I think Telework is Killing my Marriage

[Anonymous]

I don't know why people are acting like OP's post is so strange. I think a lot of people feel this way. I WISH my husband would go back in the office. I have not had the house to myself in three years now. I used to work remotely just one day a week and I lived for that day - no hubby or kids - just me for a full 8 hours. Now I hear his phone calls all day and he also treats me as his "water cooler" talk person when I'm working, which is so distracting. I'm an introvert so this may be part of it, I feel like I'm never ever alone and never get to fully recharge.

[Anonymous]

I get it. If I didn’t have young kids I would not want to WFH more than 2x a week. I would prioritize seeing my colleagues in person because I would have every evening and weekend with my DH. But with two young kids, we barely have time to converse, so I enjoy our brief chats during lunch and coffee breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are acting like OP's post is so strange. I think a lot of people feel this way. I WISH my husband would go back in the office. I have not had the house to myself in three years now. I used to work remotely just one day a week and I lived for that day - no hubby or kids - just me for a full 8 hours. Now I hear his phone calls all day and he also treats me as his "water cooler" talk person when I'm working, which is so distracting. I'm an introvert so this may be part of it, I feel like I'm never ever alone and never get to fully recharge.

It’s pretty petty to begrudge you DH something you’ve had for years (even better, he has never had the house alone).

Close your door to your office, voila you’re alone. Don’t pretend you need an entire BUILDING to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

You should be more tolerant of your daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

Because I have to VPN in, do database work on production systems and have to present on video calls all day to clients? Shall I bring my 2nd monitor to the coffee shop and demand silence?

I’d say yea I'm pretty inflexible when it comes to being able to actually perform my job duties. I’m not sure why you all are so triggered I can’t go to a coffee shop or park when I have an office 10min from my house.

I’m in a few hours of video calls a day and they are spread throughout the day. Also, many of us have work that wouldn’t, while not classified, be appropriate for someone to hear and/or see on the screen. And, yes, some of it is material that ends up being reported on by major news outlets. So, not always so simple to just go to the library for four hours.

Yes I read the comment and laughed. I have to present on calls daily and it’s not so simple like I can pack all calls back to back from 8-12 and then take my laptop and use it over a public network.

I hear what the OP is saying and can’t understand why people are so freaked out she wants to go into the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are acting like OP's post is so strange. I think a lot of people feel this way. I WISH my husband would go back in the office. I have not had the house to myself in three years now. I used to work remotely just one day a week and I lived for that day - no hubby or kids - just me for a full 8 hours. Now I hear his phone calls all day and he also treats me as his "water cooler" talk person when I'm working, which is so distracting. I'm an introvert so this may be part of it, I feel like I'm never ever alone and never get to fully recharge.

People have a trigger for anyone who makes any mention of anything akin to negative regarding FT TW even if the comment had nothing to do with them in any way. It’s a tribal mentality where your opinion is somehow threatening to their argument that FT TW is what’s best for all people. Every thread is like this. They think if other people don’t vehemently disagree with any hours in the office it will undermine them. If you start to make positive comments with which they can not argue they’ll state “well no one is saying going in twice a week is the problem” even if the entire thread had been saying exactly that. They will attack your personality, tell you that you’re pathetic and have no friends, that you’re a jerk who hates your family, that you’re lazy and want to go to the office (which is counterintuitive).

Watch. Someone is bound to respond to this with some version of what I’ve listed above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are acting like OP's post is so strange. I think a lot of people feel this way. I WISH my husband would go back in the office. I have not had the house to myself in three years now. I used to work remotely just one day a week and I lived for that day - no hubby or kids - just me for a full 8 hours. Now I hear his phone calls all day and he also treats me as his "water cooler" talk person when I'm working, which is so distracting. I'm an introvert so this may be part of it, I feel like I'm never ever alone and never get to fully recharge.

It’s pretty petty to begrudge you DH something you’ve had for years (even better, he has never had the house alone).

Close your door to your office, voila you’re alone. Don’t pretend you need an entire BUILDING to be alone.

What do you people care? I think what the OP is saying is very reasonable and she’s great for making a change. It’s ok that some people want to go back to the office for various reasons. For all we know maybe her DH feels the same and they both will benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Congratulations for realizing this about yourself! Since you need your office space, make sure your employer continues to maintain a space for you. My employer just talked about getting rid of our offices since no one comes in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Congratulations for realizing this about yourself! Since you need your office space, make sure your employer continues to maintain a space for you. My employer just talked about getting rid of our offices since no one comes in.

My company new rules even though we have WFH and hybrid is first 90 days brand new employees must be in office five days a week. We don’t want people when full RTO happens unable to come back to office.

[Anonymous]

I get it!
I live for the 3 hours a week DH leaves the house to go to the office.
I’m gone much more than him, but really crave being home alone. Our house is small, I can hear him all day long and my space isn’t very private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have sex during lunch? I work from an office and dh is at home. The couple days month i wfh we have lunch and sex together and its lovely.

Sure, the key is that you only WFH on occasion. Massive difference.

NP. DH and I work from home full time. We have sex at lunch twice a week on average. It's a great perk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have sex during lunch? I work from an office and dh is at home. The couple days month i wfh we have lunch and sex together and its lovely.

Sure, the key is that you only WFH on occasion. Massive difference.

NP. DH and I work from home full time. We have sex at lunch twice a week on average. It's a great perk.

Good for you. Why does this matter to anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are acting like OP's post is so strange. I think a lot of people feel this way. I WISH my husband would go back in the office. I have not had the house to myself in three years now. I used to work remotely just one day a week and I lived for that day - no hubby or kids - just me for a full 8 hours. Now I hear his phone calls all day and he also treats me as his "water cooler" talk person when I'm working, which is so distracting. I'm an introvert so this may be part of it, I feel like I'm never ever alone and never get to fully recharge.

People have a trigger for anyone who makes any mention of anything akin to negative regarding FT TW even if the comment had nothing to do with them in any way. It’s a tribal mentality where your opinion is somehow threatening to their argument that FT TW is what’s best for all people. Every thread is like this. They think if other people don’t vehemently disagree with any hours in the office it will undermine them. If you start to make positive comments with which they can not argue they’ll state “well no one is saying going in twice a week is the problem” even if the entire thread had been saying exactly that. They will attack your personality, tell you that you’re pathetic and have no friends, that you’re a jerk who hates your family, that you’re lazy and want to go to the office (which is counterintuitive).

Watch. Someone is bound to respond to this with some version of what I’ve listed above.

Yes, indeed.

[Anonymous]

The bigger issue is that you can't be around DH for long indefinite amounts of time. As you said, what will you do when work is gone?

[Anonymous]

If you can go in, I’d try and see if that helps. Go from there.