Girlfriends who married last landed successful but unattractive men. Do these marriages last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have some shallow friends, OP.

It’s OP who is shallow. She doesn’t realize these guys will be much hotter in ten years as your friends’ looks are declining rapidly.

[Anonymous]

why would they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Who knows? At least lower odds of such men cheating on their wives, less issues due to financial problems so marriages are more likely to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else have this going on in their friend group? Not a shallow trophy wife situation but two my successful and pretty girlfriends who married last amongst our friend group married men they seemed to settle for. On paper the men are successful but appearance and personality wise, it never seemed like a true match or their type. When we're all together you don't sense genuine passion for their spouse. Before marriage, one of them complained about their sex life, but after he proposed, she never brought it up again. The other complained her then fiancé was such a dork, as in wimpy and boring, not in a cute endearing way. As married DINKs, they honestly seem to enjoy their house, luxury SUV, and status more than their husband. Knock on wood I don't yet have any divorces in this friend group but I wonder if it is this predictable that these two will likely be the so-called starter marriages that fail?

Who knows? At least lower odds of such men cheating on their wives.

absolutely false re: cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

My goodness, OP, it's really not a good look to be judging so, so, so hard. You were an Early Smug Married, life is great, good for you. Let others live their lives.

[Anonymous]

MYOB?

[Anonymous]

Very common amongst DC strivers. Less attractive men grind in school and set themselves up for highly-compensated careers to attract and marry a cute striver wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor little OP is jealous that her friends are married and she's not. She thinks she's holding out for the successful hottie while her friends settled and she's going to be the one that's 47 and single and visiting sperm banks and getting IVF to have a kid on her own.

We all have friends like you, OP.

There is zero jealousy. My husband is a surgeon, we met in college and married at 26. All of my closest friends are now happily married to fairly to very successful men. It’s just the most recent two (and the last two) to marry seem like odd pairings. Less attractive, a bit dorkier and wimpier, and in contrast to men they dated prior. But their husbands do check all of the status boxes on paper and I know they make great money.

My goodness, OP, it's really not a good look to be judging so, so, so hard. You were an Early Smug Married, life is great, good for you. Let others live their lives.

srsly btch, let a girl live. what do you want from people? either marry a surgeon at 26 or move to a cave and brew poisoned mushroom stew for unsuspecting travelers?

[Anonymous]

Yes, these marriages do usually last because they are based on criteria other than looks.

[Anonymous]

Hot rich 30-something SINGLE men are basically unicorns. And if you find one he’s probably juggling a handful of 25 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I feel sad that I don’t have a big group of girlfriends from college or whatever that I spend time with. Then I see a post like this and I feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the one in my group who married late as is my husband among his college and grad school friends. That may make me biased, but I do know a few people who truly seemed to settle. I was genuinely worried about one woman I know through my husband. She is vibrant, funny, and outgoing. She loves travel, adventure, and is an excellent cook. She married a short l, bald guy with a big gut who dresses like the sale rack at a late 90s JC Penney. He’s a picky eater and his preferred vacation is to go to the same beach with his mom in tow every single year. I was screaming internally at their wedding “why is no one stopping this????”
Jokes on me. They seem extremely happy. They have 2 kids and the pandemic seemed to really draw them together and solidify everything. She’s bought him more stylish and flattering clothes and he’s come out of his shell somewhat.

I can’t say as much for my friends that married young when they were beautiful and carefree. Different people have different breaking points, but many couples we know seem to have grown apart under the stress of the more senior, responsibility laden jobs they hold in their 40s, raising kids, maintaining a house and yard. Maybe they will find a way to rekindle their relationship once they are empty nesters in their late 40s, something I won’t have until I’m nearly 60. But for the friends we’ve watched divorce, a common theme seems to be that the person who was their soul mate when they could backpack around Thailand or go to happy hour 3 nights a week is not the person they want to change diapers with, talk about window replacement with, or do any of the other mundane parts of life that pile up over the years.

Putting aside the idea that people who marry late are damaged goods or settling just to have kids, I think it’s possible that what looks like settling may also be maturity and knowing what is actually important to them.

This reminds me of such a physically beautiful couple I know. Before they married, they seemed so in sync, but now it seems they both struggle with the mundanity of married life. At least their kids will be gorgeous.

[Anonymous]

My guess is you are vastly overstating their "pretty" looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel sad that I don’t have a big group of girlfriends from college or whatever that I spend time with. Then I see a post like this and I feel better.

Your friends and family gossip and pick up on patterns and relationship nuances. It’s not mean spirited, it’s human nature.