Any Ivy graduates here? Ivy League graduate son in a funk, humuliated, & remains jobless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

Too many, I guess. But also, how many non-Ivy grads are minted each year and get great jobs? Millions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime.

This isn't the right attitude. It's important that he finds an entry-level career now, rather than wait around for something he considers worthy of an Ivy grad. The longer he waits, the harder it will be to find anything at all. If he got admitted to an Ivy--especially as a non-legacy--he clearly has the potential to impress his employer and work his way up, but he needs to start somewhere. In just a few years he can get to the point where his degree and connections can more meaningfully impact his career.

Your son's education certainly wasn't "wasted," but it probably will be if does nothing for the next two years before trying to enter the workforce.

This is good advice. It’s a long game and his education will serve him well but he needs to start working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime.

This isn't the right attitude. It's important that he finds an entry-level career now, rather than wait around for something he considers worthy of an Ivy grad. The longer he waits, the harder it will be to find anything at all. If he got admitted to an Ivy--especially as a non-legacy--he clearly has the potential to impress his employer and work his way up, but he needs to start somewhere. In just a few years he can get to the point where his degree and connections can more meaningfully impact his career.

Your son's education certainly wasn't "wasted," but it probably will be if does nothing for the next two years before trying to enter the workforce.

This is good advice. It’s a long game and his education will serve him well but he needs to start working.

+1 My company has a year-round internship program and the ones we hire for Fall/Spring are often students who just graduated. We always ask them what they have been doing since graduation and "nothing but job searching" is never a good answer if graduation was more than a couple months ago. Maybe you don't have a job but what kind of volunteer work are you doing, what is your personal project, etc.

He needs to set up an appointment today with his college's career services. It's their job to help him navigate this. But he may also need a therapist if taking action with them doesn't help him get out of his funk.

[Anonymous]

He should reach out to the school for help (career services). They can help him juice up his resume, give him ideas for internship opportunities or networking opportunities, and maybe even hook him up with a job at the school (schools like to employ recent grads to help their employment numbers).

If nothing else, he can probably be an unpaid research assistant for a former prof, which will give him something to put on his resume and a good reference.

[Anonymous]

Have him volunteer on a political campaign while searching for a role job or applying to grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

This kind of stupid attitude is how he ended up where he is.

No, pandemic-fueled depression and anxiety led to this.

Pandemic fueled depression and anxiety led to a less than stellar college career at his Ivy. Continuing to wallow/fixate on all the successful things his fellow grads are doing is causing his problem right now.

I was the one that posted that part of the problem is both his and his mother's fixation on the Ivy degree. He should 100% mine every resource he can as a result of attending his school, but even at an Ivy league school someone has to be at the bottom of the class. After our first finals in law school, when some people were convinced their careers were over before they started, our property professor told the story of "Old 65" - a guy who had barely graduated law school, but became a great litigator and respected member/leader in the local Bar association. A career is made over many years. It's not the first job out of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if he is an Ivy League he probably has good test scores and can teach for Kaplan or another test prep company. This is actually what I did right after graduating, while figuring it all out. It's a "island of misfits" of highly intelligent lost souls. I loved all my fellow teachers.

OMG - I am another HYPS grad who taught for a tutoring center once upon a time (well after graduation). I miss my fellow brilliant misfits!

[Anonymous]

We need to know his major! Definitely reach out to career services. They will ask but on his own he can begin thinking about where he wants to work ( types of companies/organizations), what he likes to do ( write, data analysis, build, etc), job titles he has heard of that sound cool.

Use alumni career services to do talk to people in those companies or doing those jobs. It’s called an informational interview.

Look in to Americorps, Peace Corps, etc. and do that for a year. He just needs to start!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, if he is an Ivy League he probably has good test scores and can teach for Kaplan or another test prep company. This is actually what I did right after graduating, while figuring it all out. It's a "island of misfits" of highly intelligent lost souls. I loved all my fellow teachers.

OMG - I am another HYPS grad who taught for a tutoring center once upon a time (well after graduation). I miss my fellow brilliant misfits!

+1 same - know a number of ppl who did this and it's a great complement to a volunteer gig. Political campaign is a great idea above for an unpaid opportunity.

[Anonymous]

He needs an internship

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your son is in a funk. Two thoughts for you:

Most (maybe all) of the Ivies have Alumni Career Mentoring. I'd suggest he sign up to have conversations with a few (better yet, several) alums who work in fields he has any interest in. Alums will also understand the predicament he's in --- his situation is not unique. If alums signed up to be an alumni career mentors, chances are they *enjoy* helping others from their school and will want to help connect him or advise him on some things he can be doing to build his resume and find a job. He doesn't need to fear any judgment from them; they are there to help! Also, he can continue to avail himself of the career center's resources as an alum. Many graduates don't realize that.

Second but much more important, from your description it sounds like your son might be suffering from depression. PLEASE help him find his way to a therapist and psychiatrist to see if he if he can get a diagnosis and treatment. If he is in a depressive funk, he's not equipped to find a job. Treating any mental health issues will put him in a place where he can start to think about his future and move forward. As a parent who has been there, it's LIFE CHANGING when they find a treatment plan that helps them. It may take patience, but please don't give up. Until this is addressed, dealing with jobs/career/future is going to limp along.

Wishing you the best as you navigate this with your son.

[Anonymous]

Ivy grad, diversity admission, fought with significant mental health issues throughout, had no safety net post graduation.

I worked a low paying job for the benefits and experience. Took me about five years to get it together but all has been well ever since. Adequate behavioral healthcare made all the difference.

I’ve hired a few early career professionals out of my alma mater over the years. Never looked at a GPA, cared more about the work ethic. Hired one person who had a sparkling resume with activities, leadership roles on campus - wasn’t a good worker, had to move her off my team.

[Anonymous]

Kid is in a blessed situation. Instead of going through pipelined recruiting he will enter the real world quickly and learn how to grind. Having your back against the wall forces you to either crumble or fight and come out wiser and stronger. Ideally the kid comes out with a job after heavy networking, job hunting, resume fixing and being creative in the process. Some great options posted on here. Peace corps, Kaplan, Teach for America and even OCS in the military make sense to me. Religious missions as well if that fits the bill. All of these would enhance a profile for a MBA or other Masters down the line. You can always grind right into corporate America but the options above are legitimate as well. From the brief description of the problem I think OCS would be a great option. Ivy to OCS and military service to b-school is probably the most potent combo i have seen on LinkedIn. The GPA gets negated somewhat after 3 4 years of service. The kid already has the wiring to get a massive score on GMAT and LSAT etc. And will gain the discipline, leadership, teamwork in the military that seems to be lacking. He will also have a lifetime reward of having served.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid is in a blessed situation. Instead of going through pipelined recruiting he will enter the real world quickly and learn how to grind. Having your back against the wall forces you to either crumble or fight and come out wiser and stronger. Ideally the kid comes out with a job after heavy networking, job hunting, resume fixing and being creative in the process. Some great options posted on here. Peace corps, Kaplan, Teach for America and even OCS in the military make sense to me. Religious missions as well if that fits the bill. All of these would enhance a profile for a MBA or other Masters down the line. You can always grind right into corporate America but the options above are legitimate as well. From the brief description of the problem I think OCS would be a great option. Ivy to OCS and military service to b-school is probably the most potent combo i have seen on LinkedIn. The GPA gets negated somewhat after 3 4 years of service. The kid already has the wiring to get a massive score on GMAT and LSAT etc. And will gain the discipline, leadership, teamwork in the military that seems to be lacking. He will also have a lifetime reward of having served.

What's the timeline for OCS? I'm assuming it's not rolling admissions with OCS classes beginning throughout the year. And it's competitive, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him volunteer on a political campaign while searching for a role job or applying to grad school.

If he is interested in politics or policy at all, this is a good suggestion, if he is willing to work hard. They won’t care about GPA, and it can often lead to a full time job if the candidate is elected and your son makes a good impression. I know quite a few successful people who got their start this way.