Spin off from "One Spouse Retires Early" thread

[Anonymous]

I don't want to hijack the other thread but have a similar question.

DH is 10 years older and plans to retire at 70. I will be 60 and want to retire at the same time he does -- even though we'd probably be more comfortable if I kept working a few more years. Our financial planner suggests that I do that to have a better cushion, and just raised his eyebrows when I suggested that I should be able to retire at the same time.

I have worked fulltime for all but a few years of our 23 marriage and earn over $200K, so not an inconsequential amount. DH has left almost all of the childcare, bookkeeping, home maintenance, doctors, vacation planning and social plans to me even though I've tried hard to establish a healthier balance. He makes 3/4 of our income and has always said "do you want me to keep earning these bonuses?" So while it has felt like I'm working two or three fulltime jobs and I'm exhausted all the time, I've just done what he wanted. His only real chores are doing dishes after dinner and directing the yard guy on what to do.

So am I justified? Does all my unpaid labor mean that I've earned the right to retire when he does? If he's out playing golf while I'm still doing al of this, I don't think I'll be able to take it. He does wants us to spend time together enjoying retirement years, but agrees with the financial planner that we'd be better off with me working until 63 or 64.

[Anonymous]

If you make 1/4 of HHI (200k) that means he brings in 600k? Obviously, it's no brainer that you will be better off financially if you continue to work. You haven't told us anything about your assets/net worth. If you want to retire, I'd say just retire. Why do you need to justify to your DH??

[Anonymous]

So, your household income is 800,000 and you can't retire at 60? How much are you currently saving? I can't think of a reason that earnings of that high can plan to retire whenever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you make 1/4 of HHI (200k) that means he brings in 600k? Obviously, it's no brainer that you will be better off financially if you continue to work. You haven't told us anything about your assets/net worth. If you want to retire, I'd say just retire. Why do you need to justify to your DH??

I agree. I'm younger and I'm retiring when DH does. End of story. I am not willing to work and be the sole contributor to our joint finances while he golfs all day. We'll make do with what we have, which, based on the information you've provided, is probably in the ball park of what you have.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if your HHI is 800k you ought to have enough saved to retire by 60. Ours is less than 1/3 of that and has only been that high for a couple years! I still think I’ll be able to retire at 62.

I do think you should consider waiting until Medicare, unless you have insurance some other way.

[Anonymous]

Who raised their eyebrows the financial planner or your DH?

[Anonymous]

Have a talk with your DH to see what you both see doing in retirement. If you want to travel more, it makes sense for you both to retire at the same time. If he just wants to putter around the house or play tennis or golf or swim while you work, is he ready to take on some of the household work like grocery shopping and cooking if you are still working? You may find you want to keep working with a stay at home spouse.

What are your plans for healthcare if you retire prior to 65?

[Anonymous]

How much will you both have if you were to retire at 60? What are your expenses like?

If you have more than enough to retire on (and with your combined income I would expect you should), then I would definitely retire at 60.

DH is 59; I'm 53. He's going to retire at 62, and I'll also retire with him because we plan on traveling *together*. We will have to live on his retirement income for 3 years until I'm 59.5 and can touch mine without incurring penalties. I will have more in my retirement account by the time I hit 59 compared to DH's retirement account now. So, at some point, his will run out, and we will have to live on mine probably for a while.

IMO, this seems like a "my money is my money and yours is yours" kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a talk with your DH to see what you both see doing in retirement. If you want to travel more, it makes sense for you both to retire at the same time. If he just wants to putter around the house or play tennis or golf or swim while you work, is he ready to take on some of the household work like grocery shopping and cooking if you are still working? You may find you want to keep working with a stay at home spouse.

What are your plans for healthcare if you retire prior to 65?

I'm thinking a man who has done very little house work in 40 years is not all of a sudden gonna want to nor be decent at house work when he retires.

[Anonymous]

Note that he's not asking you to work as long as he did -- til he's 70. More like 3-4 more years instead of 10, which doesn't seem crazy to me, considering the health care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Note that he's not asking you to work as long as he did -- til he's 70. More like 3-4 more years instead of 10, which doesn't seem crazy to me, considering the health care.

In 3-4 years, DH will be 74. Good luck enjoying retirements together. It seems to me OP and her DH worked enough. If numbers look okay and health insurance is covered, I'd retire now and enjoy while he can still move around

[Anonymous]

WTF are you spending on that y'all have an HHI of $800K and can't afford to retire at 60?

He will have Medicare and you'll be able to get a good plan on the Obamacare exchange for like $8K per year. That's peanuts in comparison to your net worth.

Is this a 2nd marriage for both of you?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is about how hard you have worked or the fact that you have had to make the social plans etc etc. All irrelevant in my book.

The only things I would be asking are "can we afford to retire", to which your HHI would suggest the answer should be "yes", and "do we want to retire", again the answer appears to be "yes".

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are your kids? Have they left home yet?

I think it's reasonable to shift to roommate mode once the kids are living elsewhere. Hire a weekly cleaner, regular handyman, etc., and just stop doing as much of the stuff that wears you down as you can: don't make dinner, don't plan vacations, don't hold dinner parties. Meet your friends for lunch, or he can host a dinner out. But drop the rope and see if you feel less exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note that he's not asking you to work as long as he did -- til he's 70. More like 3-4 more years instead of 10, which doesn't seem crazy to me, considering the health care.

In 3-4 years, DH will be 74. Good luck enjoying retirements together. It seems to me OP and her DH worked enough. If numbers look okay and health insurance is covered, I'd retire now and enjoy while he can still move around

If they've been making around $800k combined, then the numbers better be okay or there is something much bigger wrong. Just make adjustments to your budget based on both of you retiring. Maybe he has to golf on public courses instead of maintain a membership at a private country club. I don't think OP has to justify anything to her husband or her DH if she wants to retire at 60 and he's also retiring. Just do it because you want to and stop letting other people control the narrative.