I think Telework is Killing my Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH WFH full time and I WFH 1-2 days a week. I HATE him WFH so much. I'm never alone in my own house and our house is constantly echoing with conference calls. I'd give anything for him to go back to an office.

Why can’t he go to a closed room? Outside? Garage? Why don’t you work somewhere else 1-2 days a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both work from home full time and don’t feel like this at all. We’re so busy we often don’t see each other (work on different floors). Occasionally we’ll eat lunch together and maybe watch a show or go on a walk (or other things like a PP mentioned). But even in a smaller house I don’t feel annoyed with him. I would get to the heart of why you’re feeling this way. Is he interrupting you?

This.

We both work remotely and share an office. We chit chat here and there during the day but it's not overbearing at all. It's been like this for the last three years. Sometimes I go for a walk just to get air but it's not because I'm sick of him. The time we spend working isn't "together time" at all.

+1. Currently DH and I work on different floors: I don't hear or see him during the day. For about a year I had to work in our living area outside his office so there was slightly more noise, but we still barely saw each other. Sometimes I'd text him.

It's fine OP is going to the office now but that's not a long term solution to whatever is going on. She wont be able to work her retirement passion job forever: at some point they'll both be home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

Because I have to VPN in, do database work on production systems and have to present on video calls all day to clients? Shall I bring my 2nd monitor to the coffee shop and demand silence?

I’d say yea I'm pretty inflexible when it comes to being able to actually perform my job duties. I’m not sure why you all are so triggered I can’t go to a coffee shop or park when I have an office 10min from my house.

If you have an office 10 min away, no kids or other demands that make WFH important, what exactly is your problem? How far away is your DH office?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

This is a woman whose whole life is her job, no kids, and doesn’t really like her husband. It’s a hard lot, people like this get very rigid in their ways since the never need to accommodate anyone else. My spinster sis is exactly the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

This is a woman whose whole life is her job, no kids, and doesn’t really like her husband. It’s a hard lot, people like this get very rigid in their ways since the never need to accommodate anyone else. My spinster sis is exactly the same way.

We get it you hate childless women because you are jealous of them & regret your kids. Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

This is a woman whose whole life is her job, no kids, and doesn’t really like her husband. It’s a hard lot, people like this get very rigid in their ways since the never need to accommodate anyone else. My spinster sis is exactly the same way.

We get it you hate childless women because you are jealous of them & regret your kids. Next.

I’m totally jealous of being capable of such prioritizing my own wants, no matter how petty, like OP is capable of. It’s a life of luxury and she doesn’t even know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

This is a woman whose whole life is her job, no kids, and doesn’t really like her husband. It’s a hard lot, people like this get very rigid in their ways since the never need to accommodate anyone else. My spinster sis is exactly the same way.

We get it you hate childless women because you are jealous of them & regret your kids. Next.

I’m totally jealous of being capable of such prioritizing my own wants, no matter how petty, like OP is capable of. It’s a life of luxury and she doesn’t even know it.

Hopefully, nobody forced you to have kids.

[Anonymous]

My DW told me a couple months ago, "I'm not your water cooler." What she mean't is that when I'd come down for lunch or a coffee (she works in the kitchen, I work in the loft upstairs) I would just start chit chatting about random stuff going on at work, with colleagues, etc.

I have started to go into the office 2-3x a week and I think its better for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

This is a woman whose whole life is her job, no kids, and doesn’t really like her husband. It’s a hard lot, people like this get very rigid in their ways since the never need to accommodate anyone else. My spinster sis is exactly the same way.

We get it you hate childless women because you are jealous of them & regret your kids. Next.

I’m totally jealous of being capable of such prioritizing my own wants, no matter how petty, like OP is capable of. It’s a life of luxury and she doesn’t even know it.

Hopefully, nobody forced you to have kids.

I’m not on here posting how I wish they would leave for the day or it will end my marriage.

[Anonymous]

I get OP. Luckily DH started going into the office at least 2 days a week. I love him but I need a break.

I think going in a few days a week is all you need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

I don’t think people get what you’re saying. I have like 4-5 meetings per day. I can’t work from a coffee shop. You can go to an office so it’s not even applicable.

Anyway, my husband works a hybrid schedule and I’m home every day, but I am feeling depressed never leaving the house so I’ve started to go in every so often. Like a few times a month. No one is there, but it has helped my mood. He works nearby so we meet for lunch, and it feels like prepandemic normalcy. Not everyone likes the same thing. You have been home together and you’re annoyed but you haven’t been calling lawyers. It’s okay to realize this setup doesn’t work for you, and I truly believe it could be the situation and not some deeper issue. You don’t like being home all the time. There’s nothing wrong with it. Go in like once a week. See how it feels. You can always go back to working from home every day, and then maybe you’ll remember the good points more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both work from home full time and don’t feel like this at all. We’re so busy we often don’t see each other (work on different floors). Occasionally we’ll eat lunch together and maybe watch a show or go on a walk (or other things like a PP mentioned). But even in a smaller house I don’t feel annoyed with him. I would get to the heart of why you’re feeling this way. Is he interrupting you?

I feel the same way as PP above. My husband and I chat during the day, sometimes have lunch together, etc. It's really nice to be able to hang out together a bit during breaks in the work day without the kids.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I work part time out of the house and used to love my two alone home days. About a year ago, DH started going into the office on those two days, I think could tell I was missing my alone time. Often he would be one of three people in a giant office. Now in new job, only goes in one of those days. So at least I have that! I just like NOT hearing video calls all day--we don't have a big house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

Hmm do you are a long married couple without kids? You have bigger issues, this should move to relationship.

Lolol! I’m not looking for relationship advice. I’m headed back to the office. Problem solved. Not sure why you are so emotional about it.

Why did you feel the need to announce this with a thread then?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your plan for retirement?

To have a passion job.

Into your 80s?