What’s it like being married to a medical doctor (MD)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three siblings who are doctors and two of them married doctors.

I would recommend avoiding dating doctors. I mean if I met one I really liked and he asked me out, I would say yes, but I certainly wouldn't seek out doctors to date.

I liked my siblings much more before they became doctors. They all tend towards the arrogant and unsympathetic and entitled and self centered side. I think medical training dulls one's synmpathies - there are even studies showing doctors' brains light up less than others' brain when shown someone in pain or told a sad story. Also, i think they tend to be arrogant because they are in settings where a lot of people treat them like gods. And they never have to worry about being unemployed - a lot of them just don't get that most people have to hustle to build careers. They often look down on people who aren't successful. And they seem to think a lot of tasks are beneath them. And they are often logistical disasters and expect other people around them to compensate for that.

In short, they tend not to be very nice people.

And some of them make a ton but many of them make in the 180-300 range - which is a very good salary, but lots of professions make around that. It's not like you are totally hitting the financial jack pot when marrying all doctors.

This sounds like my BIL. He was the sweetest guy through college, and even the first couple years of medical school. He’s now a certified arrogant jacka$$. I miss the old him and who I thought he would be.

[Anonymous]

My niece is a doctor, and pretty high on herself. It doesn't help that some members of the family hang on her every word.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the practice. I have a lot of family who are doctors. My urban trauma surgeon relative has a lot of stress related to things he sees at work and is on call for crazy hours but also saves people’s lives daily. My dermatologist relative has a very different experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

Well, nitwit, not all doctors have wives who are SAHMs. Many actually have careers of their own. Should they pitch in then? Or is the fact they're a doctor remove them from any responsibility at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously on paper an MD is a serious catch. Educated, fairly high to very high income (surgeons), community status and professional network. Any noteworthy looming issues or are MD wives generally a very satisfied cohort?

In my experience:

Male doctors under age 40 = Arrogant passive-aggressive sissies

Female doctors under age 40 = Propensity for alcohol abuse, bitter, husband probably cheats, secretly hates all the carefree pretty moms at the kids’ school

[Anonymous]

I think that physicians in the lower earning bracket (pediatricians, family practice) are more likely to on average be decent human beings than physicians at the high end of the earning scale, and I think it's a personality thing. The high end is more likely to be occupied with Type A arseholes, than the bottom.

In my personal circle:

Female relative who is a pediatrician - divorced, husband was interested in someone he met at work and wanted out. Personality wise, she is very casual/laid back/not at all what you think of as a go-getter

Female friend married to a physician she met during residency - Met during residency, have been together over 20 years, still going strong. They are both really nice people that have not changed despite being somewhat sought after in their respective fields

Female friend married to a surgeon - Divorced. She said that if you looked up narcissist in the dictionary, you'd find him there.

Young male orthopedic surgeon acquaintance - I only run into him at friend's parties, and cringe at how he treats his wife. This is not someone I want to get to know any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boys who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

Hi tiger / snow plow mom! PP must have hit a nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that physicians in the lower earning bracket (pediatricians, family practice) are more likely to on average be decent human beings than physicians at the high end of the earning scale, and I think it's a personality thing. The high end is more likely to be occupied with Type A arseholes, than the bottom.

In my personal circle:

Female relative who is a pediatrician - divorced, husband was interested in someone he met at work and wanted out. Personality wise, she is very casual/laid back/not at all what you think of as a go-getter

Female friend married to a physician she met during residency - Met during residency, have been together over 20 years, still going strong. They are both really nice people that have not changed despite being somewhat sought after in their respective fields

Female friend married to a surgeon - Divorced. She said that if you looked up narcissist in the dictionary, you'd find him there.

Young male orthopedic surgeon acquaintance - I only run into him at friend's parties, and cringe at how he treats his wife. This is not someone I want to get to know any better.

Can you elaborate on the last couple? How does he treat her? In my experience, young doctors are marrying fellow strivers; if not another MD, a lawyer or MBA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

Doctor’s wife here. It’s not just that they are working 60-70 hours a week, it’s that they are working 60-70 hours a week saving lives. Anytime you ask that your wants or needs come before their work, then you feel like such a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Their butts are kissed at work by phony salesmen and saleswomen and that whole scheming orbit. Their male physician colleagues and hospital brass are all closet chauvinists who think nurses and anyone under them are prole trash. Doesn’t take long for that etho to turn meek dorky young doctors into psychopaths.

Health care saleswomen will sleep with doctors if the guy’s a whale and salesmen organize trips and nights out to booze and cheat on their wives.

Dorky men who aren’t used to getting laid become as faithful as their options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s best friend from college is a very successful medical device sales executive. He sometimes brings his male doctor “friends” to dinner at our country club and these married docs get drunk and start bragging about cheating on their wives. Imagine the incel nerds you grew up with who never got laid in high school or college suddenly acting like they’re Lotharios in their late 30s and 40s. It is so pathetic.

[Anonymous]

The non-doctor spouse is usually the default parent. Helps to have a very flexible job because their's won't be. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.

If you are both working those hours, it’s doubtful there is much childcare left to split.

Children are not trophies.

We consider these hours mild and spend lots of time with our kids every day. Again, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Trips for conferences, training, and sales pitches are opportunities to cheat.