Spin off from "One Spouse Retires Early" thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your DH is going to do all the house stuff, grocery and cooking, deal with all the bills, etc.. basically be a sahh, so you can just focus on work and not think about anything else, sure.

But, I have a feeling that is not his plan.

Nobody is going to change their life at 70 fing years old, stop being daft.

+1.

OP married a self centered man, put up with all the crap and is now hoping he will change at 70? Dream on!

This was to be expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your DH is going to do all the house stuff, grocery and cooking, deal with all the bills, etc.. basically be a sahh, so you can just focus on work and not think about anything else, sure.

But, I have a feeling that is not his plan.

Nobody is going to change their life at 70 fing years old, stop being daft.

I know. Is OP ready for that? More than likely, OP's DH will have more time on their hands and will bug OP to take more time off, leave work early, and basically be a PIA at home.

Ready for what, she's been doing this for 30+ years. GMAFB, this is their relationship. The question is about money not their relationship.

FFS, the dude is 70, of course he is retiring. Don't marry an older dude if you don't want him to retire earlier.

The reality they don't need more money.

He shouldn't have married a younger woman either.

So OP keeps working while he enjoys a few years of retirement. When OP retires, he is going downhill and she switches from employee to care taker role. So OP never gets to truly retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

[Anonymous]

Save more and retire at the same time. Tell your husband this is what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

I would have a huge problem if he retires and still expects you to work AND do some of the empty nest home chores. What about healthcare for you and your college bound child? On the other hand, most people I know wait until they’re youngest graduates from college before retiring. Obviously, that is not realistic for your DH, but it is for you.

What is your spending like? Did it spike 8 years ago when your income spiked? If your income was more equal before the spike 8 years ago, I don’t see how your DH could get out of pulling his share of the kid duties prior to that as he did not have the ‘I make too much and should not have too’ attitude. How many other children do you have and how much longer before they are out of college?

Let your youngest drive themselves to practice and back, they should be old enough now. Buy food that is easy to fix. Everyone is old enough to fix their own dinners during the week. You can start dropping things from your plate now that you have older children. Make your life easier, now. See if that helps.

[Anonymous]

My husband is 4 years older than me but we entered the workforce at the same time due to grad school. I've also had to make the no-fun compromises (longer hours, less flexibility, living walking distance to his work and 50 miles from mine, getting further from the work I enjoy for the sake of salary/benefits while he continues to make a below-average salary in his passion job). He gets the dream job, short commute, and doesn't have to worry about money, doesn't seem like I should be the one working longer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, your household income is 800,000 and you can't retire at 60? How much are you currently saving? I can't think of a reason that earnings of that high can plan to retire whenever they want.

Lmao right? It seems ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Is this a second marriage or something, OP? It doesn’t really make sense, the way you describe it.

Regardless, he is not going to do all the things you want him to do. My (older) dad retired and slept all day and then expected my (younger) mom to continue working and to do every single f***ing thing when he got home from work. He just felt entitled to it, even though they earned literally the same amount when he retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your DH is going to do all the house stuff, grocery and cooking, deal with all the bills, etc.. basically be a sahh, so you can just focus on work and not think about anything else, sure.

But, I have a feeling that is not his plan.

Nobody is going to change their life at 70 fing years old, stop being daft.

I know. Is OP ready for that? More than likely, OP's DH will have more time on their hands and will bug OP to take more time off, leave work early, and basically be a PIA at home.

Ready for what, she's been doing this for 30+ years. GMAFB, this is their relationship. The question is about money not their relationship.

FFS, the dude is 70, of course he is retiring. Don't marry an older dude if you don't want him to retire earlier.

The reality they don't need more money.

He shouldn't have married a younger woman either.

So OP keeps working while he enjoys a few years of retirement. When OP retires, he is going downhill and she switches from employee to care taker role. So OP never gets to truly retire.

Exactly. Why even stay married under this scenario? If he quits working years before you can and he’s 10 years older and he’s not pulling more than his weight around the house, then he’s dead weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, your household income is 800,000 and you can't retire at 60? How much are you currently saving? I can't think of a reason that earnings of that high can plan to retire whenever they want.

+1. His income is $600K and he has to work until 70 to retire?!? He should retire at 60 and you at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your DH is going to do all the house stuff, grocery and cooking, deal with all the bills, etc.. basically be a sahh, so you can just focus on work and not think about anything else, sure.

But, I have a feeling that is not his plan.

Nobody is going to change their life at 70 fing years old, stop being daft.

I know. Is OP ready for that? More than likely, OP's DH will have more time on their hands and will bug OP to take more time off, leave work early, and basically be a PIA at home.

Ready for what, she's been doing this for 30+ years. GMAFB, this is their relationship. The question is about money not their relationship.

FFS, the dude is 70, of course he is retiring. Don't marry an older dude if you don't want him to retire earlier.

The reality they don't need more money.

yea, she's been doing it for 30 years. Why on earth would she want to do it for another 5 years when her DH won't be working. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

ffs OP, you've been doing everything. Do you think your DH will pick up the slack so you can just focus on work. No, he won't. Just retire. What's he going to do? Divorce you? I don't think so. He knows he'll need a caregiver in about 5 to 10 years. That will be you. So, you've got like a 5 to 8 years of actual retirement when you can relax until you will go from caring for your children to caring for your aging old fart.

[Anonymous]

You have a HHI of 800k and he plans on working until 70 and you until 60?

Something's not adding up, unless there is some debt or a lack of retirement savings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your DH is going to do all the house stuff, grocery and cooking, deal with all the bills, etc.. basically be a sahh, so you can just focus on work and not think about anything else, sure.

But, I have a feeling that is not his plan.

Nobody is going to change their life at 70 fing years old, stop being daft.

I know. Is OP ready for that? More than likely, OP's DH will have more time on their hands and will bug OP to take more time off, leave work early, and basically be a PIA at home.

Ready for what, she's been doing this for 30+ years. GMAFB, this is their relationship. The question is about money not their relationship.

FFS, the dude is 70, of course he is retiring. Don't marry an older dude if you don't want him to retire earlier.

The reality they don't need more money.

He shouldn't have married a younger woman either.

So OP keeps working while he enjoys a few years of retirement. When OP retires, he is going downhill and she switches from employee to care taker role. So OP never gets to truly retire.

It’s 3 years relax. Yes if marry different ages you retire a different times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spending must be out of control if you don’t have enough saved on that income.

OP here. To answer various questions. Our earnings spiked up about 8 years ago. We had enormous medical costs up to that point, so our savings weren't what they should have been when we needed to start paying for college.

Yes, we have "enough" money to retire. We can sell our house and pay for a nice condo with cash. We can just retire more comfortably if I work longer. I agree that my husband should certainly be able to retire at 70. I'd just rather tighten our belts than grind out 3-4 more years. We still have one child at home. It's still me doing after-sports pick-up, racing home to make dinner while supporting academics, and then logging back on at 9 PM to finish my own work. DH has been working remotely for years and I envy the freedom to work from a coffee shop or while out on a walk. It's a rare day that I can stop by Starbucks or leave work to get lunch out. I'm just looking to end this grind when DS leaves for college. No way will DH change his habits now.

The poster who seems to have a problem with me is, I suspect, the one in the relationship who considers his/her paycheck the contribution to the household.

ffs OP, you've been doing everything. Do you think your DH will pick up the slack so you can just focus on work. No, he won't. Just retire. What's he going to do? Divorce you? I don't think so. He knows he'll need a caregiver in about 5 to 10 years. That will be you. So, you've got like a 5 to 8 years of actual retirement when you can relax until you will go from caring for your children to caring for your aging old fart.

Lol at this new DCUM obsession that elderly women are conscripted to a life of servitude as a caregiver. Women live like two years more than men on average so are usually in not much better shape than their husbands. Oh, and by the way, women suffer the exact same age-related maladies as men - about 75% of nursing home residents are women.