“Contradicting” husband in public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a mediocre, privileged white man. And let me guess, he's overweight and his mama's favorite. So gross.

And let me guess? You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody else have a husband who reacts very aggressively if you “contradict” him in public? Mine is throwing in my face two instances where I spoke while he was interacting with a service person. 1) barmaid was bringing him a drink; I mentioned she seemed to be in the middle of pulling drinks for others at that moment and she said nope she was okay getting his; this was “humiliating.” 2) leaving a performance he mentioned to the bartender he had to pay a bill from something he ordered at intermission. I was confused bc I hadn’t known he ordered anything so I asked what was going on & why he was stopping. This too was a “humiliation.” I was yelled at for it last night and now it’s the first thing he wanted to talk about this morning.

There appears to be possible contempt on both sides here. Marriage counselors typically say that -contempt- means a marriage is unfixable.

Everyone has contempt with their partner on something. You have to be able to overlook and focus on something else about them instead.

[Anonymous]

Contradicting husband or wife in public is hurtful. Don't do it yourself or don't reciprocate if your spouse does it to you. Keep it civil and polite there.

Discuss it at home when both are relaxed and wow to each other to not do it in future and to find better ways to object to things you don't mutually agree with.

Having respectful ways to deal with conflicts and disagreements is the mist valuable asset of a couple. You can learn it and perfect it.

[Anonymous]

his reactions seem to stem from a long pattern of this type of interaction with you, so "humiliating" is probably thee wrong term to use here.

you do seem like (1) you are a control freak and (2) that you likely emasculate him often - knowingly of unknowingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alcohol access is the common thread here. He has some tension about it.

+1

This, OP, this. You mention these two examples and of course the hilarious comics here on DCUM decide to focus on "barmaid" rather than on the actual interactions. Surely there are other examples. If so, ask yourself: How many of these "humiliations" he claims he's enduring are related to alcohol in some way? Sounds like maybe he feels you draw attention to his purchases of alcohol in ways he thinks belittle him. The fact any grown man might feel like that is pretty telling: He wants to buy his drinks and not have it mentioned or highlighted. Might need to think about how much of this is not about micromanagement or humiliation but about his not wanting you to note how much or when he drinks.

+2 I said this on page 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody else have a husband who reacts very aggressively if you “contradict” him in public? Mine is throwing in my face two instances where I spoke while he was interacting with a service person. 1) barmaid was bringing him a drink; I mentioned she seemed to be in the middle of pulling drinks for others at that moment and she said nope she was okay getting his; this was “humiliating.” 2) leaving a performance he mentioned to the bartender he had to pay a bill from something he ordered at intermission. I was confused bc I hadn’t known he ordered anything so I asked what was going on & why he was stopping. This too was a “humiliation.” I was yelled at for it last night and now it’s the first thing he wanted to talk about this morning.

There appears to be possible contempt on both sides here. Marriage counselors typically say that -contempt- means a marriage is unfixable.

Everyone has contempt with their partner on something. You have to be able to overlook and focus on something else about them instead.

This is … untrue. Have you convinced yourself that it is?

Contempt in a relationship is not normal. Or sustainable. At all.

[Anonymous]

Are you always criticizing him and he snaps?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are his spouse, not his mother. Stop micromanaging his interactions with others. Neither of the cases you gave suggest any reason why you need to mother him and micromanage his interactions with either server. If the genders were reversed, you'd be accused of being chauvinistic and trying to control your spouse in public.

Learn to control your tendency to have to control his interactions and you both will be much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed if my SO tried to control my interactions like this, HOWEVER, I wouldn't be so irate. Sounds like it is a mix between this and his sensitivity about drinking.

From now on just let him make a fool of himself and seem rude. It is on him, not you. And watch his drinking.

Maybe. But I bet these two examples are just the tip of the iceberg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you always criticizing him and he snaps?

Actually he spends a huge amount of time giving notes to me, and also explaining the world to me as if I’m 3. Like last night he literally instructed me that fireworks typically end in a grande finale. Thanks Einstein.

[Anonymous]

We’ll sounds cute
like he is really into it.
think of the gal who will lean in and giggle to that

[Anonymous]

He will be smitten with that

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I am guess this man might enjoy a change in company.

[Anonymous]

- guessing -

[Anonymous]

You both sound obnoxious. Stop interrupting and commenting on things in public/in front of others like this. You are really annoying. He doesn’t sound like a very pleasant person either but you are the one in the wrong here. If you must comment just wait until the other person (barmaid 😂 or waiter or whoever) is gone and then ask/comment.