Child leaving for college in five days - pain is gut wrenching

[Anonymous]

forgot the DCUM rules of the road only mention “ivy” when you can shamelessly humblebrag “how your kids are friends with all walks of life at xxxx ivy” or “how TO doesn’t make sense for the ivies” or Sidwell etc’s succes rate at xxx ivy. Nothing negative can be said about an ivy, and a sobbing MAGA man’s kid in attendance is a big time negative in DCUM land..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

I saw a tweed jacket wearing guy with Bernie Sanders stickers on his 25 year old Subaru, drop his kid off at an Ivy and quite firmly gave a 20 second handshake, said good luck boy and left without shedding a single tear.

I can make up stories at drop-off as well.

[Anonymous]

I sobbed my entire flight back to Florida, from NY, when I left my oldest child at college. Though I was sad, I did not experience the same grief when I left my 2nd child, who was equally as far away. In retrospect, it was the unknown huge change from what had been our family for the prior 18 years. I guess I recognized with the second that the change wasn't the end of the world. But to this day, I've only experienced that profound sadness two other times, and both for family death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sobbed my entire flight back to Florida, from NY, when I left my oldest child at college. Though I was sad, I did not experience the same grief when I left my 2nd child, who was equally as far away. In retrospect, it was the unknown huge change from what had been our family for the prior 18 years. I guess I recognized with the second that the change wasn't the end of the world. But to this day, I've only experienced that profound sadness two other times, and both for family death.

I’m dropping my firstborn off next weekend and get this. My husband has made comments about how this changes the family. My two sons are extremely, extremely close so I’m more worried about my rising high school Junior being sad. Today they were off working out together again after goofing off all morning. Oldest was his driver to HS. The older one will be busy with new experiences, so it hits different for those left behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

Well- Ivies (unless Fall sport athletes) don’t drop off for another week—so there’s that. Classes start after Labor Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My emotions are all over the place right now. In fact, this is the most emotionally unstable I’ve ever been. I’m excited for my daughter to start her new adventure, but I am deeply and profoundly sad that her childhood and my days of raising a child are ending.
For those of you who have already gone through this, any words of advice on how to cope?

I doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went though this last year w/ oldest kid. It was so incredibly sad as the kid packed his stuff in a corner of the garage each day leading up to the drive up for freshman year. Looking at each duffel bag and crate made my grief well up more.

The day of the move in, I was fine. My wife was the opposite. Chill in the days leading up and almost a wreck when he hugged her goodbye in the dorm room.[b]

So we each processed differently. The month after move-in, the house was quiet. Every item in the grocery store that the kid loved would remind me that he is a few hours away.

But by October/Fall break/parents weekend, we had a rhythm. Now a full house is a joy over holidays.

Now what happens when the younger and last one leaves...when empty nesting comes.

We need a whole new board here for that discussion

Oh god that’s going to be next week

Everyone is commenting how well I’m handling it. I think it’s denial until “the moment”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

I saw a tweed jacket wearing guy with Bernie Sanders stickers on his 25 year old Subaru, drop his kid off at an Ivy and quite firmly gave a 20 second handshake, said good luck boy and left without shedding a single tear.

I can make up stories at drop-off as well.

i saw that guy too - the Bernie sticker was next to the “Test Optional Works” sticker..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got through it by remembering how many families go through this transition, which made it feel not quite so profound. The old quote, that we are unique... just like everybody else.

Same. I literally look at everyone over 50 in stores, on streets, as I drive down roads and look at houses. And say, they probably went through the same thing.

Not in my neighborhood. Many over 50s haven’t hit empty nest yet. 54 and dropping off first next week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

Why the need to insert “ivy” before dropoff?

You really should tone that down.

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 5 days. Is OP under observation now? Is rest of family coping?

It’s 1 year plus 5 days, given how long ago this thread was started.

And yet this is a universal issue for most parents. My only child is about to start 12th grade. I have anticipatory grief about the transitions already at play and I’m profoundly grateful.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

I saw a tweed jacket wearing guy with Bernie Sanders stickers on his 25 year old Subaru, drop his kid off at an Ivy and quite firmly gave a 20 second handshake, said good luck boy and left without shedding a single tear.

I can make up stories at drop-off as well.

i saw that guy too - the Bernie sticker was next to the “Test Optional Works” sticker..

Why are you dropping off so early?? And most Ivies are not test optional, even when they were 85% admitted, submitted.

Ivy classes start after Labor Day and move-ins next week so you are both FOS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sobbed my entire flight back to Florida, from NY, when I left my oldest child at college. Though I was sad, I did not experience the same grief when I left my 2nd child, who was equally as far away. In retrospect, it was the unknown huge change from what had been our family for the prior 18 years. I guess I recognized with the second that the change wasn't the end of the world. But to this day, I've only experienced that profound sadness two other times, and both for family death.

I’m dropping my firstborn off next weekend and get this. My husband has made comments about how this changes the family. My two sons are extremely, extremely close so I’m more worried about my rising high school Junior being sad. Today they were off working out together again after goofing off all morning. Oldest was his driver to HS. The older one will be busy with new experiences, so it hits different for those left behind.

The hitting diffrrent is so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got through it by remembering how many families go through this transition, which made it feel not quite so profound. The old quote, that we are unique... just like everybody else.

Same. I literally look at everyone over 50 in stores, on streets, as I drive down roads and look at houses. And say, they probably went through the same thing.

Not in my neighborhood. Many over 50s haven’t hit empty nest yet. 54 and dropping off first next week

I was 61!

(And too old to be carrying boxes up the stairs, with no AC—believe me 😅)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:during this ivy drop off we saw what appeared to be a single dad dropping off oldest daughter (two younger in tow). Big bearded burly guy with NRA and MAGA stickers on his pickup. He was sobbing uncontrollably as he said his goodbyes. Everyone experiences this loss, not gender or class based - we all feel it..

I saw a tweed jacket wearing guy with Bernie Sanders stickers on his 25 year old Subaru, drop his kid off at an Ivy and quite firmly gave a 20 second handshake, said good luck boy and left without shedding a single tear.

I can make up stories at drop-off as well.

i saw that guy too - the Bernie sticker was next to the “Test Optional Works” sticker..

Why are you dropping off so early?? And most Ivies are not test optional, even when they were 85% admitted, submitted.

Ivy classes start after Labor Day and move-ins next week so you are both FOS.

we are mega donors we get early move in privileges - think the MAGA pickup driver was too