Jonah Hill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the people in here saying good for him for knowing his boundaries when two of these boundaries were that she wasn’t allowed to surf with men and wasn’t even allowed to do more than say “hello” to men that weren’t on a list he preapproved. That is not just a boundary, that is deep, deep unhealthy need for total control over your partner. How is that a normal boundary???????

I don't actually think he is saying she can't surf with men at all. We don't see the context for this post and his issue seems to be more poor boundaries and inappropriate friendships. He also never says she can't say more than hello to men or that he has an approved list of who she can speak to.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’ve read all the texts.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think they are abusive in of themselves. But they are definitely extremely gross and creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a head case control freak.

+1

If they had been married for a while I'd have a different opinion. But for ppl dating just a couple of months it's too intense to be sending texts like that. Get a decade of marriage under your belt +kids and then you can get pissy and paranoid about those kinds of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’ve read all the texts.

This. I only read a couple at first and thought he sounded lame and insecure but not too bad. But if you read them all he comes across as a complete controlling nut.

Leaving aside “but is it abuse?!?” it’s ridiculous to drop in her DMs to compliment the hot surfing pics of a pro surfer/model, and then demand she delete all of them, stop surfing in a bathing suit, stop talking to any men, stop modeling, stop hanging out with her wild friends, etc etc. He states these things very calmly and in therapy-speak but it’s so manipulative. These are not his “boundaries” (they’re about her and her body) but his demands, and it’s weird.

But he’s made no secret of his insecurities and neuroses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That there are two women on the planet who said yes to this guy is astounding in itself.

His family is $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’ve read all the texts.

I did and he doesn’t say either of those things. And many of the texts she has posted of his are cropped out of the conversation. We have no idea what was said before or after, so the context of the texts is unknown. if she wanted to actually make a point she needed to include her texts from before and after his texts. The actual conversations not just specific individual texts with no context.

I have no idea what he is like but there is really nothing I can take from a few texts selected and cropped out of conversation by an ex that make me think anything about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’ve read all the texts.

This. I only read a couple at first and thought he sounded lame and insecure but not too bad. But if you read them all he comes across as a complete controlling nut.

Leaving aside “but is it abuse?!?” it’s ridiculous to drop in her DMs to compliment the hot surfing pics of a pro surfer/model, and then demand she delete all of them, stop surfing in a bathing suit, stop talking to any men, stop modeling, stop hanging out with her wild friends, etc etc. He states these things very calmly and in therapy-speak but it’s so manipulative. These are not his “boundaries” (they’re about her and her body) but his demands, and it’s weird.

But he’s made no secret of his insecurities and neuroses.

+100 It’s the language of someone who is controlling and abusive. I’m not suggesting that he hit her. What I am suggesting is that he was attempting to control her and how she used her body. Not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the whole text story would tell a fuller picture. He refers to "boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men", "friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild, recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful", and a couple other comments where he refers to her lack of awareness in social siutations and she says she isn't socially intelligent etc.

She has very selectively chosen texts from him and curated her own to tell the story she wants to tell. I know nothing about him, don't think I have ever seen a movie of his, and only vaguely know of him but if this is the worst texts she has from their relationship, then I am team Jonah

This was my first reaction. I think the texts are creepy but also found some of the language in them odd and noticed they were very carefully cut in certain cases so you couldn’t see the whole conversation. So probably more was going on and some context was left out.

[Anonymous]

Given she has bipolar type 1, if she had hypomania or mania during the relationship, she may have been very disinhibited and overly sexual with others.

We don’t know. I could probably find texts on just about anyone’s phone that when taken out of context could make them sound controlling or emotionally abusive.

[Anonymous]

The texts read as if he's new to therapy and only interested in setting his own boundaries... as opposed to thinking about what is realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I think people in this thread are glossing over is that social media engagement is effectively her job/a major part of her job. Following his rules would be akin to asking her to quit her job and become financially dependent on him after only a few months of dating. Which is creepy and weird.

I still think she should never have released these, but his “boundaries” (not boundaries at all, rules for her life) were not reasonable.

Yes, this. Boundaries are something you won't do, not something that you won't let other people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m admittedly a Jonah Hill fan, but I seriously don’t get it.

Everything I read was basically just a calm and respectful statement of his “boundaries” in a relationship. Not something I personally would be cool with, but this idea that it was somehow “abusive” is crazy. The ex was free to decide any time if they were a good match or not.

We routinely defend women for having preferences—whether it’s wealth, height, certain type of career, liking or not liking certain hobbies or activities, drinker or non-drinker, etc. And if some MRA incel gets mad about that (surely because he doesn’t fit the criteria), he’s rightly condemned. Women don’t have to give a guy a chance if he’s a short, fat, unemployed pothead who plays video games all day.

JH doesn’t want a girlfriend who poses publicly in bikinis, or frolics in the ocean with other guys. So what? I suspect there are many people, men and women, who would feel uncomfortable with that in their partner.

Then he shouldn’t have started dating a surfer.

It sounds like he came to that realization, doesn't it? And acted accordingly.

[Anonymous]

He’s a fake feminist control freak. If he wanted her to essentially give up what is/was her career, he needed to marry her. Of course he wasn’t going to ever do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing I think people in this thread are glossing over is that social media engagement is effectively her job/a major part of her job. Following his rules would be akin to asking her to quit her job and become financially dependent on him after only a few months of dating. Which is creepy and weird.

I still think she should never have released these, but his “boundaries” (not boundaries at all, rules for her life) were not reasonable.

So that means that you shouldn't date Jonah Hill. But he isn't wrong for laying out what he wants in a mate. It's really not that unusual for a rich man to want his spouse to quit her work and be available for him full-time, and many women are happy with that lifestyle. Not my jam, but also not my role to criticize other people's choices.

It would be better for him to find someone who doesn't have a lot going on in their life, then, not someone who is successful in their own right. Women aren't butterflies, to be caught and pinned to a board. Some men are really gross in their attitudes towards women.