I think Telework is Killing my Marriage

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

[Anonymous]

I think going back to work is a great idea. But I think you also need to spend time figuring out WHY you feel so much hostility. Are you self conscious if you take breaks and know he's working? Do you feel like you cant relax because someone else is in the house?

As for retirement, I think its important for everyone to have a passion project or hobby that gets them out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think going back to work is a great idea. But I think you also need to spend time figuring out WHY you feel so much hostility. Are you self conscious if you take breaks and know he's working? Do you feel like you cant relax because someone else is in the house?

As for retirement, I think its important for everyone to have a passion project or hobby that gets them out of the house.

It’s nothing specific, just cabin fever. I never miss him now, I never look forward to seeing him. I don’t call him just to say hi. It’s like WFH has sucked the passion out of me.

I do love the perks I have here at home such as getting a head start in dinner and starting work at 8am without a commute or frantic rush. But being happy in my marriage is more satisfying than marinating my chicken at noon.

[Anonymous]

Do you have sex during lunch? I work from an office and dh is at home. The couple days month i wfh we have lunch and sex together and its lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have sex during lunch? I work from an office and dh is at home. The couple days month i wfh we have lunch and sex together and its lovely.

Sure, the key is that you only WFH on occasion. Massive difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have sex during lunch? I work from an office and dh is at home. The couple days month i wfh we have lunch and sex together and its lovely.

OP here.

Your situation sounds lovely and I bet if I only WFH a few days a month I might be inclined. But with this 24x7 togetherness , that’s so far from my brain.

I should have known this about myself. I actually loved when we both traveled pre pandemic. Would always miss him and have great sex when we were reunited.

Distance, for me, does make the heart grow fonder.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both work from home full time and don’t feel like this at all. We’re so busy we often don’t see each other (work on different floors). Occasionally we’ll eat lunch together and maybe watch a show or go on a walk (or other things like a PP mentioned). But even in a smaller house I don’t feel annoyed with him. I would get to the heart of why you’re feeling this way. Is he interrupting you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. My DH has been WFH 100% since covid started and I have worked from home more myself. If I were so inclined I could be home 100% as well, but I choose to go in 2/3 days a week because of what you describe. It’s nice to miss your spouse and actually be able to catch up at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

I think the easy solution is to go back in to the office if that's an option.

I know people who rent wework space just to get away from home/their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is stopping you from working from a library or a coffeeshop or renting your own workspace. I do think there are deeper things within you at play here.

[Anonymous]

What's your plan for retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

[Anonymous]

So he doesn’t bother you and has a separate room to work? This is totally on you, as you felt like you were owed the entire house to yourself during the day and now resent changing.

I get it. I LOVE having the house to myself. It’s a certain peace that’s hard to replicate.

But we have 3 kids, it NEVER happens. That’s life.

I would recommend building a she-shed.

[Anonymous]

Maybe schedule one weekly lunch walk and once weekly lunch date together. And, I hear you OP. I go nuts when my dh WFH. He is really " judgey" that I need to have the tv on for background noise even though he has his own " man-cave" on another floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work from home. We were always hybrid before the pandemic, but now are 100% remote. I think I'm going to head back into the office. I am so so so so so so sick of being in the house with him, even though 90% of the day we are separated. This is too much together. I'm getting resentful of his very presence and this is really not a healthy way to feel becuase he is a great guy and does not deserve this hostility I feel.

This has me mildly concerend for retirement. I think I will need to have a low key passion job when I retire. No way can we be 24x7 together, I will crawl out of my skin.

Why are you working AT home everyday? Go somewhere. Do it outside, at a park, at a library, at a coffee shop, on a train. Anywhere.

Unfortunately I need very high speed internet to run the applications I use, public spaces usually are too loud for my calls (I’m on video calls probably 4hrs a day) and need silence.

I live 10min from the office so I’ll just be going in.