Anyone make it work (not just stay together) for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bump
I find myself today in this situation. After confronting him last night, dh admitted to infidelity. I’d be gone yesterday but for my child (for various issues other than what I learned today)

The door to a different life- that I often fantasize about- is in front of me. A life without a dh with addiction issues, emotional unavailability etc. But I won’t touch it bc I’m not losing 50% of time with my child. We have had big issues for a long time. We truthfully should have never married. I marched thru a fiend of red flags.

After a 3 hour convo where Dh said to me that he’s been holding it inside that he hasn’t been physically attracted to me for the last 9 years bc my body has changed drastically, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, he then said tonight either feels like the night our marriage ended, or the night everything started to change for the better.

I’m trying to get thru 1 hour at a time.

What jurisdiction are you in. I know a great shark lawyer for custody in Fairfax. She was an artist at her job.

Out of the dmv. But thank you for trying

[Anonymous]

Where are you? Isn’t this DC Urban Moms or is this open to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you? Isn’t this DC Urban Moms or is this open to everyone?

Florida. Used to live in dmv but moved away. Still enjoy the website

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think the poster who mentioned her darling parents nailed it, mine went through something similar and now that they are in their 70’s, they are so cute together. My husband and I also had a rough period which is now a distant memory.

I’d suggest you and your husband sit down and do a deep dive into what you both want. Do you want more date nights? Do you need a different type of house/lifestyle? Do you want to attend religious services and if so what type? Are either or both of you too into a hobby or community activity so the other one is left feeling resentful? Do you want more sex? Does one of you travel and it’s taking a toll?

[b]Marriage counselors won’t help you until one of you has a physical affair or that is my experience at any rate.[b] You also need to take what you think and what you hope and apply reality. I lean more liberal in terms of religion, unfortunately, the liberal churches we attended seemed to have no use for our family. I can remember being at church talking about an upcoming activity and one of the organizers saying “You can come when your children are with their father” and I said “Their father.. he’s right across the room” the church catered to divorced families and we weren’t one of those. As much as I dislike some our current church’s stance on gay marriage, gay marriage is legal now so it’s not like the church can stop it. I’ve also found the church to be more of what I was looking for, stuff for the kids to do, a women’s group, a men’s group, and when I did need counseling the church was there something our previous church refused me because “You aren’t gay or divorcing”. I wasn’t, but that didn’t mean I didn’t need pastoral care, and had I gotten it, it’s doubtful the bad patch would have been so bad.
I think too, you and your husband need to make it a point to be “extra sweet” to each other. That’s a term one of my kids uses and I like it, you apply real effort to be kind and loving to someone you love.

Declarations like this are so ridiculous. Marriage therapy has helped plenty of marriages that aren’t dealing with infidelity, mine included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. I’m so glad they did, because in their old age they are so darling with one another and I’m glad they have each other (and aren’t placing a huge burden on us kids, but that’s secondary). Married 43 years.

My parents did this also. Now they are very unhappy with each other because the kids are the only reason they stayed together, but they don’t have the energy to find better companions. It’s sad to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. I’m so glad they did, because in their old age they are so darling with one another and I’m glad they have each other (and aren’t placing a huge burden on us kids, but that’s secondary). Married 43 years.

My parents did this also. Now they are very unhappy with each other because the kids are the only reason they stayed together, but they don’t have the energy to find better companions. It’s sad to see.

It’s almost as if different people have different needs and different experiences and what works for one family is not going to work for every family or couple. Go figure.