Spin off from "One Spouse Retires Early" thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

ffs OP, you've been doing everything. Do you think your DH will pick up the slack so you can just focus on work. No, he won't. Just retire. What's he going to do? Divorce you? I don't think so. He knows he'll need a caregiver in about 5 to 10 years. That will be you. So, you've got like a 5 to 8 years of actual retirement when you can relax until you will go from caring for your children to caring for your aging old fart.

Lol at this new DCUM obsession that elderly women are conscripted to a life of servitude as a caregiver. Women live like two years more than men on average so are usually in not much better shape than their husbands. Oh, and by the way, women suffer the exact same age-related maladies as men - about 75% of nursing home residents are women.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/why-men-often-die-earlier-than-women-201602199137

[Anonymous]

You and/or your husband spend too much money, OP. You both should have already been retired years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

ffs OP, you've been doing everything. Do you think your DH will pick up the slack so you can just focus on work. No, he won't. Just retire. What's he going to do? Divorce you? I don't think so. He knows he'll need a caregiver in about 5 to 10 years. That will be you. So, you've got like a 5 to 8 years of actual retirement when you can relax until you will go from caring for your children to caring for your aging old fart.

Lol at this new DCUM obsession that elderly women are conscripted to a life of servitude as a caregiver. Women live like two years more than men on average so are usually in not much better shape than their husbands. Oh, and by the way, women suffer the exact same age-related maladies as men - about 75% of nursing home residents are women.

We are talking about a 10 year age difference here.

[Anonymous]

I’m with most here. If you want to retire with your husband, discuss how you can cut costs and do so.

If you don’t want to restrict your lifestyle, you should consider working longer because you are 10 years younger, will live 2 years longer, and make one-third his salary. That means you’ll be enjoying his money for 12 years after he’s dead. Sounds like a good deal.

[Anonymous]

You probably have a lot of help. Let’s be real.

[Anonymous]

We’re in the same boat, but 15 years younger. Wife is working 5 extra years, but I’ve provided lifetime insurance and guaranteed income for her life and mine. She’ll have 35-40 years left to live after she retires. She thinks that’s a good deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the same boat, but 15 years younger. Wife is working 5 extra years, but I’ve provided lifetime insurance and guaranteed income for her life and mine. She’ll have 35-40 years left to live after she retires. She thinks that’s a good deal.

You can’t assume this to be true. You just can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re in the same boat, but 15 years younger. Wife is working 5 extra years, but I’ve provided lifetime insurance and guaranteed income for her life and mine. She’ll have 35-40 years left to live after she retires. She thinks that’s a good deal.

You can’t assume this to be true. You just can’t.

Ok. 30? It’s still a lot of years.

[Anonymous]

didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

OP here. Thanks to all for the feedback. I think this poster is right about pretty much everything. DH and I talked it through and he agrees that we should cut back on luxuries (because yes we're spending too much) and retire together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

OP here. Thanks to all for the feedback. I think this poster is right about pretty much everything. DH and I talked it through and he agrees that we should cut back on luxuries (because yes we're spending too much) and retire together.

And is he going to step up and take on more of the responsibilities at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

You don’t have to read all the responses but, at least, you need to read OP before giving any kind of advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a HHI of 800k and he plans on working until 70 and you until 60?

Something's not adding up, unless there is some debt or a lack of retirement savings?

+1

Kids from a prior marriage?

You can retire from your office job and/or retire from your home job.

If he retire from his office job maybe you should retire from your home job. Decide on your office job separately.

I personally would keep working until all kids are launched. Just as a safety net.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

You don’t have to read all the responses but, at least, you need to read OP before giving any kind of advice.

Does OP give her age in the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:didn't read all thread. How old are you now? How realistic is it really that you both even will be able to keep these jobs for many years to come, you seem so sure about your job security. Not sure what you do and how plausible it is to continue doing what you do well enough without burnout to keep your jobs despite competition. Maybe you can, just sounds unrealistic someone has a job paying high 6 figures and can keep up at it till 70 not skipping a beat. Likely your problem will need to be redefined after your spouse burns out and realizes starting to play golf all day at 70 isn't so fun.

Most importantly: Sounds like you also have deep personal resentment having to do second shift for decades while he could focus on his career and later having to be supporting him when you are already burnt out and deserve retirement just as much after doing 2 jobs. This is something you really need to hash out with him and make plans not around finances and goals, but also about preserving your marriage, because this resentment will only build up. And if he does have to retire earlier because of not being able to keep up, more pressure on you to keep working (that is if you have a cushy job with great job security). I would personally focus on making plans for early retirement for both of you and enjoying retirement together and avoiding costly divorce. It's about compromises at this point and lowering your expectations for luxuries at retirement. If you end up divorced none of you would afford these extra luxuries anyway. might as well retire earlier together and enjoy what matters.

OP here. Thanks to all for the feedback. I think this poster is right about pretty much everything. DH and I talked it through and he agrees that we should cut back on luxuries (because yes we're spending too much) and retire together.

DP here. OP, that's great! I'm so glad to hear that you and your DH have a good path forward.