Forum Index
»
College and University Discussion
Child leaving for college in five days - pain is gut wrenching
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Hugs OP. Change can be hard. |
Anonymous
Does she even have a kid? |
Anonymous
| Think about how happy your DD is. And think how wonderful it is you have a child who is doing so well she got into college. And who is happy. Practice gratitude for all that and that should help. |
Anonymous
|
Parent of college sophomore here.
Did this last year. You do find yourself quietly playing the highlight reel of their upbringing. It is the closing of a chapter. You have to let them go. Tell your child to go have an adventure. Don't let them see you cry, cry later when they have gone. It's okay to cry. People who don't cry, well, I wonder if they're human. You are transitioning from your child being a child to be an adult. You are moving into an adult to adult relationship. All will be well. It is a new chapter of your own life opening up. It's exciting yet feels empty at the same time. There is one less person at the dinner table. Other moms don't understand it until they have to do it. They can call you a drama queen until it's their turn. You're doing fine. Your child will be fine. The next four months will be the hardest. Then it will become the norm. You raised a child to adulthood. It's bittersweet at first, but you have to let them fly. It will all be well. Congratulations! |
Anonymous
+1 Parent of a recent college grad here and we're close. To the OP, this PP is right. Own your feelings to yourself, talk to your DH about it, even tell your DD you'll miss her, but don't break down, get distraught, talk about your feelings much etc. Let her focus on what's ahead and not feel bad for leaving a teary mom behind. Several folks are advising you to stay busy once she's gone and that's the way to go. If you are driving her to college with her stuff and dropping her off: Rip off that Band-Aid, get her there and do whatever setup SHE wants you to do, and leave. If it's a bit of a drive, plan to make a fun stop on the way home, see a tourist site or something like that. As soon as you get back home, have things already plannned--outings, projects, seeing your own friends. Make specific, concrete plans in advance, before you leave to take DC to college (or before DC leaves, if she's driving herself or flying). That way, you have specific things to look forward to. If you just say, "I'll wait until I get back home and then I'll make some plans," you might end up moping and procrastinating. I might even plan a weekend away with DH the first weekend DC is at college. When our DC went to college, I started volunteering at a place that had long interested me, and then I picked up freelance work I'd been meaning to start for a while. And to be honest, with DH working from home, he and I got closer than ever while DC was in college. Look at the up side, OP. And make plans. |
Anonymous
|
I think it’s great that your relationship is so close that this is hard. Also, my mom went through the kind of pain you’re describing when I went to college. She suffered from life-long, sometimes debilitating depression and my leaving was incredibly difficult for her. We were very close.
I knew she was sad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until my dad told me, years later after we lost her to cancer when I was in my 30s, that she would lie down on my bed and cry because she missed me so much. And this is key— I didn’t know HOW hard it was for her because she didn’t want me to worry or regret going away to school. It was such a gift that she didn’t put that burden on me, and I’ll always be grateful to her. |
Anonymous
Oof, no, please do not go visit in a few weeks! That's for later, not for freshman year any time before Thanksgiving, I think. Of course if a kid has special circumstances (is anxious, or asks for a visit specifically, etc.), maybe visit if asked. But otherwise? Nope. Please don't. The student needs to have those weekends, especially the first semester, to get into the rhythm of what campus life is like. And I say that as a parent who visited our DC a lot over the four years she was at college. We went for certain events in which she was participating and to which she invited us, but we also were sure to bug out quickly after events so she could go be with her friends. |
Anonymous
| Hmm, I posted above about staying busy with specific activities. Now I'm wondering as others did earlier in the thread, is dad in the picture here, OP? Are you so distraught because you're doing this solo? |
Anonymous
Another don't do this. For many, feeling is not mutual. |
Anonymous
Isn't this typically when parent's weekend is? It was for me. |
Anonymous
|
My close friend is bringing her daughter to college next week and having a really hard time. I’m sorry this is so hard for you.
My mother talks about how she sat in my bedrooms and cried for days. I had no idea as a self absorbed teen. We are closer now, as adults than we ever were when I was a kid IMO. This is a new phase of life but your relationship will be there forever. |
Anonymous
Depending on the college, many students start in August (and freshmen often start a week earlier than everyone else, for orientation), and parents' weekend --at least at our DC's college -- wasn't until October. Parents' weekend is fine, but I think folks here, including me, just think it's ill-advised to visit a kid "in a few weeks" after dropoff. Parents' weekend is more than a "few" weekends after freshmen start, unless maybe some schools have it mid-September...? BTW, to the OP, if you go to parents' weekend, just schedule when you'll see your DC; please don't expect your DC to go around with you the entire weekend. Don't assume your DC has nothing else going on that weekend because other student activities do continue. Plan some other things to do in the area to make a fun trip of it for you and your DH, entirely separate from the college, your kid or parents' weekend activities. |
Anonymous
Yeah, kids don't think you are as cool as you think you are. |
Anonymous
| Kids leaving the nest is a painful reminder of the passage of time. But it is a privilege to be able to move through these stages and into a new chapter for both of you. Just try not to burden your child too much with your feelings. |
Anonymous
^ this same reason people used to cry at weddings |