Mean girls mean moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

[Anonymous]

My daughter’s teacher told her to stop trying to get those girls to like her. They never would.
Instead, she should look for friends among the girls who want to be her friend and will be a good friend.

I thought this was good advice. Those girls are only going to get meaner in middle school and high school.

[Anonymous]

Tale as old as time. Don’t get involved in drama; that goes for both of you.

Be friends with people who are kind and want to spend time with you- be neutral to those that don’t. What’s so hard about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s teacher told her to stop trying to get those girls to like her. They never would.
Instead, she should look for friends among the girls who want to be her friend and will be a good friend.

I thought this was good advice. Those girls are only going to get meaner in middle school and high school.

This is the problem. People want what they can’t have. In this case and many like it, girls that are insecure seek out the “popular” girls and want so badly to be liked by them

[Anonymous]

I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

I wouldn’t say that the parents aren’t social. It’s more that they gossip a lot, form cliques, and kind of deliberately exclude other people and encourage their daughters to do the same.
For example, one little girl in my daughter’s class got lice. One of these moms found out and told everyone about it along with kind of an insinuation that the family was dirty. Then, suddenly, their 8 year old daughters just weren’t really friends with this little girl anymore. They stopped inviting her to things or attending anything she had planned. Didn’t really play with her at recess, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a friend of mine last night who has all boys. She hadn’t encountered this whole phenomenon until her boys started dating. She was surprised at how mean the girl was, and even more surprised that the mom seemed to condone and encourage it.

I have two daughters and haven’t encountered it. I think this is only an issue if you have a daughter that wants to be in the cool kid crowd and isn’t interested in friendships with any other kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

I’m not saying that bullying is because of race or education level. I was speculating that having a diversity of views (from sharing a space with people from different backgrounds and being exposed to different higher education ideas) may be why bullying hasn’t been a problem at our school. It’s also possible that my DCs weren’t targets or are unaware, but DCs say they haven’t witnessed or heard about any bullying issues at their school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

I wouldn’t say that the parents aren’t social. It’s more that they gossip a lot, form cliques, and kind of deliberately exclude other people and encourage their daughters to do the same.
For example, one little girl in my daughter’s class got lice. One of these moms found out and told everyone about it along with kind of an insinuation that the family was dirty. Then, suddenly, their 8 year old daughters just weren’t really friends with this little girl anymore. They stopped inviting her to things or attending anything she had planned. Didn’t really play with her at recess, etc.

Explain this one to me, please. Are you saying that the mothers should make friends with all of the other mothers? It seems logical to me that one might make friends with one or two others and then get together to do whatever based on common interest/time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

I wouldn’t say that the parents aren’t social. It’s more that they gossip a lot, form cliques, and kind of deliberately exclude other people and encourage their daughters to do the same.
For example, one little girl in my daughter’s class got lice. One of these moms found out and told everyone about it along with kind of an insinuation that the family was dirty. Then, suddenly, their 8 year old daughters just weren’t really friends with this little girl anymore. They stopped inviting her to things or attending anything she had planned. Didn’t really play with her at recess, etc.

I push back on this with facts. "Lice pose no health risks to anyone. They do not carry disease. She most likely caught it AT school from someone else, so it didn't start with her." and then good god invite the poor child over.

If I heard another mom talking trash about a kid with lice, I would be the one cutting her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

Yeah I have witnessed that too. If you look a little closer, you find the mom is a mean girl towards her own DD but nice to everyone else. In turn the DD treats others poorly, because it is the way she is treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been surprised there’s no mean girl dynamic in DC’s class. I think it may because we have a very diverse student body in a highly educated area, so this helps.

This is a strange, because mean girl behavior has nothing to do with race or education. Mean girls are everywhere. You’re daughter is either unaware of them or is the mean girl.

There are bad people everywhere, but in my experience, mean girl behavior is less common in wealthier, homogeneous areas. By homogeneous I’m not talking about racial or ethnic commonality, I’m talking about financial homogeneity.

When everyone can afford to have the same things, there’s less jealousy and less overt meanness and exclusion. I’ve seen it over and over again, very rich people, no matter what their disposition, are outwardly polite.

There may be some truth in this. We used to live in a high farms area and now live in a wealthy neighborhood. Public school in our old neighborhood had a very diverse racial and SES population. UMC white girl calling out free lunch kids is a different type of mean than Girl Scouts hanging out in a clique and not playing with a girl not in Girl Scouts. My DD is still young and there is definitely a strong Girl Scouts presence at our school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

Are the moms genuinely nice or are they fake sweet where you never know if they believe what they say? As a woman, those women drive me completely bonkers. Polite, chatty, and say all of the right things, but not genuine in the least. I just avoid them, but I can imagine they're different behind closed doors and maybe the daughters are picking up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed the opposite...the mean girls always have really nice, sociable moms.

I'm always so surprised how nice the families of the mean girls are.

Are the moms genuinely nice or are they fake sweet where you never know if they believe what they say? As a woman, those women drive me completely bonkers. Polite, chatty, and say all of the right things, but not genuine in the least. I just avoid them, but I can imagine they're different behind closed doors and maybe the daughters are picking up on that.

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