Who is the jerk in this situation?

[Anonymous]

OP is upset because her friend called out her judginess.

[Anonymous]

Megan. Lily was simply mirroring Megan's passive-aggressive comment.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I'm Lilly in this case and I had an event at my house a few nights ago. After giving away most of the uneaten catering to the servers, staff, and taking few trays to the local fire station, the rest was in my fridge and freezer. My household staff took home what they wanted the day after the event. At this point, 3 days later, we were trying to corral the rest of the (Liquidy, sauce heavy) trays of food into the trash to toss.

That's when Megan dropped by. I told her I just needed to finish one thing. It was about 5 mins more of gathering up trash which is when she made the comment.

I don't disagree that it's wasteful to throw away food but short of inviting strangers off the street to come in and eat it, I was out of things to do with this food that was quickly going bad.

My local shelter won't take food that's already prepared which is why I took some of it to the fire station for the workers there who appreciated it.

Yes, I can understand that she grew up in a poor village but I guess my snippyness was more of an exasperated "What do you want me to do?".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both (if they were serious) and neither (if they were both joking).

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I'm Lilly in this case and I had an event at my house a few nights ago. After giving away most of the uneaten catering to the servers, staff, and taking few trays to the local fire station, the rest was in my fridge and freezer. My household staff took home what they wanted the day after the event. At this point, 3 days later, we were trying to corral the rest of the (Liquidy, sauce heavy) trays of food into the trash to toss.

That's when Megan dropped by. I told her I just needed to finish one thing. It was about 5 mins more of gathering up trash which is when she made the comment.

I don't disagree that it's wasteful to throw away food but short of inviting strangers off the street to come in and eat it, I was out of things to do with this food that was quickly going bad.

My local shelter won't take food that's already prepared which is why I took some of it to the fire station for the workers there who appreciated it.

Yes, I can understand that she grew up in a poor village but I guess my snippyness was more of an exasperated "What do you want me to do?".

Why are you making your housekeeper do it?
Does Megan drop by unannounced? If it is infrequent it is really rude to say I have to finish one thing. If she's annoying and you didn't invite her you should turn her away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I'm Lilly in this case and I had an event at my house a few nights ago. After giving away most of the uneaten catering to the servers, staff, and taking few trays to the local fire station, the rest was in my fridge and freezer. My household staff took home what they wanted the day after the event. At this point, 3 days later, we were trying to corral the rest of the (Liquidy, sauce heavy) trays of food into the trash to toss.

That's when Megan dropped by. I told her I just needed to finish one thing. It was about 5 mins more of gathering up trash which is when she made the comment.

I don't disagree that it's wasteful to throw away food but short of inviting strangers off the street to come in and eat it, I was out of things to do with this food that was quickly going bad.

My local shelter won't take food that's already prepared which is why I took some of it to the fire station for the workers there who appreciated it.

Yes, I can understand that she grew up in a poor village but I guess my snippyness was more of an exasperated "What do you want me to do?".

Why are you making your housekeeper do it?
Does Megan drop by unannounced? If it is infrequent it is really rude to say I have to finish one thing. If she's annoying and you didn't invite her you should turn her away.

I really can't make heads or tails of this comment. You're wondering why I had my housekeeper do a housekeeping task. And at the same time, you're saying I'm rude for making Megan wait while I finish helping the housekeeper??? But also, I should turn her away... because that's not rude?

- Yes, she comes by unannounced sometimes, maybe 2-3 times a week.
-I was helping the housekeeper to remove the large trays and get them in the trash bag without spilling- like I said, liquidy sauces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I'm Lilly in this case and I had an event at my house a few nights ago. After giving away most of the uneaten catering to the servers, staff, and taking few trays to the local fire station, the rest was in my fridge and freezer. My household staff took home what they wanted the day after the event. At this point, 3 days later, we were trying to corral the rest of the (Liquidy, sauce heavy) trays of food into the trash to toss.

That's when Megan dropped by. I told her I just needed to finish one thing. It was about 5 mins more of gathering up trash which is when she made the comment.

I don't disagree that it's wasteful to throw away food but short of inviting strangers off the street to come in and eat it, I was out of things to do with this food that was quickly going bad.

My local shelter won't take food that's already prepared which is why I took some of it to the fire station for the workers there who appreciated it.

Yes, I can understand that she grew up in a poor village but I guess my snippyness was more of an exasperated "What do you want me to do?".

For some reason,
I’m reading it that Megan grew up in a poor village outside the us? If so, I would have cut her some slack. It’s hard to be a stranger in a strange land and some cultures are more direct than others.

[Anonymous]

Megan. A guest should never criticize in someone else’s home.

[Anonymous]

No one.

But Lilly needs to reduce her food waste!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one.

But Lilly needs to reduce her food waste!

I read your update about this being a party. You should have mentioned this in your OP, because a one-off event with too much food is vastly different than daily waste.

All you needed to do is explain to your friend that this was extra party food and you had already given away as much as you could. Your friend's comment is not rude. My friends could say that and I would not be offended - I would explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one.

But Lilly needs to reduce her food waste!

I read your update about this being a party. You should have mentioned this in your OP, because a one-off event with too much food is vastly different than daily waste.

All you needed to do is explain to your friend that this was extra party food and you had already given away as much as you could. Your friend's comment is not rude. My friends could say that and I would not be offended - I would explain.

+1

OP, the comment bothered you because you feel defensive about throwing out all that food -- she called you out on it.

It would be different if she'd insulted your appearance or your spouse or your kids or something. But she made a true comment about something you know isn't great. You could have explained the situation ("I know, I hate it, but I've given away as much as I can and we still have stuff going bad in here") but instead you chose to snap back. That's about you, not her.

I don't think her comment was snippy, but your response was. She was giving you feedback, you chose to get defensive and angry about it. I personally think you owe her an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was Lilly cleaning out her fridge while a friend was over?

yes, this!

[Anonymous]

Megan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one.

But Lilly needs to reduce her food waste!

I read your update about this being a party. You should have mentioned this in your OP, because a one-off event with too much food is vastly different than daily waste.

All you needed to do is explain to your friend that this was extra party food and you had already given away as much as you could. Your friend's comment is not rude. My friends could say that and I would not be offended - I would explain.

Op again,

She knew there was a party and she also was aware of the other ways in which I have donated/given away this extra food. I was defensive, yes. But I was perturbed by her acting superior when she already knew what was going on. At that point, I just wanted to get the food out of my fridge before it went bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one.

But Lilly needs to reduce her food waste!

I read your update about this being a party. You should have mentioned this in your OP, because a one-off event with too much food is vastly different than daily waste.

All you needed to do is explain to your friend that this was extra party food and you had already given away as much as you could. Your friend's comment is not rude. My friends could say that and I would not be offended - I would explain.

+1

OP, the comment bothered you because you feel defensive about throwing out all that food -- she called you out on it.

It would be different if she'd insulted your appearance or your spouse or your kids or something. But she made a true comment about something you know isn't great. You could have explained the situation ("I know, I hate it, but I've given away as much as I can and we still have stuff going bad in here") but instead you chose to snap back. That's about you, not her.

I don't think her comment was snippy, but your response was. She was giving you feedback, you chose to get defensive and angry about it. I personally think you owe her an apology.

Completely non constructive feedback.