Girlfriends who married last landed successful but unattractive men. Do these marriages last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is you are vastly overstating their "pretty" looks.

Not necessarily. You’ve never heard of a successful younger guy “out-kicking his coverage”? His money and prestige job can land a more attractive women. Not necessarily a bombshell 9 or 10, but a cute 7 or 8 with her own career instead of a total plain Jane.

[Anonymous]

Dorky schmuck + cute wife is the standard Beltway striver marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one in my group who married late as is my husband among his college and grad school friends. That may make me biased, but I do know a few people who truly seemed to settle. I was genuinely worried about one woman I know through my husband. She is vibrant, funny, and outgoing. She loves travel, adventure, and is an excellent cook. She married a short l, bald guy with a big gut who dresses like the sale rack at a late 90s JC Penney. He’s a picky eater and his preferred vacation is to go to the same beach with his mom in tow every single year. I was screaming internally at their wedding “why is no one stopping this????”
Jokes on me. They seem extremely happy. They have 2 kids and the pandemic seemed to really draw them together and solidify everything. She’s bought him more stylish and flattering clothes and he’s come out of his shell somewhat.

I can’t say as much for my friends that married young when they were beautiful and carefree. Different people have different breaking points, but many couples we know seem to have grown apart under the stress of the more senior, responsibility laden jobs they hold in their 40s, raising kids, maintaining a house and yard. Maybe they will find a way to rekindle their relationship once they are empty nesters in their late 40s, something I won’t have until I’m nearly 60. But for the friends we’ve watched divorce, a common theme seems to be that the person who was their soul mate when they could backpack around Thailand or go to happy hour 3 nights a week is not the person they want to change diapers with, talk about window replacement with, or do any of the other mundane parts of life that pile up over the years.

Putting aside the idea that people who marry late are damaged goods or settling just to have kids, I think it’s possible that what looks like settling may also be maturity and knowing what is actually important to them.

This reminds me of such a physically beautiful couple I know. Before they married, they seemed so in sync, but now it seems they both struggle with the mundanity of married life. At least their kids will be gorgeous.

Tom and Gisele?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Jeff Bezos was not a prince charming either when he go married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Jeff Bezos was not a prince charming either when he go married.

Jeff and MacKenzie were both Princeton alum investment bankers. Aside from Jeff being a little older, they seemed to be a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is you are vastly overstating their "pretty" looks.

Women are absolutely horrible in being realistic on how their friends look

This whole “yaaas queen” is poison

Men are way more realistic on what their friends’ look like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

A surgeon? You better watch out OP. I know an attractive, personable, prominent in his field MD who just dumped his 7-years younger wife for his 30-years younger lab assistant.

You better take care of EVERYTHING with your household yourself OP. Your surgeon husband has earned his way out of taking kids to soccer practice and attending dance recitals and sitting through Thanksgiving dinner with your boring family. Oh, and you better take care of everything while working out a TON and keeping up your looks no matter what. Either that or hold down a job that can support you when he dumps you for not being hot enough (b/c job over Pilates & tennis).

PS—and consult with your first choice divorce attorneys now so that he can’t preemptively meet with them and conflict them out of representing you.

[Anonymous]

I married last out of my high school group of friends (at age almost 29) and I dare say my DH is the most attractive of all our husbands, especially some 28 years later. Very dashing and still fit as a 58 year old (unlike the other husbands). Plus he still has his hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married last out of my high school group of friends (at age almost 29) and I dare say my DH is the most attractive of all our husbands, especially some 28 years later. Very dashing and still fit as a 58 year old (unlike the other husbands). Plus he still has his hair.

Also forgot to say both of us make more than the others in my group, both wives and husbands, who all married younger (24-25). Just to address one of OP's points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married last out of my high school group of friends (at age almost 29) and I dare say my DH is the most attractive of all our husbands, especially some 28 years later. Very dashing and still fit as a 58 year old (unlike the other husbands). Plus he still has his hair.

Are you adjusting for ses?

Did you jump up in ses from your high school area/friend group?

That’s not a fair comparison if you are from flyover country but due to grades/or whatever you made it to markedly better schools and or jobs in tier 1 cities while your friends stayed home.

I think op means people of similar “opportunities”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

How old are you now OP? Usually around 50 is when the surgeons leave their wives for a younger model so if you're telling the truth, good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married last out of my high school group of friends (at age almost 29) and I dare say my DH is the most attractive of all our husbands, especially some 28 years later. Very dashing and still fit as a 58 year old (unlike the other husbands). Plus he still has his hair.

Are you adjusting for ses?

Did you jump up in ses from your high school area/friend group?

That’s not a fair comparison if you are from flyover country but due to grades/or whatever you made it to markedly better schools and or jobs in tier 1 cities while your friends stayed home.

I think op means people of similar “opportunities”

Best friend from HS is an architect. Another is accountant. Another is a SAHM because DH makes plenty.

But stop changing the goal posts. OP never said this was a question just for east coasters from elite schools. What a weird take.

[Anonymous]

NP. The posters who shout "myob!" or "not a good look!" are so annoying. This is an anonymous board, so she's not IN anyone's business, and no one can SEE her look bad. This is the perfect place to discuss shallow idle thoughts, and if you're too high and mighty for that, then just move on to the next thread.

[Anonymous]

Read Pride and Prejudice. The one who marries the vicar—people marry for different reasons and compromise is in the eye of the beholder. There are many kinds of marriages.

[Anonymous]

What exactly do women mean when they throw the word “wimpy” around?