Move or stay for senior year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not enough people are mentioning your own happiness and wellbeing here. You and your daughter will struggle, and struggle more overall in my opinion, if staying isn't a good thing for you personally and your overall family.

I've been told for 20 years that my happiness can't come first, so...it doesn't. That means the sole debate is what's best for her college vs. finances. That's it. The rest of it doesn't enter into the equation, fortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not enough people are mentioning your own happiness and wellbeing here. You and your daughter will struggle, and struggle more overall in my opinion, if staying isn't a good thing for you personally and your overall family.

No, what people are saying is that mom's happiness/well-being should absolutely be a secondary consideration relative to her kid's happiness/well-being in this particular situation. And right now, mom does not seem to have a good idea of what her kid wants.

Also, the poster who said that athletes choose to move to a new school for senior year all the time. Yes, that is a really different situation because of one little word: CHOOSE.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP - you seem really focused on what is best for your kid's college. Please try to re-frame if you can to what is best for her happiness. There is a whole lot of time between now and college and focusing on that as the goal/destination is really a recipe for trouble.

The people who have posted about moving before senior year and the social/emotional/mental health consequences are the ones you should listen to. Thinking this is about college is a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not enough people are mentioning your own happiness and wellbeing here. You and your daughter will struggle, and struggle more overall in my opinion, if staying isn't a good thing for you personally and your overall family.

I've been told for 20 years that my happiness can't come first, so...it doesn't. That means the sole debate is what's best for her college vs. finances. That's it. The rest of it doesn't enter into the equation, fortunately.

For this year, you’re right: it doesn’t. Her emotional well-being, not college and not finances (unless it will bankrupt you), comes first.

[Anonymous]

Leaving a DC private is probably better for college placement, at elite schools not name UChicago anyway. I don't know where you are moving but she can be a bigger fish coming from a smaller pond. Heck, if it is a Dakota or Alaska and college is your top concern, the decision should be easy

[Anonymous]

Do people really believe that a high schooler should be the top priority here when talking about dividing a family? The high schooler probably doesn't even understand what the larger implications of this decision are either (she probably envisions continuity and having everything the same and then having parents just go back to how things were after a year, which just doesn't seem all that likely to happen here). The having one parent stay option is close to a nice and supportive one-year divorce situation for a kid.

[Anonymous]

The social upheaval your daughter would feel in the family day to day, even in a fairly good case, seems worse than at school unless your husband is largely absentee now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really believe that a high schooler should be the top priority here when talking about dividing a family? The high schooler probably doesn't even understand what the larger implications of this decision are either (she probably envisions continuity and having everything the same and then having parents just go back to how things were after a year, which just doesn't seem all that likely to happen here). The having one parent stay option is close to a nice and supportive one-year divorce situation for a kid.

You aren’t military, are you?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make a decision without a very thoughtful conversation with your child. But that conversation only works if your child is pretty mature because the knee jerk reaction would be don’t move. My tendency would be to not move because being a new student senior year is rough. But you need to weigh the pros and cons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If savings on OP not paying state tax on her income are anywhere close to enough to pay private school tuition then it seems like OP is making a decent salary.

She says private school is 12K.

Regardless, I'm astounded at the lack of preparation and consideration shown to the kid in this situation. Decent parents who really have to go where the job sends them are prepared for this eventuality.

He was supposed to have an additional six months on his current orders which have been curtailed. We're shocked. This set was supposed to take her through graduation.

I think you need to talk to other military families about this. Most of us don’t understand the different factors and options you are dealing with

[Anonymous]

Really look at graduation requirements before you make a decision. It may be difficult or impossible to get a full diploma with such a late move. Some states require you to pass certain standardized tests. Others require more gym and health credits, which could displace AP classes that she plans to take. Some require a state history course or earth science or typing or other oddball courses.

Also realize that she'll miss out on all senior year leadership opportunities. No one makes the new kid a class officer, offers them a spot in NHS, makes them a team captain, or gives them a lead in a school play. Those are reserved for kids who have been there.

[Anonymous]

Military or not, another good data point to have is whether DH has been gone for such long periods of time before. If he has, it might be easier for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by OPs situation-- resident of one state but living in another state which generates sufficient tax savings to pay for private school?

Sound fishy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by OPs situation-- resident of one state but living in another state which generates sufficient tax savings to pay for private school?

Sound fishy.

Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not move my kid in senior year.
My parents moved in senior year, and it was hard to start a new school with new teachers, new strangers. Hard to make new friends unless the other teens are in your neighborhood.
it's the social impact on your teen that you need to focus on.

+1

I would never move a kid for senior year, unless you absolutely couldn't manage it financially. I moved our oldest for 10th grade and I'm glad it was then and not even 11th. You need to build a friend group, get recommendations from teachers, etc and socially your kid deserves the opportunity to enjoy senior year and take the courses they need for college.