Mean girls mean moms

[Anonymous]

So far no mean girls, as of first grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the mean girls in my daughter’s class has a very nice mom. I don’t know how her daughter got to be so nasty. Her mom is either doesn’t notice or is “too nice” to know how to handle her own kid.

Same. The only girl who was ever mean to my daughter had a perfectly nice mom. I don’t think she had a clue.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there is a lot of rhyme or reason to it. One of the most horrible women I’ve ever met had a very sweet and kind daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

WTF? Your uninformed take on it is the financially secure don’t produce mean children. Stupidest thing I have ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

This is one of the stupidest things I’ve read on DCUM in while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

WTF? Your uninformed take on it is the financially secure don’t produce mean children. Stupidest thing I have ever heard.

+1, this does not track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a friend of mine last night who has all boys. She hadn’t encountered this whole phenomenon until her boys started dating. She was surprised at how mean the girl was, and even more surprised that the mom seemed to condone and encourage it.

I have two daughters and haven’t encountered it. I think this is only an issue if you have a daughter that wants to be in the cool kid crowd and isn’t interested in friendships with any other kids

Only? Not my experience. Girls will be mean and bully other girls even when those girls just want the mean girls to go away and leave them alone. Nice victim blaming.

Plus a million. The other kids really just want these bullies to leave them alone, but the mean kids just get a charge out of taunting them, excluding them, and getting others to go along with their campaigns of hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

This isnt our experience at a dc public school with affluent and diverse families. It is getting better in high school, but elementary and middle school were mean girl hell. And I agree that the moms are often surprisingly nice and clueless that their daughters are total dicks.[/quote

PP here, then my guess is that some of the parents aren’t as affluent as they’d like to seem. If Mom and Dad are struggling to keep up with the Jones’ they’re going to argue and fight about money. Kids pick up on those types of stresses. People who seem rich can be living huge paycheck to huge paycheck. I’ll bet you can find very mean girl behavior at the ritziest NYC private schools. No, what I’m talking about is the situations where everyone is truly, really financially well off and comfortable. When you’re parents are financially at ease, there’s a different atmosphere at home which leads to a better attitude outside of it.

Speaking as someone who has been referred to as adding “diversity” to an environment, I don’t think it helps with bullying. It only makes people like you less when you are different from how they are. I fail to see why people think it would aid in stopping mean girl behavior.

Being really, really, truly financially secure is the only thing I’ve seen that works.

Wow. This is really.... something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

It's actually quite the opposite, PP. Wealthier areas tend to have more mean girls.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the mean kids don't always come from the mean parents. I think it's because "meanness" is a lot more situational than people are willing to admit. Especially when it comes to the kinds of relational aggression people are talking about when they talk about "mean girl" behavior (which is not limited to girls but is more common in girls than boys) -- gossip, exclusion, teasing, isolation, etc.

The truth is that these are group behaviors that emerge from hierarchical relationships. We want to believe it's just one bad apple that creates these dynamics, but it's not -- it's a toxic culture with many components and people who are otherwise "good" can be "mean" within that context.

So yes, you can have a good kid who seems to have a good head on their shoulders and be kind and thoughtful within the family, but who engages in bullying, aggressive behaviors at school or in a group activity, because at home they feel loved and accepted, and at school they may feel threatened and insecure. Or at home they might not have trouble standing up for what is right, because they know it will be rewarded, but in a friend dynamic where gossip or nastiness is rewarded, that's what they do instead.

I think the best guard against these behaviors is raising kids who are independent minded and unafraid of going their own way. Even if it means disagreeing with YOU. When you teach kids that the most important thing is to get along and "be nice," I think it encourages group think and ingroup/outgroup dynamics that can easily lead even an otherwise "good" kid to engage in "mean" behaviors in order to protect their social position as a member of the group.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you think if any of this were true, any time you went to a therapist about a mean girl, they would say, “well, mean girl, mean mom?” The truth is people are mean for so many reasons. Some girls don’t know yet how to be targeted by mean behavior. Telling these kids to imagine it is nothing like living it. Once they live it, they may understand what they didn’t before and over time, become kind and empathetic. Mom might have been through that, while daughter hasn’t. Or girl might be feeling hurt and thinking of only herself, pointing to another girl, calling her mean, finding a group of friends to support her weight realizing that it too is also mean behavior. Resentment, insecurity, anxiety, seeing only one-side of an injustice makes people mean. Not knowing how to handle things can make people mean. So for example a girl who wants to be left alone by another girl who keeps harassing her might decide to tell a friend to stay away and do things that seem exclusive. Mom may know to say, “I need space right now.” Other times mom might be a as narcissist and unable to see her own behavior. Daughter who only sees mom’s behavior may try to be the opposite of it. Maybe she’ll persist that way. Maybe one day, tired of being a doormat, not knowing how to use her voice productively, she’ll flip over to the other side.

Feelings, child development and life journeys don’t follow simple rules.

[Anonymous]

Mean is subjective. What exactly are the girls and moms doing you find to be so mean, OP?