If you had an extremely, extremely difficult first baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I mean, I acknowledged my ignorance in my post. I am not saying I KNOW or that I am judging responses.

But you do realize the logical conclusion of what you are saying? What about a baby that never had a Mom??? Like…that baby would definitionally starve? All the single Dads or gay male couples? What are they doing?

I guess I just have to believe this can be managed up front.

As a parent of a child with a feeding tube, I think the logical conclusion is that children like mine exist.

[Anonymous]

My first baby had bad acid reflux and horrible sleeping issues- couldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. We were set on having at least 2, and we were able to get past the reflux and fix the sleeping issues around one year old, so we did end up going for the second a few months after that. Second baby was a much easier baby but much harder toddler!!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - first, it gets better!!

My first essentially didn’t sleep for the first two years of his life. In a moment of madness, we got pregnant again when he was only a year old. The rationale being that I didn’t want to get our lives back on track (sleeping again, routine) only to go through the newborn sleep torture phase again a few years later.

They’re just under two years apart and we’re finally coming out of the tunnel at 1.5yo and 3yo. It was intense but it’s over and now we’re rediscovering life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you took your pump and left the house for 12 hours.

The moms I know with the “baby wouldn’t take the bottle” are very anxious and you can poke holes in their stories to figure out they never even tried besides maybe an hour when they left the house.

If you want your baby to take a bottle, you can make it happen. Same with baby sleep. You just have to want it enough and care about your child and also your autonomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I mean, I acknowledged my ignorance in my post. I am not saying I KNOW or that I am judging responses.

But you do realize the logical conclusion of what you are saying? What about a baby that never had a Mom??? Like…that baby would definitionally starve? All the single Dads or gay male couples? What are they doing?

I guess I just have to believe this can be managed up front.

As a parent of a child with a feeding tube, I think the logical conclusion is that children like mine exist.

But it’s incredibly unusual. 99.9999% of babies will take a bottle after mom has been away for a day.

My own baby wouldn’t switch to a sippy cup. Refused. After 3 hours she gave in. You have to keep at it. I don’t believe you were away for 12 hours. Your baby was spoiled, wanted to nurse and you gave in. Most likely after 30 minutes to one hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

I was a PP that had a kid who wouldn’t take the bottle. He was born premature and was bottle fed for weeks. He had to learn how to nurse between 5-6 weeks. Once he learned, he only wanted the breast. We tried having my husband feed him with a bottle. He refused. When I went back to work, the doctor promised he would eat when hungry. I had pumped milk for him every day for the nanny to give in a bottle. Some days he ate nothing. Some days he had 1-3 ounces the entire day. He would take a small amount to take the edge off his hunger and then wait for mom to come home. Then he would nurse all night every few hours. At one year, the doctor was worried about his small size so she recommended I keep nursing him at night and focusing on high calorie solids during the day. She told me to put butter on everything. She admitted he was one stubborn kid and he defied her promise that he would drink when hungry. We got him on a sippy cup as soon as we could and he was better about drinking milk when he could do it himself.

This is where you went wrong. You don’t go along with that. You have them scream all night one night and then the next morning offer a bottle. Done.

[Anonymous]

To the PP who said her baby couldn't take a bottle, I believe you. All kids are different, and we are all just trying our best here.

[Anonymous]

I had a 2 nd because I assumed I was a bad mom and the 1st was just a normal baby.

Then I had #2 and I was like WTF! He was soooooooo easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our first baby was incredibly difficult. It's a miracle we dared to have any more kids. The second and third were dream babies and so easy/content. It was a whole new world and I couldn't believe how easy other parents had it til I experienced the difference.

This was our experience, although we stopped at 2. First was a challenge with severe reflux and colic and very difficult sleep issues that werent resolved until she was nearly 2yo, and the exhaustion triggered severe PPD/PPA for me. 4 years later, DD #2 was a dream baby who barely ever spit up, napped well in her crib, and was sleeping in 5 hour chunks overnight by the time she was 4 weeks old. She's my daredevil child now and has several anaphylactic food allergies, so there's challenges there that we didn't experience with our firstborn, who is now an easygoing 7yo. I guess that's the tradeoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you took your pump and left the house for 12 hours.

The moms I know with the “baby wouldn’t take the bottle” are very anxious and you can poke holes in their stories to figure out they never even tried besides maybe an hour when they left the house.

If you want your baby to take a bottle, you can make it happen. Same with baby sleep. You just have to want it enough and care about your child and also your autonomy.

I don't care if you believe it. She's 17 now, autistic and has ARFID (basically, will starve herself if she doesn't perceive the available food as "safe." We of course didn't know any of this when she was a baby, but in retrospect, this was an early sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you took your pump and left the house for 12 hours.

The moms I know with the “baby wouldn’t take the bottle” are very anxious and you can poke holes in their stories to figure out they never even tried besides maybe an hour when they left the house.

If you want your baby to take a bottle, you can make it happen. Same with baby sleep. You just have to want it enough and care about your child and also your autonomy.

Wow, you're really a piece of work, aren't you? The perfect mom!!! Anyone with a difficult experience is just doing it wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I mean, I acknowledged my ignorance in my post. I am not saying I KNOW or that I am judging responses.

But you do realize the logical conclusion of what you are saying? What about a baby that never had a Mom??? Like…that baby would definitionally starve? All the single Dads or gay male couples? What are they doing?

I guess I just have to believe this can be managed up front.

Yes. Some babies aren't born with the correct survival instincts. If the parents don't massively intervene or don't know what to do, they die. In some cases, this is a good thing, because whatever mutation(s) exist that made the baby that way would die off with that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

If your "lifestyle" prevents you from feeding a baby, by means other than a bottle, you should not have a baby.

Dear god. So, in your view, women who have to work full-time shouldn't have a baby?

[Anonymous]

I absolutely believe there are parents who have very difficult babies. But I also know that there are parents who simply have a really tough time adjusting their lives to a baby and assume the baby itself is the problem.

FWIW, I'd wager more folks on here have encountered parents who fall in the latter category as opposed to the former and, as a result, resist the idea of truly difficult babies. Not an excuse, just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our first baby was incredibly difficult. It's a miracle we dared to have any more kids. The second and third were dream babies and so easy/content. It was a whole new world and I couldn't believe how easy other parents had it til I experienced the difference.

Only on our second but same... I don't think this baby is even that 'easy' compared to others I know but OMG is he easy compared to our first! Thankfully the first is 3.5 now and a delight but those first 2 years were hellish. Having both of them now is 1000x better/easier than only having one extremely difficult child. I'm very glad we didn't let those difficult years deter us from having a second.