Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything on that list is fine except for no +1s which is just cheap and doesn’t honor the friends of the couple. It can be awkward to go alone. Also not every single person *will* bring a +1 (if they have a group of friends coming, then they may feel fine going on their own).

I’m surprised so many posters hate the no+1. If you were single and invited to a wedding with a +1, you would just bring a random person? And expect that person to sit around while you socialize with the people that you know at the wedding?

I think no+1 is rude for married guests, those who have been in long-term relationships, or those who are couples that the bride and groom are friends with. But I don’t think the B&G should have to pay for single friends to bring someone along for the hell of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the hate for no kids weddings on this site. All etiquette experts say no kid weddings are absolutely fine, while many of the other items are faux pas.

I’m 45 and have been to a lot of weddings, and I think only two ever invited kids. Every other wedding I’ve attended is no kids.

I understand that sometimes people can’t attend a wedding if it’s no kids, because they don’t have childcare in a different city. No judgment if you can’t attend. DH and I have done some trade off weddings where only one of us attended because getting childcare was too much drama. It’s fine. We’ve also flown in family to watch the kids while we’ve gone out of town for weddings. And we’ve also used the hotel arranged babysitter for some weddings. All of these are fine options.

But for people who are like unilaterally writing off no kids weddings…. I feel sorry for them. They often refuse to separate from their kids, have never had a babysitter, or are highly anxious. It’s one thing to decline a no kid wedding because you’re unable to make it work (or you’re not close enough to the couple to put a ton of effort into making it work). But it’s another thing to refuse to make it work.

I always bring our kids to family weddings and close friends weddings - they are well behaved and the families love seeing them.

[Anonymous]

Agree that cash bar weddings are worse than dry weddings. Dry weddings are dry for a variety of reasons, but almost never because of cheapness IMO. I don't mind a dry wedding for a couple who doesnt drink for religious or cultural reasons, or for a couple where one half is an alcoholic, etc. But a cash bar wedding??? No. If you invite people to a party, you do not charge them for their food and drink when they arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything on that list is fine except for no +1s which is just cheap and doesn’t honor the friends of the couple. It can be awkward to go alone. Also not every single person *will* bring a +1 (if they have a group of friends coming, then they may feel fine going on their own).

I’m surprised so many posters hate the no+1. If you were single and invited to a wedding with a +1, you would just bring a random person? And expect that person to sit around while you socialize with the people that you know at the wedding?

I think no+1 is rude for married guests, those who have been in long-term relationships, or those who are couples that the bride and groom are friends with. But I don’t think the B&G should have to pay for single friends to bring someone along for the hell of it.

You would probably bring a male friend. Also, you might have a boyfriend by the time the wedding rolls around in 4 months. Agree that it's rude to not allow a guest to bring a +1 to a formal event with dancing.

[Anonymous]

I would likely decline no kids and destination weddings given my financial situation but I don’t think anything in this list is offensive. Unless someone gets mad I (or someone who didn’t like one of the options) declined. Then I’d be offended.

[Anonymous]

Weddings where couple does not actually get married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything on that list is fine except for no +1s which is just cheap and doesn’t honor the friends of the couple. It can be awkward to go alone. Also not every single person *will* bring a +1 (if they have a group of friends coming, then they may feel fine going on their own).

I’m surprised so many posters hate the no+1. If you were single and invited to a wedding with a +1, you would just bring a random person? And expect that person to sit around while you socialize with the people that you know at the wedding?

I think no+1 is rude for married guests, those who have been in long-term relationships, or those who are couples that the bride and groom are friends with. But I don’t think the B&G should have to pay for single friends to bring someone along for the hell of it.

If I was not in a relationship, I wouldn't bring a date to a wedding, even if I was allowed to. Just because you are allowed to bring a date, doesn't mean you are required to.

[Anonymous]

Cash bar is by far the worst. I'm not keen on a dry wedding, but I would assume the couple has a religious or personal reason for not wanting alcohol, so I can respect that. But having a bar that people have to pay for their own drinks is tacky AF.

I went to a wedding once that had an open bar for beer and wine but cash bar for liquor. I found that a bit cringy but at least they provided an option.

[Anonymous]

Worst by a mile: No open bar weddings IF I can reword it to "cash bar only". That's truly the worst.

Remaining, from bad:
- No +1 weddings (I was guilty of this for my 20-something cousins, and it was a mistake)
- Destination weddings

To meh, don't really care:
- No-kids wedding
- Dry wedding
- Weddings of couples who ask for cash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the hate for no kids weddings on this site. All etiquette experts say no kid weddings are absolutely fine, while many of the other items are faux pas.

I’m 45 and have been to a lot of weddings, and I think only two ever invited kids. Every other wedding I’ve attended is no kids.

I understand that sometimes people can’t attend a wedding if it’s no kids, because they don’t have childcare in a different city. No judgment if you can’t attend. DH and I have done some trade off weddings where only one of us attended because getting childcare was too much drama. It’s fine. We’ve also flown in family to watch the kids while we’ve gone out of town for weddings. And we’ve also used the hotel arranged babysitter for some weddings. All of these are fine options.

But for people who are like unilaterally writing off no kids weddings…. I feel sorry for them. They often refuse to separate from their kids, have never had a babysitter, or are highly anxious. It’s one thing to decline a no kid wedding because you’re unable to make it work (or you’re not close enough to the couple to put a ton of effort into making it work). But it’s another thing to refuse to make it work.

My best friend had a no-kids wedding at a spa hotel in the wine country. My husband had died the year before and friend was apologetic about it to me and said she'd make an exception. I appreciated her concern and willingness to accommodate but there was no way I'd miss it so made arrangements to attend childfree. My aunt and MIL happily took care of my young kids and I went and had a great time at the prewedding event the night before in a wine cave at a vineyard, drinking a wee bit too much at the reception, and dancing with all the grooms' gorgeous friends who were on his rugby team. There's no way I would have enjoyed myself as much had I been chasing my toddler around. The same year we went to my BIL's wedding which the whole family attended and it was lovely and a completely different experience.

Different strokes and all that.

[Anonymous]

Cash bar
Dry
No +1
Cash presents


I dont mind no kid weddings.

I love destination weddings. We had one because so many people would need to travel anyway, it made things more fair for everyone to travel. We had a strong positive rsvp response bc our friends and family aren’t DCUM curmudgeons and/or aren’t poor.

[Anonymous]

Awful:
Cash bar
No +1
Dry wedding (when there is a full dinner and dancing and whatnot)
Running out of food/alcohol
Smashing cake in bride/groom’s face
More than three speeches at the reception
Instructions for guest attire beyond a basic dress code (“wear purple”, etc) — unless you are getting married on October 29, 30, or 31 and having a local wedding; then costumes or otherwise festive attire is acceptable

Inconvenient:
No kids
Destination wedding

Tolerable:
Dry wedding (Religious or cake-and-punch reception)
Beer/Wine bar

Tacky:
Asking for cash or cash disguised as something else (this includes the dollar dance)
Ballgowns and veils on age 40+ brides
More than three attendants
Bachelor/ette weekends
White (and veils) on divorcees or brides who have children
Registries for second weddings (bride or groom)
“Weddings” where no one actually gets married (thanks PP)
DJs
Garter tosses
Announcing or celebrating something unrelated during someone else’s wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awful:
Cash bar
No +1
Dry wedding (when there is a full dinner and dancing and whatnot)
Running out of food/alcohol
Smashing cake in bride/groom’s face
More than three speeches at the reception
Instructions for guest attire beyond a basic dress code (“wear purple”, etc) — unless you are getting married on October 29, 30, or 31 and having a local wedding; then costumes or otherwise festive attire is acceptable

Inconvenient:
No kids
Destination wedding

Tolerable:
Dry wedding (Religious or cake-and-punch reception)
Beer/Wine bar

Tacky:
Asking for cash or cash disguised as something else (this includes the dollar dance)
Ballgowns and veils on age 40+ brides
More than three attendants
Bachelor/ette weekends
White (and veils) on divorcees or brides who have children
Registries for second weddings (bride or groom)
“Weddings” where no one actually gets married (thanks PP)
DJs
Garter tosses
Announcing or celebrating something unrelated during someone else’s wedding

God forbid a group of friends goes on a trip. Someone on DCUM thinks this is tacky!! You sound miserable.

[Anonymous]

Destination weddings with no +1s—-particularly if it’s an international location and/or you have to take 2+ modes of transportation to get to the destination

[Anonymous]

I’m honestly shocked by the number of people who say they “can’t get through” a dry wedding.