Divorce trend
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Anonymous
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What does it say when 3 of my husband’s closest friends have gotten divorced, and none has of my closest friends have divorced? I’m just curious. Is it that the friends we have chosen to be close with are a certain type? Or is it maybe their professions? My husband’s friends are all in medicine.
Also is it just me or are all our neighbors in the midst of a divorce? Did covid just break everyone? |
Anonymous
Honestly, I only have 1 friend who divorced. DH has zero divorced friends. I think high pressure, big ego jobs have men who divorce more - like law, medicine, finance, CEO type jobs. Women in the same positions, divorce less. Statistically previously divorced people are likely to divorce again - and also marry each other. |
Anonymous
It says that your friends are so image conscious they can't bear the humiliation of A FAILED MARRIAGE despite being miserably unhappy or that your husband's friends are selfish and flaked out once domestic life got to be too much of a grind or that you pick friends that depend on their husbands financially and can't afford divorce or that your husband picks friends who are all addicts and their wives finally left them or that the divorce rate is higher in long hour careers or that once one of your husbands friends divorced the others finally felt unstuck and able to do the same and the same would happen just as quickly in your friends as soon as one of you breaks that ice It seems like you want to find some moral superiority in your friends - so sure you picked the more loyal, hard working, values oriented friends who put in the hard work for a successful marriage and your husband picked the childish, selfish, flakes who never matured after college |
Anonymous
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I agree in some circles it seems almost contagious, and I’m proud that my college friends and I are all still in our first marriages - it’s something that is not always easily done!
Of our circle of neighborhood friends, two couples divorced during covid and since then FOUR more have. Seems like a weird domino effect for sure…it sucks! |
Anonymous
Wow, ok. Seems like I hit a nerve. From the reasons listed by pps, my best guess is that my friends can’t afford divorce or have the legal savvy to try and navigate it, so it looks less viable as an option. They have far from ideal marriages, but we all kind of muddle through it and all the challenges. Also, my husbands friends work a heck of a lot more than 40hrs per week and I think that has a lot to do with it. |
Anonymous
| Over the years very few of our friends have gotten divorced which is surprising given the statistics. I’m not sure if this is true but divorce seems to peak when people hit their 40’s and some kind of midlife crisis moves in. We are well past that age and have survived being empty nesters and now into retirement. I’m sure some people in our circle are not happily married but are reconciled to staying together. |
Anonymous
| I have so many female friends who either stay at home or work part time who are miserable in their marriages but don’t see a way out. One is waiting for an inheritance to pull the trigger. The rest seem to be suffering through due to lack of opportunities without completely decimating their lifestyles. |
Anonymous
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I’m 55 and most my friends are either stuck in a pretty miserable marriage but can’t afford to get out or are too religious to do that.
I have a few actually happily married friends, I think it probably says your friends are young, stuck, religious or maybe happy. Do they tend to be more religious? I think also says your H’s friends are maybe a little older and/or have resources to get out. |
Anonymous
Yeah. Those of us with full-time careers don’t have time to sit around and find fault with everything. The affairs I know of were all SAHMs. |
Anonymous
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My DH’s friends who have divorced are rich.
The others we know are well-off but only barely. On our block, 3 of 8 houses and 4 families had post-pandemic divorces (one house had 2 sets of successive residents divorce- bad energy!). We live in the less expensive edge of a very expensive neighborhood. Our street is one that people end up on when they are stretching to squeak into the neighborhood and is way less nice than the rest of it. My pet theory is that families who end up on it are already stretched and anxious about accessing better resources, but the pressure of being part of a neighborhood where everyone else has nicer and more can really break someone’s confidence as well as a couple’s relationship. It used the be a starter house block for the fancy neighborhood and people would move to the nice part after a few years. Now the gulf between prices is so wide as so make it impossible. Being content in a 1500 sq ft house with street parking near a commercial strip and busy intersections when the rest of the school zone has 4000 sq ft houses with waterfront or views and sport courts and driveways isn’t easy on a family. |
Anonymous
None of my neighbors have divorced post-covid. |
Anonymous
I talked with a friend when he was looking at residence and one of the places he looked at had an 100% divorce rate for residents by year 5. Meaning some married residents got divorced twice in the span of their residence. I'd say about 50% of my friends that went to med school got divorced. That is different than almost every other group I know. |
Anonymous
| It’s a coincidence, OP. Not a “trend.” |
Anonymous
This. I was a SAHM who got antsy after 7 years out of the workforce and slowly, through volunteering and a poorly paid non-profit job, made my way back into the workforce. So when DH had a COVID-midlife crisis I was able to find a job. I was feeling bad about being a divorced but then surprised how many married acquaintances kind of hinted that they were unhappy and expressed how they admired me. It is not ideal for my kids in anyway, however they are coping relatively well because ex and I, though I strongly dislike him and have no desire to be friends, are able to be civil in front of the kids. |
Anonymous
| Guy here - I’m 55 and very happily married and most of my guy friends seem happy but you never know. I know a lot of divorced guys at my club but I’m not part of that circle and don’t want to be. All of them are in their late 40s and early 50’s and I’m pretty clueless as to the reasons for the divorce. The one commonality is that their exes were almost all SAHMs. I’m sure some of ladies out there could provide reasons why that might be the case. |