Move or stay for senior year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad took a new job across the country when my brother was going into his senior year (i was in 8th grade). He commuted for a year to allow my brother to graduate (I think he did 3 weeks new place, 1 week old place). He worked at a medical school and this was before WFH so he had very understanding bosses.

Is that an option? Otherwise the suggestion of having your daughter stay with someone for a year could work... I know someone that did that too (military family).

For military, it's standard for the father to live in the bachelors quarters for a year and the family to join them after graduation when this happens.

Not standard as most families cannot afford that. What does she want?

[Anonymous]

Don't move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if we financially can't handle private if he moves alone? It was a stretch now, which I didn't want to mention, because I know that's not acceptable in DCUM-land.

How will you pay for college if stretched. You either sell and rent a small apartment or you all go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.

So a decent parent would ignore military orders? He can't retire yet.

Pretty sure military orders count as national security. Did OP say they were military? If so, it’s not in the original post.

[Anonymous]

If savings on OP not paying state tax on her income are anywhere close to enough to pay private school tuition then it seems like OP is making a decent salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If savings on OP not paying state tax on her income are anywhere close to enough to pay private school tuition then it seems like OP is making a decent salary.

She says private school is 12K.

Regardless, I'm astounded at the lack of preparation and consideration shown to the kid in this situation. Decent parents who really have to go where the job sends them are prepared for this eventuality.

[Anonymous]

I agree op it is a little concerning that the majority of your post is the financial considerations around this and not how incredibly difficult it could be for your daughter. You also didn’t mention if she’s weathered moved before which if that was you posting about the military, it seems likely she has which adds to the whole situation.

Moving for senior year is going to be very hard for 90% of kids. There just is not enough time to build friendships - friendships are built on joint experiences. That being said, it sounds like in your case you may not have an option and if you need to do it then you do it with EXTREME empathy for her and plan to spend the year helping her through it. But you need to take seriously the impact on her and not be dismissive or telling her to be resilient or grateful for what she has or anything like that. It is ok for her to be mad, sad all the things and it may last the whole year. She will survive but it will probably be a rough year so I would just buckle up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.

So a decent parent would ignore military orders? He can't retire yet.

Pretty sure military orders count as national security. Did OP say they were military? If so, it’s not in the original post.

OP was careful not to say. She let people make assumptions. Which probably means it's not that, and they're just prioritizing money, and to heck with the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If savings on OP not paying state tax on her income are anywhere close to enough to pay private school tuition then it seems like OP is making a decent salary.

She says private school is 12K.

Regardless, I'm astounded at the lack of preparation and consideration shown to the kid in this situation. Decent parents who really have to go where the job sends them are prepared for this eventuality.

He was supposed to have an additional six months on his current orders which have been curtailed. We're shocked. This set was supposed to take her through graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?

I think the family should move or you all stay. Having DH move alone is almost definitely a bad idea for everyone on the personal and $$ sides.
Colleges are used to seeing late moves (parents move all the time as I found out growing up with military friends). Remember when applying early, you don't even have senior grades and even RD won't have a ton of info. It is also easy to explain.

[Anonymous]

The summer before my senior year in high school my family moved from CT - where I attended a progressive public school to Dallas - where I attended a private girls school (think saddle shoes, not kidding).

I was really close to my parents and siblings so I never thought to say I didn't want to go. I loved my high school, did well academically and socially. I assumed that would happen in Dallas.

It didn't.

It was the worst year of my life -- and it began a life long eating disorder. Mid year, I asked if I could go back -- live with a family friend and my parents said no. That soon I would be away at college and they didn't want to let go of me any earlier. As a mom of two -- I get that answer. But it was so hard to hear.

Much later in life both of my (now) deceased parents - apologized to me. That both said I should have stayed behind. It helped me a lot that they saw the pain I was in -- and how that lingered in my life.

I certainly don't know your soon to be senior and maybe it will be a positive for them

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Moving is never easy for kids but I actually think senior year isn't a bad time to do it. Kids realize they won't all be around one another forever at that point. Plenty of families need to move kids late in high school. Athletes also regularly choose to move for school late in high school and are fine (I did). I think parents separating for school purposes would be even harder on the kid, though they wouldn't realize it now.

[Anonymous]

As someone who was moved at the start of middle school, and again at the start of high school to (different countries!) don’t do this to your kid if she’s happy where she is. Have DH move ahead of you and you and dd stay to finish her senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The summer before my senior year in high school my family moved from CT - where I attended a progressive public school to Dallas - where I attended a private girls school (think saddle shoes, not kidding).

I was really close to my parents and siblings so I never thought to say I didn't want to go. I loved my high school, did well academically and socially. I assumed that would happen in Dallas.

It didn't.

It was the worst year of my life -- and it began a life long eating disorder. Mid year, I asked if I could go back -- live with a family friend and my parents said no. That soon I would be away at college and they didn't want to let go of me any earlier. As a mom of two -- I get that answer. But it was so hard to hear.

Much later in life both of my (now) deceased parents - apologized to me. That both said I should have stayed behind. It helped me a lot that they saw the pain I was in -- and how that lingered in my life.

I certainly don't know your soon to be senior and maybe it will be a positive for them

Good luck

Thanks for sharing this tough experience. What you went through is awful and the two environments sound like total polar opposites school and culture wise.
As a parent now, do you think OP should leave her child behind though? I recommend doing a lot of research on the schools available in the new area and being deliberate. You should be able to mitigate real disasters and come up with the softest landing.
I had a boarding school classmate choose to go away to boarding school, mostly for college reasons, and then unexpectedly lose a parent. That decision weighed heavily on them as well since they felt they had decided to be away and not get additional time with them. There can be bad things or good things that happen either way with this decision but you should be able to do a lot of homework on the transition if you do move.

[Anonymous]

Not enough people are mentioning your own happiness and wellbeing here. You and your daughter will struggle, and struggle more overall in my opinion, if staying isn't a good thing for you personally and your overall family.