Move or stay for senior year

[Anonymous]

I don't know that there's a good answer here, but I'm looking for people's thoughts.

We're likely moving for DH's job the summer before DD's senior year. Odds are she won't find a spot in a private school like she's in now, so she would be switching to public. We know the switch would be rough to begin with, but we're really unsure what colleges would think of this, or if she'd even be allowed to take the AP classes she needs for applications.

We've also considered staying put until she graduates. If we stay behind a year and let DH move alone, there are some pretty drastic residency and tax implications. I hate putting money ahead of DD's college future, but it's definitely a consideration for us.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

There are two circumstances in which I'd consider this. 1. If your kid is really unhappy at her school and was advocating for a move/change. 2. If the new location has in-state college options and your kid wants to take advantage of them and is willing to go through some decent upheaval to do that.

Bottom line is that for this one year, it's pretty important to give your kid agency/autonomy over how this plays out.

In your shoes, I'd do everything I could to delay the move (even by six months would make a huge difference) and prioritize my high school senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two circumstances in which I'd consider this. 1. If your kid is really unhappy at her school and was advocating for a move/change. 2. If the new location has in-state college options and your kid wants to take advantage of them and is willing to go through some decent upheaval to do that.

Bottom line is that for this one year, it's pretty important to give your kid agency/autonomy over how this plays out.

In your shoes, I'd do everything I could to delay the move (even by six months would make a huge difference) and prioritize my high school senior.

+1

[Anonymous]

Do not move her for her senior year. Is there someone she could live with for that year?


And yes, esp for a family affording private, her interests come ahead of the tax implications.

[Anonymous]

In-state tuition is a bit meaningless since we're residents of a third state we don't currently live in. So for college, that's not really relevant, unfortunately.

Ooof.

Staying will financially hurt, but maybe we'll have to.

[Anonymous]

I would not move my kid in senior year.
My parents moved in senior year, and it was hard to start a new school with new teachers, new strangers. Hard to make new friends unless the other teens are in your neighborhood.
it's the social impact on your teen that you need to focus on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her for her senior year. Is there someone she could live with for that year?


And yes, esp for a family affording private, her interests come ahead of the tax implications.

We can afford private (only $12k a year, by the way) because of the tax savings.

[Anonymous]

My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

[Anonymous]

My dad took a new job across the country when my brother was going into his senior year (i was in 8th grade). He commuted for a year to allow my brother to graduate (I think he did 3 weeks new place, 1 week old place). He worked at a medical school and this was before WFH so he had very understanding bosses.

Is that an option? Otherwise the suggestion of having your daughter stay with someone for a year could work... I know someone that did that too (military family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years.

His father doesn't have a choice.

I know it's stressful to move in high school. But it'll be financially stressful on us to become residents of the state we live in now and to maintain separate households. It'll be stressful to not see her dad for a year. I can't decide which is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.

*doesn’t hate their school and does not want to move.

[Anonymous]

OP, your kid will live and the transition to college will be seamless. Everybody needs to chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).

This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.

So a decent parent would ignore military orders? He can't retire yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad took a new job across the country when my brother was going into his senior year (i was in 8th grade). He commuted for a year to allow my brother to graduate (I think he did 3 weeks new place, 1 week old place). He worked at a medical school and this was before WFH so he had very understanding bosses.

Is that an option? Otherwise the suggestion of having your daughter stay with someone for a year could work... I know someone that did that too (military family).

For military, it's standard for the father to live in the bachelors quarters for a year and the family to join them after graduation when this happens.