Child leaving for college in five days - pain is gut wrenching

[Anonymous]

The fact that you are feeling this pain means that you love your child. It is healthy and normal. Don't listen to people who could not wait to get rid of their child. These were the parents who were alwayz negligent.

As a mom. you have to be brave and keep a happy face. Remember that your kid will also feel nervous and home sick. Your kid may need a lot of emotional support in the beginning of college but later on they settle in. My own kid went 30 minutes away to UMD and stayed in the dorm. They kept coming home every weekend for the first few months. And my kids are pretty social and popular and half their class from hs also went to UMD. I can imagine if these kids go far away that it is difficult for everyone. However, it is a good stress. It is a positive kind of stress.

I hope your DD gets a good roommate.

[Anonymous]

Don’t fear sadness as it often sits right next to love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids leaving the nest is a painful reminder of the passage of time. But it is a privilege to be able to move through these stages and into a new chapter for both of you. Just try not to burden your child too much with your feelings.

I know you mean well, but I don't think OP is burdening her child with her emotions. In fact, she is keeping it together but feeling pretty sad inside.

It is very normal, OP. But, you feel better after a month or so. I kept busy and started a yoga class after my DD left for college.

As a mom, your work is not yet done. The college years has it own kind of challenges and your kid needs you to be strong so that you can help her. Keep her focused on her classes, grades, clubs and internships etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My emotions are all over the place right now. In fact, this is the most emotionally unstable I’ve ever been. I’m excited for my daughter to start her new adventure, but I am deeply and profoundly sad that her childhood and my days of raising a child are ending.
For those of you who have already gone through this, any words of advice on how to cope?

Go ahead and feel your feels, but NOT in front of your daughter. Do not pass along that anxiety as she is living her best life. You hopefully gave her roots, so she could grow wings and fly: now let her fly!

[Anonymous]

I was sad for a couple days. You're still her parents. New adventures for both of you. I planned a week away after my son left.

[Anonymous]

NP. Man, what a group of miserable people who must hate their kids here. This thread is a mess.

OP, it will be hard and it’s okay to be really sad. Ignore the nasty responses here. They don’t have good relationships with their kids and lash out at people who do.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am very relieved to open this thread and discover that OP's child does not have wildly uncontrolled "gut wrenching pain". I thought it was going to be about a child with a medical condition who was supposed to be going to college.

OP, it is a gift that your child can take this step. I have one child who is leaving in 10 days and a younger who may never live fully independently. I will miss my oldest, and am excited and worried, but the alternative to him leaving is him staying, and that is so much worse.

Take some time to get use to the change, and try to find new directions and interests for yourself. It will be ok.

[Anonymous]

I’m a guy too, & hope you ladies don’t hold the idiotic words of Mr. Smallone against all men. I too felt like crap when we returned to a deathly quiet house after dropping the last one off at college. But their joy when they succeed completely fills the void.

[Anonymous]

The helicopter parenting is done. Will be time to let the kid grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a guy too, & hope you ladies don’t hold the idiotic words of Mr. Smallone against all men. I too felt like crap when we returned to a deathly quiet house after dropping the last one off at college. But their joy when they succeed completely fills the void.

DP and a woman, and thank you for being a sane voice. This thread was getting derailed badly by a couple of PPs.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Maybe foster or adopt a child.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the whole thread but if someone else hasn’t already suggested it - maybe it’s a good time to get a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great that your relationship is so close that this is hard. Also, my mom went through the kind of pain you’re describing when I went to college. She suffered from life-long, sometimes debilitating depression and my leaving was incredibly difficult for her. We were very close.

I knew she was sad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until my dad told me, years later after we lost her to cancer when I was in my 30s, that she would lie down on my bed and cry because she missed me so much.

And this is key— I didn’t know HOW hard it was for her because she didn’t want me to worry or regret going away to school. It was such a gift that she didn’t put that burden on me, and I’ll always be grateful to her.

You had a great mom. I am sorry you lost her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My emotions are all over the place right now. In fact, this is the most emotionally unstable I’ve ever been. I’m excited for my daughter to start her new adventure, but I am deeply and profoundly sad that her childhood and my days of raising a child are ending.
For those of you who have already gone through this, any words of advice on how to cope?

All the parents I know were a little shocked by how painful it was to drop our kids off.

The best thing is just to do fun things and be gentle to yourself while you adjust to passing out of a beautiful stage of life and into another.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the previous 8 pages of God knows what, but I was in your place this time last year. I was very sad for a few weeks. It took some time to get used to. But, we had talks a couple of times a week and they told me all the new people they met and the interesting classes they were taking. I was so proud of how they were growing and they didn't seem so far away anymore. They came home for Thanksgiving, then a month for Christmas and then all summer. They are going back next week, and I will miss them. But I now understand that they will always be part of my life whether here 24/7 or a month or two a year. It is an adjustment, but think of it as a gift that you raised a child that can go out into the world.