Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

They don't want your baby there. It might make noise and ruin their ceremony.

This. And yes it is unreasonable to ask. Do you not think your sibling knows you have a baby?

Why would her sibling even invite her to the wedding if she knows about the baby?
She’s not under any obligation to invite anyone. So why invite a sibling with a baby who might ruin the ceremony?

Because maybe she would leave baby with sitter or in-laws. She has the option to decline. Sibling won’t care either way. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did read all the comments, but you can just say something like "I know you said child free, but wondering if there is an exception for your neices and nephews." We also had a child free wedding but made an exception for my 10 year old cousin, who would have been the only cousin left out due to age.

Don’t ask this. If you were an exception they would have told you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

[Anonymous]

If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did read all the comments, but you can just say something like "I know you said child free, but wondering if there is an exception for your neices and nephews." We also had a child free wedding but made an exception for my 10 year old cousin, who would have been the only cousin left out due to age.

Don’t ask this. If you were an exception they would have told you.

Disagree. I think with siblings you can ask and I'm generally anti kids at weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did read all the comments, but you can just say something like "I know you said child free, but wondering if there is an exception for your neices and nephews." We also had a child free wedding but made an exception for my 10 year old cousin, who would have been the only cousin left out due to age.

Don’t ask this. If you were an exception they would have told you.

Disagree. I think with siblings you can ask and I'm generally anti kids at weddings.

OP can ask her parents.

[Anonymous]

My niece has a new born. She is the maid of honor in her sister's no kid wedding.

She and her husband and infant and husbands Dad and Step Mom are flying to California for the wedding. Neice and husband are going to the wedding. The husband's Dad and Step Mom are staying in the hotel to watch the infant.

My nieces two boys (6 and 4) are staying home and being watched by the Dad's Mom and Step Dad.

I find the no children (particularly of immediate family) weddings to be very sad.

Now weddings are all about the instagram. It used to be weddings were about the vows, the family, and the community.

[Anonymous]

Don’t ask for an exception, but share your reason. “I cannot attend without my child who I am still nursing.”

People who do not have children or who are 10+ years away from having a nursing infant do not understand. I know plenty of people who willingly and even gladly left their infant under 12mo for a long weekend or even 7-10 days. Just because some other people do it, doesn’t mean you can or should. I am far from being a breastfeeding absolutist, but I did not leave either of my children overnight until they weaned around 18mo. I am very sensitive to hormonal shifts and the side effects were not worth it to me until I was ready to wean for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t ask for an exception, but share your reason. “I cannot attend without my child who I am still nursing.”

People who do not have children or who are 10+ years away from having a nursing infant do not understand. I know plenty of people who willingly and even gladly left their infant under 12mo for a long weekend or even 7-10 days. Just because some other people do it, doesn’t mean you can or should. I am far from being a breastfeeding absolutist, but I did not leave either of my children overnight until they weaned around 18mo. I am very sensitive to hormonal shifts and the side effects were not worth it to me until I was ready to wean for good.

I know people who regularly leave their small kids for couple weekends away, but claim they do not, when it is convenient for them to claim so.

That said, maybe your phrasing will allow the bride to consider. Do remember it is the bride and groom's day.

[Anonymous]

Etiquette is that if your child starts misbehaving and screaming the parent and child step outside of the venue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling is having a weekday, outdoor, daytime, destination wedding and I was just informed that children under 18 are not invited. I thought I may have a special exception since my toddler ages kids are her nieces and nephews, but I’m now expected not to bring them. My sibling is totally clueless about childcare logistics and separation anxiety, so doesn’t realize what a burden this is. How can I politely ask if my kids can attend either the ceremony or reception?

The way you've written this, it sounds kinda like you asked for an exception/clarification but were again told no? Can you clarify how you were informed and if you've already asked anyone (sibling, parents) about your own kids?

Personally, I'd plan to leave Dh behind with the kids unless it was a destination we'd all enjoy and we had extra time to spend there.

If the latter was true, I would ask my sibling about the nursing infant scenario - but only if it's truly what would be best for me and the baby, and not because I was trying to prove a point or get an exception.

I was a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding when my DD was about 9 months, and my ILs came to watch her (relatively short drive, we paid their hotel). I did have to make time to pump, but otherwise it was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

Honestly, it won’t go over awesome if the OP just doesn’t go to her sibling’s wedding.

Why can’t the sibling just take the blame and not invite the siblings with kids?

[Anonymous]

I don't do kid-free destination weddings. No hard feelings - people can have the wedding they want and I'll still send a nice gift.

Happy to leave kids with spouse or a sitter for a local wedding, but not spending money on airfare or hotel to go solo, or for the whole family to fly in and then wait at the hotel. Maybe if I had an unlimited travel budget and PTO, but I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette is that if your child starts misbehaving and screaming the parent and child step outside of the venue.

No, etiquette is that if you are told no kids you don't bring kids.