What’s it like being married to a medical doctor (MD)?

[Anonymous]

I have three siblings who are doctors and two of them married doctors.

I would recommend avoiding dating doctors. I mean if I met one I really liked and he asked me out, I would say yes, but I certainly wouldn't seek out doctors to date.

I liked my siblings much more before they became doctors. They all tend towards the arrogant and unsympathetic and entitled and self centered side. I think medical training dulls one's synmpathies - there are even studies showing doctors' brains light up less than others' brain when shown someone in pain or told a sad story. Also, i think they tend to be arrogant because they are in settings where a lot of people treat them like gods. And they never have to worry about being unemployed - a lot of them just don't get that most people have to hustle to build careers. They often look down on people who aren't successful. And they seem to think a lot of tasks are beneath them. And they are often logistical disasters and expect other people around them to compensate for that.

In short, they tend not to be very nice people.

And some of them make a ton but many of them make in the 180-300 range - which is a very good salary, but lots of professions make around that. It's not like you are totally hitting the financial jack pot when marrying all doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating. Hospitals have no boundaries and MDs have god complexes.

This is true. When my uncle was married 25 years ago, there was an event for doctors wives. The presenter said look to your left and right. One of those people will not be married to their doc spouse in 15-20 years. No one thought it would be them. My uncle left his wife for another hospital employee. Pretty common knowledge. Even in my 20s, I would not date doctors.

Umm, that’s basically the divorce rate for all Americans. And this was for doctors wives?? What about doctor husbands??? Even 25yr ago, a large portion of physicians were female. This story does not ring true. And if it’s true, the speaker sounds comically bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s like most prestigious professions- people tend to be very extreme. The people are either amazing, kind, etc., or complete and total jerks. As a lawyer I feel this way about other lawyers. They either dazzle me or make me want to leave the room.

Most extremely ambitious and competitive people don’t make good partners. Rare to find the combo of top of their game plus wise and kind.

[Anonymous]

The idea that they are cheaters is idiotic. My parents were doctors and I grew up around doctors. Divorces happen not because of cheating but because the doctor is super-busy and super-focused on work, with the result that the doctor does not have a lot of bandwidth left for the marriage.

As a person who has had two major surgeries, though, I'll say that surgeons who are obsessed with their work to the exclusion of everything else was a good thing as far as I was concerned at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boys who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties, because they grew up thinking that is beneath them and unworthy of their mindshare. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies and act like they don’t know how to do simple tasks (because their mommy always did it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three siblings who are doctors and two of them married doctors.

I would recommend avoiding dating doctors. I mean if I met one I really liked and he asked me out, I would say yes, but I certainly wouldn't seek out doctors to date.

I liked my siblings much more before they became doctors. They all tend towards the arrogant and unsympathetic and entitled and self centered side. I think medical training dulls one's synmpathies - there are even studies showing doctors' brains light up less than others' brain when shown someone in pain or told a sad story. Also, i think they tend to be arrogant because they are in settings where a lot of people treat them like gods. And they never have to worry about being unemployed - a lot of them just don't get that most people have to hustle to build careers. They often look down on people who aren't successful. And they seem to think a lot of tasks are beneath them. And they are often logistical disasters and expect other people around them to compensate for that.

In short, they tend not to be very nice people.

And some of them make a ton but many of them make in the 180-300 range - which is a very good salary, but lots of professions make around that. It's not like you are totally hitting the financial jack pot when marrying all doctors.

They are also notoriously terrible with money because they feel so entitled.

[Anonymous]

Seems like all you PP’s are thinking it’s still 1950 and physicians are all men. I personally know mainly female physicians. What do you think of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously on paper an MD is a serious catch. Educated, fairly high to very high income (surgeons), community status and professional network. Any noteworthy looming issues or are MD wives generally a very satisfied cohort?

One of my former coworkers was in a prestigious surgery fellowship. His wife had supported him throughout medical school and residency and raising their 3 children. He got a PA pregnant, dumped his wife and she got to enjoy the high salary and SAHM lifestyle.

NP here. I wonder if my husband was in that same fellowship. I remember a guy getting a PA pregnant and dumping his wife.

DH is a specialized surgeon and now earns $1m+. He is a good guy, loyal husband and devoted father. Of course we know some cheaters. Most of the cheaters we know are not physicians. There are the high drama ones but I would not say this is the norm. The physicians we know don’t have god complexes. Maybe it is because Dh is their peer but they seem like everyday normal people to us.

To answer OP’s question, I live a very comfortable life. I’m currently not working but plan to return. I am the default parent and have always been. Dh won’t cancel a full day of seeing patients to pick up our kid from school because he has a slight fever. He has never taken a sick day. He has missed one day of work and that was for a funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously on paper an MD is a serious catch. Educated, fairly high to very high income (surgeons), community status and professional network. Any noteworthy looming issues or are MD wives generally a very satisfied cohort?

One of my former coworkers was in a prestigious surgery fellowship. His wife had supported him throughout medical school and residency and raising their 3 children. He got a PA pregnant, dumped his wife and she got to enjoy the high salary and SAHM lifestyle.

I don’t think one anomaly is some broad pattern. My first boss out of college was a married 40-something multi-millionaire financier and knocked up his 25 year old assistant. I don’t run around condemning all rich men in that industry.

Yes the ones at the top of the food chain in that industry are exactly like your boss. In fact he may have been an underachiever, most average 3 wives.

[Anonymous]

All wealthy men with dependent spouses have the ability (and propensity) to cheat. There is a power imbalance. Whenever you find a power imbalance you find cheaters and cheat-ees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating. Hospitals have no boundaries and MDs have god complexes.

Cite?

Ex-DH’s di*k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s like most prestigious professions- people tend to be very extreme. The people are either amazing, kind, etc., or complete and total jerks. As a lawyer I feel this way about other lawyers. They either dazzle me or make me want to leave the room.

Most extremely ambitious and competitive people don’t make good partners. Rare to find the combo of top of their game plus wise and kind.

I know a lot of really kind, lovely doctors and lawyers- most of them are women though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like all you PP’s are thinking it’s still 1950 and physicians are all men. I personally know mainly female physicians. What do you think of them?

??? I am the poster with three siblings and two inlaws who are doctors. Some are men, some are women. My comments aren't gendered and apply to both females and males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea that they are cheaters is idiotic. My parents were doctors and I grew up around doctors. Divorces happen not because of cheating but because the doctor is super-busy and super-focused on work, with the result that the doctor does not have a lot of bandwidth left for the marriage.

As a person who has had two major surgeries, though, I'll say that surgeons who are obsessed with their work to the exclusion of everything else was a good thing as far as I was concerned at the time.

Our old neighbors were two married 50-something doctors. They were functional drunks who divorced when the youngest kid finished high school. Wife moved away. Then the husband’s 40-something Asian MD colleague was a frequent guest at the home. Outside of the new girlfriend being a younger but not abnormally younger colleague, just seemed like a normal aging couple who divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friend is married to a surgeon. He's the most self-centered man I've ever met.

Yep. Neurotic, insufferable and awkward. They disregard properly cultivating their personalities because they were so focused on becoming doctors for 15 years. Many of them are mollycoddled momma’s boy who had a snow plow tiger mom doing everything for them until they were married. They in turn expect their wife to take over all of those duties. Grown *ss men who act like adult babies.

If a guy routinely works 60-70 hour weeks, his wife ought to take care of everything else, nitwit. That wife knew what the deal was when she married him.

I don't understand this. Both my wife and I work 60-80hrs/week each. When not working, we split childcare and house work.