Divorce trend

[Anonymous]

Cancer has been more prevalent in our social circles than divorce.

[Anonymous]

If they are in medicine then I presume they are well off and probably have significant marital assets for their wives to go after in divorce.

Women file for divorce approximately 75 - 80% of the time. When a man has significant resources and future income potential there is no real barrier and all the motivation in the world (i.e., child support, alimony, asset division) for a woman to file for divorce. Follow the money.

With a high earning man the wife often says "he worked too much and wasn't emotionally available to me" as the initial excuse for her desire to divorce. The same wife, however, will also complain if the man reduces his work and brings home less money. The root cause is not the man emotional availability. The root cause is that life became very predictable and stable and she is longing for emotional variety. She wants an emotional adventure and is looking for an excuse to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Social media has quite a bit to do with it IMO. It is all meme's about how husbands or wives are useless. I see so many people just faces buried in phones watching short clips non stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are in medicine then I presume they are well off and probably have significant marital assets for their wives to go after in divorce.

Women file for divorce approximately 75 - 80% of the time. When a man has significant resources and future income potential there is no real barrier and all the motivation in the world (i.e., child support, alimony, asset division) for a woman to file for divorce. Follow the money.

With a high earning man the wife often says "he worked too much and wasn't emotionally available to me" as the initial excuse for her desire to divorce. The same wife, however, will also complain if the man reduces his work and brings home less money. The root cause is not the man emotional availability. The root cause is that life became very predictable and stable and she is longing for emotional variety. She wants an emotional adventure and is looking for an excuse to divorce.

As someone living this, this just isn’t true. I and many of my peers feel boxed out and relegated to domestic life when our husbands didn’t rise to the occasion as promised when we had kids. So our careers had to be scaled back to always be the one to make drop offs and pick ups and sick days and middle of the night feeds and our stars dimmed more and more bc our husbands couldn’t stand to step back in the slightest way. We all would have been happier with more balanced relationships where we fairly negotiated both our career goals and domestic needs. So yes once I knew I’d been fine financially despite my career being in the shitter, I said f-this. But none of this is the life I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media has quite a bit to do with it IMO. It is all meme's about how husbands or wives are useless. I see so many people just faces buried in phones watching short clips non stop.

Yes, I clicked the button to unfollow/unsee those types of posts, partly because of the negativity, but their promotion gender stereotypes bothered me more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does it say when 3 of my husband’s closest friends have gotten divorced, and none has of my closest friends have divorced? I’m just curious. Is it that the friends we have chosen to be close with are a certain type? Or is it maybe their professions? My husband’s friends are all in medicine.

Also is it just me or are all our neighbors in the midst of a divorce? Did covid just break everyone?

None of my neighbors have divorced post-covid.

Neither have mine, nor and friends or family. All 25+ year marriages. All of my friends from college are still married to the first spouse.

[Anonymous]

^ I live in a SFH of $1.75-4 million homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are in medicine then I presume they are well off and probably have significant marital assets for their wives to go after in divorce.

Women file for divorce approximately 75 - 80% of the time. When a man has significant resources and future income potential there is no real barrier and all the motivation in the world (i.e., child support, alimony, asset division) for a woman to file for divorce. Follow the money.

With a high earning man the wife often says "he worked too much and wasn't emotionally available to me" as the initial excuse for her desire to divorce. The same wife, however, will also complain if the man reduces his work and brings home less money. The root cause is not the man emotional availability. The root cause is that life became very predictable and stable and she is longing for emotional variety. She wants an emotional adventure and is looking for an excuse to divorce.

As someone living this, this just isn’t true. I and many of my peers feel boxed out and relegated to domestic life when our husbands didn’t rise to the occasion as promised when we had kids. So our careers had to be scaled back to always be the one to make drop offs and pick ups and sick days and middle of the night feeds and our stars dimmed more and more bc our husbands couldn’t stand to step back in the slightest way. We all would have been happier with more balanced relationships where we fairly negotiated both our career goals and domestic needs. So yes once I knew I’d been fine financially despite my career being in the shitter, I said f-this. But none of this is the life I wanted.

I’m a lucky one. I did scale back my career when my kids were tweens but luckily I found work that was far more rewarding even if the pay was lousy. My husband alway said do what makes you happy. He was very successful and he was gone from 7 to 7 but he rarely worked at home in the evening or on weekends so he was all in with me and our children. Yes, I made the career trade off and do wonder what I could have accomplished in business but we are very happy and the choices I made, not my husband, have worked out very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are in medicine then I presume they are well off and probably have significant marital assets for their wives to go after in divorce.

Women file for divorce approximately 75 - 80% of the time. When a man has significant resources and future income potential there is no real barrier and all the motivation in the world (i.e., child support, alimony, asset division) for a woman to file for divorce. Follow the money.

With a high earning man the wife often says "he worked too much and wasn't emotionally available to me" as the initial excuse for her desire to divorce. The same wife, however, will also complain if the man reduces his work and brings home less money. The root cause is not the man emotional availability. The root cause is that life became very predictable and stable and she is longing for emotional variety. She wants an emotional adventure and is looking for an excuse to divorce.

As someone living this, this just isn’t true. I and many of my peers feel boxed out and relegated to domestic life when our husbands didn’t rise to the occasion as promised when we had kids. So our careers had to be scaled back to always be the one to make drop offs and pick ups and sick days and middle of the night feeds and our stars dimmed more and more bc our husbands couldn’t stand to step back in the slightest way. We all would have been happier with more balanced relationships where we fairly negotiated both our career goals and domestic needs. So yes once I knew I’d been fine financially despite my career being in the shitter, I said f-this. But none of this is the life I wanted.

Agree with response. My exDH wanted me to not work. I was the one who wanted to. I much prefer a kinder more present partner than someone who is financially controlling me and then expects me to be grateful for material things I didn't want in the first place. Now I'm laughing because I have my own income, get half the assets, and he has to doubt whether his new younger girlfriend actually likes him or is just using him, whereas I was with him from the earlier days when he was barely working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s friends are all in medicine.

I talked with a friend when he was looking at residence and one of the places he looked at had an 100% divorce rate for residents by year 5. Meaning some married residents got divorced twice in the span of their residence. I'd say about 50% of my friends that went to med school got divorced. That is different than almost every other group I know.

DH is a surgeon and most of his friends are married with kids. Of course there was the guy who got his PA pregnant and another whose wife cheated on him and they got divorced. Most are married with 2-4 kids. I would not say our physician friends have a higher rate of divorce than other professions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I live in a SFH of $1.75-4 million homes.

Less financial stress, more resources, easier to stay together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media has quite a bit to do with it IMO. It is all meme's about how husbands or wives are useless. I see so many people just faces buried in phones watching short clips non stop.

Yes, I clicked the button to unfollow/unsee those types of posts, partly because of the negativity, but their promotion gender stereotypes bothered me more.

No one I see in my feed posts this. More the opposite of long mushy anniversary tributes to their partner in flattering photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have so many female friends who either stay at home or work part time who are miserable in their marriages but don’t see a way out. One is waiting for an inheritance to pull the trigger. The rest seem to be suffering through due to lack of opportunities without completely decimating their lifestyles.

Yeah. Those of us with full-time careers don’t have time to sit around and find fault with everything. The affairs I know of were all SAHMs.

Gratuitous bashing of SAHMs – jealous much? And actually, the data has shown that the group of women *most* likely to cheat are wives who earn more than their husbands, i.e. the exact opposite end of the financial spectrum as SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media has quite a bit to do with it IMO. It is all meme's about how husbands or wives are useless. I see so many people just faces buried in phones watching short clips non stop.

Yes, I clicked the button to unfollow/unsee those types of posts, partly because of the negativity, but their promotion gender stereotypes bothered me more.

No one I see in my feed posts this. More the opposite of long mushy anniversary tributes to their partner in flattering photos.

I have no idea what my wife watches on social media, but it’s definitely non-stop. At one point she was spending 70 hours a week on her phone. Just makes her emotionally unavailable. At this point I’m just trying to get her off the phone during dinner so my kids don’t pick up the habit when they get older (and I’m going to fight tooth and nail to prevent them getting their own phones for as long as possible—such a time suck when you could be experiencing so much more of life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have so many female friends who either stay at home or work part time who are miserable in their marriages but don’t see a way out. One is waiting for an inheritance to pull the trigger. The rest seem to be suffering through due to lack of opportunities without completely decimating their lifestyles.

Yeah. Those of us with full-time careers don’t have time to sit around and find fault with everything. The affairs I know of were all SAHMs.

Gratuitous bashing of SAHMs – jealous much? And actually, the data has shown that the group of women *most* likely to cheat are wives who earn more than their husbands, i.e. the exact opposite end of the financial spectrum as SAHMs.

The group I see divorcing most often is when the wife is the breadwinner. Many very successful women seem to ditch their husbands. It is such a double standard. If the husband is the high earner and wife mommy tracks or stay home, this is common and fine. When the husband does it, he often looks weak and like a loser. Add in that the mom often still handles much of the mental load of kids and she may get increasingly more agitated at the husband.