Mean girl behavior in 1st…. Tricky situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 5th and 6th graders here -- trust me when I tell you that six years old is not the age for "mean girl behavior" and it is likely just a child trying to figure out social interactions. The kid needs to be coached and your kid needs to be coached on how to react to things this child says and does.

I agree with the posters asking for examples - we don't know if this kid said she doesn't like your daughter's shirt or if this kid said your daughter is going to hell or she wants to kill your child. We'd obviously offer very different advice in all of those situations. Please come back with examples if you want good advice. Everything else is just speculation/not going to help.

That’s just not true. Six year olds are very capable of mean girl behavior. I had a bully in first grade. She lived across the street and made my life a living hell. Believe it or not, she was jealous of me because a little boy in our class whom she liked had a crush on me instead. She tried to turn everyone against me. She’d verbally attack anyone who tried to play with me on our street and in our class. She’d call me poor and make fun of my clothes (which were actually perfectly nice). She’d make fun of my immigrant parents and our ethnicity, on a daily basis. She’d follow me around on the playground and scream at me. (Of course, that made the little boy object of her affection only like me more and her less. And that of course, that only worsened her behavior.) It was a misery and didn’t end until I beat her up. Why did I beat her up? Because she called my little kindergartener brother a very derogatory term for gay people. I pulled the crap out of her hair and that put a stop to it.

OP please ignore the posters who are telling you that only older girls can be mean girls. Maybe the rest of you have forgotten the horrors of elementary school bullying, but I haven’t. And I recall the mean girl behavior being much worse in first and second grade than later on. By 5th and 6th grade the mean girls start to turn on each other and that’s when their parents start to notice their daughter’s bad acts for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 5th and 6th graders here -- trust me when I tell you that six years old is not the age for "mean girl behavior" and it is likely just a child trying to figure out social interactions. The kid needs to be coached and your kid needs to be coached on how to react to things this child says and does.

I agree with the posters asking for examples - we don't know if this kid said she doesn't like your daughter's shirt or if this kid said your daughter is going to hell or she wants to kill your child. We'd obviously offer very different advice in all of those situations. Please come back with examples if you want good advice. Everything else is just speculation/not going to help.

That’s just not true. Six year olds are very capable of mean girl behavior. I had a bully in first grade. She lived across the street and made my life a living hell. Believe it or not, she was jealous of me because a little boy in our class whom she liked had a crush on me instead. She tried to turn everyone against me. She’d verbally attack anyone who tried to play with me on our street and in our class. She’d call me poor and make fun of my clothes (which were actually perfectly nice). She’d make fun of my immigrant parents and our ethnicity, on a daily basis. She’d follow me around on the playground and scream at me. (Of course, that made the little boy object of her affection only like me more and her less. And that of course, that only worsened her behavior.) It was a misery and didn’t end until I beat her up. Why did I beat her up? Because she called my little kindergartener brother a very derogatory term for gay people. I pulled the crap out of her hair and that put a stop to it.

OP please ignore the posters who are telling you that only older girls can be mean girls. Maybe the rest of you have forgotten the horrors of elementary school bullying, but I haven’t. And I recall the mean girl behavior being much worse in first and second grade than later on. By 5th and 6th grade the mean girls start to turn on each other and that’s when their parents start to notice their daughter’s bad acts for the first time.

You....need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 5th and 6th graders here -- trust me when I tell you that six years old is not the age for "mean girl behavior" and it is likely just a child trying to figure out social interactions. The kid needs to be coached and your kid needs to be coached on how to react to things this child says and does.

I agree with the posters asking for examples - we don't know if this kid said she doesn't like your daughter's shirt or if this kid said your daughter is going to hell or she wants to kill your child. We'd obviously offer very different advice in all of those situations. Please come back with examples if you want good advice. Everything else is just speculation/not going to help.

That’s just not true. Six year olds are very capable of mean girl behavior. I had a bully in first grade. She lived across the street and made my life a living hell. Believe it or not, she was jealous of me because a little boy in our class whom she liked had a crush on me instead. She tried to turn everyone against me. She’d verbally attack anyone who tried to play with me on our street and in our class. She’d call me poor and make fun of my clothes (which were actually perfectly nice). She’d make fun of my immigrant parents and our ethnicity, on a daily basis. She’d follow me around on the playground and scream at me. (Of course, that made the little boy object of her affection only like me more and her less. And that of course, that only worsened her behavior.) It was a misery and didn’t end until I beat her up. Why did I beat her up? Because she called my little kindergartener brother a very derogatory term for gay people. I pulled the crap out of her hair and that put a stop to it.

OP please ignore the posters who are telling you that only older girls can be mean girls. Maybe the rest of you have forgotten the horrors of elementary school bullying, but I haven’t. And I recall the mean girl behavior being much worse in first and second grade than later on. By 5th and 6th grade the mean girls start to turn on each other and that’s when their parents start to notice their daughter’s bad acts for the first time.

You....need help.

Why? If reading someone recounting a life experience about being bullied makes you think that he or she “needs help,” perhaps you are the one who has a problem.

Are you a bully?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 5th and 6th graders here -- trust me when I tell you that six years old is not the age for "mean girl behavior" and it is likely just a child trying to figure out social interactions. The kid needs to be coached and your kid needs to be coached on how to react to things this child says and does.

I agree with the posters asking for examples - we don't know if this kid said she doesn't like your daughter's shirt or if this kid said your daughter is going to hell or she wants to kill your child. We'd obviously offer very different advice in all of those situations. Please come back with examples if you want good advice. Everything else is just speculation/not going to help.

No, let's not trust you. My daughter endured this behavior in 1st grade as the new girl. When she became friendly with a few girls the insecure friends really targeted her and tried to isolate and exclude her to maintain their position in the pecking order. It was a hard adjustment because I naively believed, as you do, that this sort of behavior doesn't exist at 6. It does. I have a 7th grader, so I know well enough what this behavior looks like and it starts early.

[Anonymous]

My DD met mean girl behavior in kindergarten. She was dragged across the playground, bruised, tattled taled on, alienated from other girls. It totally happens at a younger age. I recommend the book “little girls can be mean”

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who said we are getting caught up in semantics.

Who cares if it's a girl being mean or "mean girl" behavior as described by Tina Fey? Yes, of course we need to consider the age of the child. Of course their developmental level is part of the equation when it comes to intent. I don't understand the implication that we need to have empathy for a 6 year old who behaves badly, but not a 16 year old? We need to have empathy for everyone and understand where they are coming from, obviously.

Way more important is how the hurt child is being treated and how to overcome it. OP is not going to yell at her neighbor, "Your DD is a mean girl!" so what is the point of this conversation? She's not framing it in her mind exactly as you would? It's a very immature way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster who said we are getting caught up in semantics.

Who cares if it's a girl being mean or "mean girl" behavior as described by Tina Fey? Yes, of course we need to consider the age of the child. Of course their developmental level is part of the equation when it comes to intent. I don't understand the implication that we need to have empathy for a 6 year old who behaves badly, but not a 16 year old? We need to have empathy for everyone and understand where they are coming from, obviously.

Way more important is how the hurt child is being treated and how to overcome it. OP is not going to yell at her neighbor, "Your DD is a mean girl!" so what is the point of this conversation? She's not framing it in her mind exactly as you would? It's a very immature way of thinking.

Why do we need to be empathetic to a girl actively excluding, taunting and being mean to another girl because she is immature, lacks social skills, etc? Do you understand how difficult and damaging this is for the victim? I tell my daughter to avoid and get away from those girls as much as she can. I'm not telling her to understand where they are coming from and to feel sorry for them.