I think Telework is Killing my Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's your plan for retirement?

To have a passion job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

BS. What modern applications require more bandwidth than a local coffee shop?

I remote into our desktop with data processing software (running gigs of data to make plots and stats), works fine from anywhere even on my mobile hotspot.

Are you running software from your desktop pulling data from your work servers — if that is the case your IT dept is incompetent.

So you are on calls 4 hours a day; spend the other four hours at the library in the quiet room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

Hmm do you are a long married couple without kids? You have bigger issues, this should move to relationship.

[Anonymous]

I was 100 percent WFH three years due to Covid and entire time never once had sex with spouse or did anything together during work hours. It was unnatural to both be home all day.

They say marriage is forever but not for lunch, couples need to be separate during a work day. Much healthier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

Because I have to VPN in, do database work on production systems and have to present on video calls all day to clients? Shall I bring my 2nd monitor to the coffee shop and demand silence?

I’d say yea I'm pretty inflexible when it comes to being able to actually perform my job duties. I’m not sure why you all are so triggered I can’t go to a coffee shop or park when I have an office 10min from my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

Hmm do you are a long married couple without kids? You have bigger issues, this should move to relationship.

Lolol! I’m not looking for relationship advice. I’m headed back to the office. Problem solved. Not sure why you are so emotional about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

Hmm do you are a long married couple without kids? You have bigger issues, this should move to relationship.

Lolol! I’m not looking for relationship advice. I’m headed back to the office. Problem solved. Not sure why you are so emotional about it.

Why did you feel the need to announce this with a thread then?

[Anonymous]

Same OP same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both work from home full time and don’t feel like this at all. We’re so busy we often don’t see each other (work on different floors). Occasionally we’ll eat lunch together and maybe watch a show or go on a walk (or other things like a PP mentioned). But even in a smaller house I don’t feel annoyed with him. I would get to the heart of why you’re feeling this way. Is he interrupting you?

This.

We both work remotely and share an office. We chit chat here and there during the day but it's not overbearing at all. It's been like this for the last three years. Sometimes I go for a walk just to get air but it's not because I'm sick of him. The time we spend working isn't "together time" at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

I’m not sure I understand this comment.

We’ve both always been hybrid and both went fully remote pandemic. It’s only in the last 6months that I feel I need my space for the sake of my marriage. We’ve always had very distinct lives and it’s just to mashed together now.

I make time to vacation 2 weeks a year with either friends or my family of origin and always feel so exited to come home and see him. Same goes for when he travels. Love welcoming him home.

I’m starting back in the office tomorrow.

Hmm do you are a long married couple without kids? You have bigger issues, this should move to relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP can you work in your garage? Car? Patio? Bathroom? Kitchen? Basement?

[Anonymous]

My DH WFH full time and I WFH 1-2 days a week. I HATE him WFH so much. I'm never alone in my own house and our house is constantly echoing with conference calls. I'd give anything for him to go back to an office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.

Honestly, this response is very telling, OP, as to why you can't WFH with another person. It sounds like you are somewhat inflexible and feel your job is the most important thing in the world.

Because I have to VPN in, do database work on production systems and have to present on video calls all day to clients? Shall I bring my 2nd monitor to the coffee shop and demand silence?

I’d say yea I'm pretty inflexible when it comes to being able to actually perform my job duties. I’m not sure why you all are so triggered I can’t go to a coffee shop or park when I have an office 10min from my house.

I’m in a few hours of video calls a day and they are spread throughout the day. Also, many of us have work that wouldn’t, while not classified, be appropriate for someone to hear and/or see on the screen. And, yes, some of it is material that ends up being reported on by major news outlets. So, not always so simple to just go to the library for four hours.