Divorce trend

[Anonymous]

Divorce shouldn't be a big deal but people should try to sort out ego issues if kids are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the “trade up” types. The ones who are constantly upgrading their car, their kitchen, their vacations, their homes. They are never happy and continually searching for contentment from the outside. Eventually they will try and see if a new spouse does the trick.

This was my ex. I divorced him. He has now traded up again with a new girlfriend and step kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the years very few of our friends have gotten divorced which is surprising given the statistics. I’m not sure if this is true but divorce seems to peak when people hit their 40’s and some kind of midlife crisis moves in. We are well past that age and have survived being empty nesters and now into retirement. I’m sure some people in our circle are not happily married but are reconciled to staying together.

I don't think this is true. Numbers go way up when kids go to college, and then there's the whole phenomenon of gray divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the “trade up” types. The ones who are constantly upgrading their car, their kitchen, their vacations, their homes. They are never happy and continually searching for contentment from the outside. Eventually they will try and see if a new spouse does the trick.

This is so stupid and you obviously have not talked to real people who got divorced. I know many couples who got divorced and none of them fit what you said.

[Anonymous]

My different friend groups have vastly different divorce rates. My bridesmaids, mainly friends from high school, are all divorced. My husband's groomsmen are still married, but one died and another remained single.

In our parent group of five couples (we met because our kids were Scouts) none are divorced, all together at least 30 years.

In my profession, the designers and photographers divorce frequently, the reporters and editors much less so, and the copy editors rarely divorce. I mean, very rarely.

DH and I have been together 36 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My different friend groups have vastly different divorce rates. My bridesmaids, mainly friends from high school, are all divorced. My husband's groomsmen are still married, but one died and another remained single.

In our parent group of five couples (we met because our kids were Scouts) none are divorced, all together at least 30 years.

In my profession, the designers and photographers divorce frequently, the reporters and editors much less so, and the copy editors rarely divorce. I mean, very rarely.

DH and I have been together 36 years.

I am an editor. Divorced. It is much different now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the “trade up” types. The ones who are constantly upgrading their car, their kitchen, their vacations, their homes. They are never happy and continually searching for contentment from the outside. Eventually they will try and see if a new spouse does the trick.

This is so stupid and you obviously have not talked to real people who got divorced. I know many couples who got divorced and none of them fit what you said.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think when people are getting close to being empty nesters is when stay or split becomes topical. Without kids around do I want to stay with this person for the rest of my life or not? Sure, others split much earlier but often due to infidelity or abuse. I think many people decide to stay together because the known is easier than the unknown plus the financial implications could be a real challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when people are getting close to being empty nesters is when stay or split becomes topical. Without kids around do I want to stay with this person for the rest of my life or not? Sure, others split much earlier but often due to infidelity or abuse. I think many people decide to stay together because the known is easier than the unknown plus the financial implications could be a real challenge.

When you have different approaches to parenting and most of your arguments are because of that, when the kids launch that stress disappears. So, for many the retirement years are like a second honeymoon phase. My mom and dad said some of their happiest times were once they were empty nesters. They traveled extensively, with and without friends, had so many social outings and loved their grandkids. My brother really put them through the ringer in the teen/early adult years though he turned out fine eventually. It was nice to see that happiness and closeness.

We are 2 years away from full empty nest and a lot of our friends are there now. The ones that really started to cultivate their activities and experiences together in the years leading up to empty nest are so happy now---and extremely busy. I found as my teens have become so easy and have their own interests we have more time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when people are getting close to being empty nesters is when stay or split becomes topical. Without kids around do I want to stay with this person for the rest of my life or not? Sure, others split much earlier but often due to infidelity or abuse. I think many people decide to stay together because the known is easier than the unknown plus the financial implications could be a real challenge.

When you have different approaches to parenting and most of your arguments are because of that, when the kids launch that stress disappears. So, for many the retirement years are like a second honeymoon phase. My mom and dad said some of their happiest times were once they were empty nesters. They traveled extensively, with and without friends, had so many social outings and loved their grandkids. My brother really put them through the ringer in the teen/early adult years though he turned out fine eventually. It was nice to see that happiness and closeness.

We are 2 years away from full empty nest and a lot of our friends are there now. The ones that really started to cultivate their activities and experiences together in the years leading up to empty nest are so happy now---and extremely busy. I found as my teens have become so easy and have their own interests we have more time together.

My mother was a SAH helicopter mom whose life was totally child focused to the detriment of both my father and us. For a year or so before the last child left it was clear that depression was setting in and it got worse after we were gone. Therapy helped but not enough to save their marriage. For many years my dad tried to get her to be less child focused because of the risk but she’d get very angry at him.