel dumb.

[Anonymous]

Making friends is just like dating. Its not easy to find YOUR people. Keep trying. Talk to the quiet mom at the band concert, or someone at practice. Invite them to coffee sometime. Your new best friend isn't gonna knock on your door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is the thing. Some adults never grow up. They also never leave their home town. Some of them are in this geographic area, and try to actually dox others, who they deem a threat. It does not matter that they do not know this new person, the new person makes them look bad by merely existing, and that is apparently enough, for those who are so ingrained, codependent, and so very insecure.

Pay attention. There is an unstated reaction to toxicity - to these people which precedes and supersedes the unstated reaction to those falsely deemed "less than". Nod and go along, lest you be next. That is how bad and how primitive they defend their self proclaimed turf. They may as well pee on it, while they are at it, because their social cues, conventionalities and atrocities are akin to feral wolves.

TLDR: You be you, bc karma exists. Find your people, they are the majority.

No snark. Are you a native English speaker? That second paragraph is a real head scratcher but it’s left me so curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

[Anonymous]

It’s like The Gilded Age. lol. Just build a new Opera house and keep them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is the thing. Some adults never grow up. They also never leave their home town. Some of them are in this geographic area, and try to actually dox others, who they deem a threat. It does not matter that they do not know this new person, the new person makes them look bad by merely existing, and that is apparently enough, for those who are so ingrained, codependent, and so very insecure.

Pay attention. There is an unstated reaction to toxicity - to these people which precedes and supersedes the unstated reaction to those falsely deemed "less than". Nod and go along, lest you be next. That is how bad and how primitive they defend their self proclaimed turf. They may as well pee on it, while they are at it, because their social cues, conventionalities and atrocities are akin to feral wolves.

TLDR: You be you, bc karma exists. Find your people, they are the majority.

No snark. Are you a native English speaker? That second paragraph is a real head scratcher but it’s left me so curious.

Sounds like word salad or like it was written by the first chatbot 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I’m confused at how “doxing” is being used in this thread. It makes no sense when talking about people who presumably live in the same community or whose children attend the same school.

Is there an alternate meaning?

it makes no sense. someone is just posting junk

Doxing is a last resort for queen bee types, who feel threatened by those who make them look bad (aka pretty much any female with a brain)

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

NP but this is how a frenemy group doxed me. They looked up my NYT wedding article and learned my first marriage ended in divorce. When the couples all hung out, a few women peppered DH about being married to a divorcee. They know how much my house is worth because they looked up property records and sometimes they make snide remarks about my mortgage. They looked up DH's salary (fed) and had a discussion about their husbands who are better earners.

They seem crazy so i don't hang out with them anymore

This is not doxxing. It’s gossiping.