“Contradicting” husband in public

[Anonymous]

Anybody else have a husband who reacts very aggressively if you “contradict” him in public? Mine is throwing in my face two instances where I spoke while he was interacting with a service person. 1) barmaid was bringing him a drink; I mentioned she seemed to be in the middle of pulling drinks for others at that moment and she said nope she was okay getting his; this was “humiliating.” 2) leaving a performance he mentioned to the bartender he had to pay a bill from something he ordered at intermission. I was confused bc I hadn’t known he ordered anything so I asked what was going on & why he was stopping. This too was a “humiliation.” I was yelled at for it last night and now it’s the first thing he wanted to talk about this morning.

[Anonymous]

Why are you a control freak? You aren’t his mother.

[Anonymous]

He's hiding his drinking from you. Its not about contradicting.

[Anonymous]

Why are you interrupting these transactions? You sound completely annoying.

[Anonymous]

Read other timely threads on this

[Anonymous]

btw, good job seeing shows! sometimes we put pressure on ourselves in these settings

[Anonymous]

What is your tone/body language like when you're asking these questions?

First instance: why not let the barmaid (??) speak for herself? She'll speak up if she's too busy and will say she'll be with him in just a moment.

Honestly, just divorce. You don't seem terribly fond of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody else have a husband who reacts very aggressively if you “contradict” him in public? Mine is throwing in my face two instances where I spoke while he was interacting with a service person. 1) barmaid was bringing him a drink; I mentioned she seemed to be in the middle of pulling drinks for others at that moment and she said nope she was okay getting his; this was “humiliating.” 2) leaving a performance he mentioned to the bartender he had to pay a bill from something he ordered at intermission. I was confused bc I hadn’t known he ordered anything so I asked what was going on & why he was stopping. This too was a “humiliation.” I was yelled at for it last night and now it’s the first thing he wanted to talk about this morning.

1 is a weird interaction, but I would not describe it as humiliating for anyone other than the server, who had to witness this interaction between you. 2 sounds like he is concealing his drinking and being defensive about it.

Honestly, the biggest red flags here are "reacts very aggressively" "throwing in my face" and "yelled at for it." Are you a child, that your husband can terrorize you like that?

[Anonymous]

Answering the above, sometimes I feel like he takes an offensive tone or attitude towards service people and when that happens I do sometimes support the service person.

[Anonymous]

This is one that you may need to journal about. This how male brain views it:
I pay money
I see show.
I pay for food
Lady not happy
Lady not good

[Anonymous]

barmaid?!?!?!

Ugh

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. He tends to ruminate on things I say at parties, out to dinner etc if he thought they were critical. I often feel like he’s overreacting, but a lot of it I think goes back to self-esteem stuff that comes from his ahole father.

On my side, I work on being extra aware of not criticizing him in public or extending my own self-deprecating humor to him. Like I will happily tell a story for laughs where I play the “fool,” but if I put him in that role it really upsets him. If he does it to me it just doesn’t affect me that way.

On his side, he works on bringing it up to me in a productive and respectful way if he’s upset about something I said. There’s no excuse for yelling at someone.

[Anonymous]

Oh man

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should both stop drinking.

[Anonymous]

Every king needs a jester