15 year old hanging with adults all night- is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

The 15 year old was your guest. If you don't want to socialize with your guests don't invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

I am trying to say this as kindly as possible but it does seem like you are either less laidback than your other friends and this may be an issue in approach and/or you don't know what it's like to have a 15 year old girl. I have a teen close in age and she loves hanging with my friends and I love that they accept her. It's a tough age and I am just absolutely so grateful that they include her and that she has other adult role models to look to for advice as I am more uptight than they are Perhaps try to look at this as an honor or at least an opportunity to understand teens before you have your own. Once she feels comfortable and accepted by your family, perhaps she will roam and leave you all or perhaps she is a gift to you to open your eyes to how you be a little less self-centered.

[Anonymous]

Some 15 year-olds would be happy to hang out with certain 11 year-olds, and some would not hang out with any 11 year-olds under any circumstances. Neither is abnormal, teens just have different tastes. If the teen does not have younger siblings, it's unsurprising she would prefer adults.

This might be a lame suggestion, but the next time she is your guest, maybe play cards with her and the adults. After a certain age everyone is on level footing with cards.

[Anonymous]

OP you ATA here.

You're immature and selfish.

This man is being a great dad to his daughter, if you are really their friends you would welcome their teen to your table-- the more the merrier.

The fact that you tried to fob her off onto screens (movie and vied games) and she preferred to be with actual humans having areal conversations speaks volumes about both of your values and character.

Won't be surprised when this attitude bites you in the arse when your own kids become teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

This is absolutely NOT an only child thing. Please don’t add one more judgment about this poor 15 year old.

[Anonymous]

I mean don’t invite the whole family over if you don’t want to socialize with the whole family.

But, I have a 15 year old and he’d be fine hanging out with old family friends but, I can’t imagine a universe where he’d want to burn a Saturday hanging out with a couple of rando 40 somethings.

[Anonymous]

This is not "an only child thing." I know of several 13 - 15 year olds who are just like this at social gatherings, and all have siblings. (Meanwhile my only child would likely want to stay home and/or pull out a book and find a quiet corner). And to preempt the question, all places in the birth order are represented among the group, so it's also not an oldest/youngest/middle child thing.

OP, you have made me newly grateful to be in a social group that is made up of people who treat kids like people who are equally worthy of participating in social activities.

[Anonymous]

If you invite the whole family, expect to socialize with the whole family.

We only hang out with families (especially if solo or a small group) where the kids generally “mesh” -which gets more difficult as they get older.

In this case- I would have left my teen at home altogether, or quickly run her home after the meal if it isn’t far (letting you, the host, know beforehand). She often has her own plans, or would prefer to be home vs hanging out with an 11yo or a bunch of adults. Surely the 11yo can watch tv, invite a friend of her own, or do whatever she normally would do in the evening while her parents socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

No- get a babysitter and go OUT with friends, if you don’t want the kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

This is rich coming from someone's posts are filled with judgement of a 15 year old who, in your own words, was "lovely and a great guest." You start a judgmental thread and are surprised people are judgmental?!?

Continuing the judgment, I will also say if I were your guest I would also have found it weird that you served the kids early and separately from the adults. If you invite the whole family for dinner I assume it will be a family dinner. If what you are planning is an adult dinner party with the kids fed and occupied separately that's fine, but that's not what many people will expect, so you need to be very clear in your invitation. "We'd to have you and spouse over for a nice adult dinner. We know child care is hard to come by and the kids enjoy each other's company, so we thought you could bring them and we'd feed them before our dinner and then let them veg out with movies and video games in the rec room." This makes it clear that the family is invited to your house but not to the dinner, and they can choose whether to come and which family members to bring.

[Anonymous]

Please keep in mind that this is a blended family, and the whole family isn’t together every day. This was teen’s time with dad. Dad doesn’t want to treat teen like teen doesn’t really fit into his life and should stay home so he and second family can go have family time together, socializing outside the home. Teen doesn’t have anything in common with the younger kids. Teen did her best to fit in with the group she felt more comfortable with. This is hard for her because the rest of you have socialized and built relationships without her. She was the newcomer and odd person out, hanging out with two couples. It sounds like she was pleasant and sociable and rose to the occasion, even if she’s not the most interesting conversationalist.

Please don’t suggest she stay home in the future. Since she doesn’t live with Dad all the time, when she is with him (and possibly separated from all of her friends), she wants to spend time with him and he wants to spend time with her and make her feel like she’s just as much a part of the family as the rest of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- wow! So much judgement and hate already in this thread! Dcum never fails to dish up the vitriol.

Thanks to everyone kind for their reasonable responses. These are new friends and I’m not close enough with the woman to address it. Of course I understand and applaud it if the dad wants to spend time with his daughter on their weekends. She was lovely and a great guest. However, I would prefer not to spend my limited Saturday nights socializing with a 15 year old after being with my own kids all day.

I do think it may be an only child thing (she’s an only child on his side)

There you have it. You and the dad are not compatible for socializing on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Okay. So if this is normal, I just need to prepare to socialize with my friends and a 15 year old everytime we host them?

Im aware this sounds stupid, but do you all just sort of accept that you have to chat with boring and pedantic teens now (this one was a vegan and told us all about it) when you are trying to socialize with other adults?

Yes, if you want "adult only" time you have to spell it out. If you have a "family" event than expect the 15 year old not to want to hang out with your kids. Just tell the adults what you want! 15 year old can stay home alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What on earth did you expect to talk about that you couldn't broach in front of a 15 year old? Your swinging proposition? Your binges? Your new sex tape?

Teens are developmentally ready to talk with adults. I have an 18 year old in college and a 13 year old - they can talk and opine about current events, and they're mature enough to hear about personal struggles (sanitized for the 13 year old). When he was 15, my son would often hang out with the adults, because we have a social circle where he has always been the oldest. So unless his friends were there, he would gravitate towards us, listen nonchalantly and interject perfectly appropriate comments or questions.

I know you think your teens are fascinating, but adults don’t want to spend all evening talking to them. Sorry.

No, she shouldn’t have been a babysitter, but she should have stayed home alone and if there’s a valid reason that isn’t feasible, go into another room with her phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also feel a bit weird about this. I think it's appropriate that they stay for the main meal and then excuse themselves. Fine for them to be on their phone the rest of the night.

I think this phenomenon of thinking you're one of the adults is more common among only children.

Only children and/or spoiled, entitled children of “child led” families.