Girlfriends who married last landed successful but unattractive men. Do these marriages last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot rich 30-something SINGLE men are basically unicorns. And if you find one he’s probably juggling a handful of 25 year olds.

+1. I swear people don’t understand what top 1% salary actually means. Or even top 5%. 95% of men fall short of that. Tall odds to meet a man generating that income, plus maybe come from family money — at a time when you and he are both single and there’s are least some attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one in my group who married late as is my husband among his college and grad school friends. That may make me biased, but I do know a few people who truly seemed to settle. I was genuinely worried about one woman I know through my husband. She is vibrant, funny, and outgoing. She loves travel, adventure, and is an excellent cook. She married a short l, bald guy with a big gut who dresses like the sale rack at a late 90s JC Penney. He’s a picky eater and his preferred vacation is to go to the same beach with his mom in tow every single year. I was screaming internally at their wedding “why is no one stopping this????”
Jokes on me. They seem extremely happy. They have 2 kids and the pandemic seemed to really draw them together and solidify everything. She’s bought him more stylish and flattering clothes and he’s come out of his shell somewhat.

I can’t say as much for my friends that married young when they were beautiful and carefree. Different people have different breaking points, but many couples we know seem to have grown apart under the stress of the more senior, responsibility laden jobs they hold in their 40s, raising kids, maintaining a house and yard. Maybe they will find a way to rekindle their relationship once they are empty nesters in their late 40s, something I won’t have until I’m nearly 60. But for the friends we’ve watched divorce, a common theme seems to be that the person who was their soul mate when they could backpack around Thailand or go to happy hour 3 nights a week is not the person they want to change diapers with, talk about window replacement with, or do any of the other mundane parts of life that pile up over the years.

Putting aside the idea that people who marry late are damaged goods or settling just to have kids, I think it’s possible that what looks like settling may also be maturity and knowing what is actually important to them.

This reminds me of such a physically beautiful couple I know. Before they married, they seemed so in sync, but now it seems they both struggle with the mundanity of married life. At least their kids will be gorgeous.

Tom and Gisele?

Basically every celebrity marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hot rich 30-something SINGLE men are basically unicorns. And if you find one he’s probably juggling a handful of 25 year olds.

+1. I swear people don’t understand what top 1% salary actually means. Or even top 5%. 95% of men fall short of that. Tall odds to meet a man generating that income, plus maybe come from family money — at a time when you and he are both single and there’s are least some attraction.

Add mentally stable to the checklist and the pool gets even smaller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is you are vastly overstating their "pretty" looks.

Meh.

See Kristen Welker, Tina Fey, etc.

My guess is the older a successful pretty woman is, the less tolerant she is to BS. Character and lifestyle matter more than it would have when they were younger.

They'd compromise on looks before anything else. This is actually very wise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

What does "married last" mean in this context? If OP is some brunch granny acolyte, she could be 35 years old and acting as if her friends marrying at 30, 31 or 32 was "late" and a cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Way to define the value of the lives of all the women you know by then men they partnered with.

Very 21st century, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

How old are you now OP? Usually around 50 is when the surgeons leave their wives for a younger model so if you're telling the truth, good luck with that.

You are a jealous woman big time aren't you? (Man here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Way to define the value of the lives of all the women you know by then men they partnered with.

Very 21st century, OP.

Why are you surprised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Way to define the value of the lives of all the women you know by then men they partnered with.

Very 21st century, OP.

Perfectly normal to notice changes in the types of men lifelong friends' date, how they interact with the men they married, nonverbal cues, and marital complaints they share to draw conclusions and inferences. And when girlfriend V is missing, girlfriends W X Y Z might *clutch the pearls* harmlessly gossip about V and V's husband and share concerns about the marriage's longevity.

[Anonymous]

Not surprising. Some of the women marrying late have spent significant time without a partner. They value the traits found in a stable man willing to commit and isn't interested in straying. Maybe boring and settling to some, but a solid investment in a husband and parenting partner to others.

[Anonymous]

I have seen this with my friends but I think it’s a good thing! Most of them were single because, frankly, they were too picky about the wrong things.

One friend in particular comes to mind. She usually date smoking hot, really fit, shallow guys who didn’t want to commit in our 20s and early 30s but eventually married women like ten years younger. Her fiancé loves her so much, is funny, insanely supportive of her big career, and makes great money himself. They are super happy and I am super happy for her!