Invited 35 people for my 12 year old’s B-Day. Only 6 came

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we only do family dinners for bd. Bd person gets to choose the location. I don’t set my kids up for failure on their special days. We have great memories of these dinners.

Same. Keep it simple. You knew the outcome probably was going to be disappointing. Next time let him pick a restaurant to celebrate his birthday.

[Anonymous]

OP (if this is real) --

I am sorry you are going through this, but it's not really normal for a mom to throw a party for a 12 year old and invite numerous kids, and expecting them to come.

Usually the 12 year old does something with their very few close friends.

12 is a tough age, and it's super common for a 12 year old to not really feel like they have good enough friends to do much, and instead opt for a celebration with (nuclear) family.

I don't know what is going on with your extended family. I think that is a separate issue.

I don't think the disability directly has anything to do with the party.

I'm sorry you lost a family member to suicide. Your son's feelings about that also seem like a different issue.

A lot going on here but I think you probably should have chosen a different path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

OP does not need a lecture about how unpopular her child is right now or how her strategy did not work. She knows this. Inviting all those people was a desperate attempt. OP I do think a better strategy next time would be to confirm individually with a few friends or classmates.

To the PP who said kids don't randomly just show up it sounds like you are raising an unkind child. My child is 12 and was invited to several parties thrown by people they were not particularly close with. They saw it as an opportunity to get to know the other child better and they were glad they went as they were one of only a handful who attended.

Most kids would not show up. You can say everyone is raising unkind children but that doesn’t change the reality. Most teenagers are figuring out who they are and yes tend to be unkind.

Unkind? Tweens have busy lives. Weekends are crazy. Family obligations, Sports, Trips, so many commitments. It's normal not to go to a birthday party of a kid they're not close to. That's not an indictment on their character.

[Anonymous]

Agree wtih everyone else.

1. Your child needs to see a psychologist/therapist.

2. Going forward, choose 1-2 good friends and do something special. My child has two good friends. I texted their parents to make sure their kids were available on a specific date and the kids together came up with fun birthday plans. So much easier this way.

[Anonymous]

Next time, you go with a very small group of friends that will come and plan around their schedules.

Then have separate thing for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believes so many of you don't get it. I think OP was just hoping some kind kid or kids would show up. She wasn't trying to have some huge party. Obviously if her child had 2-3 close friends she would have just done something with them.

No, you are the one that doesn’t seem to get it. Kids don’t just show up at this age unless they are friends or know friends are coming, as they are also awkward, socially self conscious, and don’t want to be the only one around people they don’t know.

My daughter invited her entire block class in 6th grade to a Halloween party the Saturday before Halloween and only one kid showed who wasn’t a friend - luckily it wasn’t awkward bc he wasn’t the only one. But I never would have let her do that if I wasn’t positive that at least a couple friends would be there (it was 10-12 kids I think)

Mom/dad needed to ensure at least a couple friends before doing an all group invite

OP does not need a lecture about how unpopular her child is right now or how her strategy did not work. She knows this. Inviting all those people was a desperate attempt. OP I do think a better strategy next time would be to confirm individually with a few friends or classmates.

To the PP who said kids don't randomly just show up it sounds like you are raising an unkind child. My child is 12 and was invited to several parties thrown by people they were not particularly close with. They saw it as an opportunity to get to know the other child better and they were glad they went as they were one of only a handful who attended.

Most kids would not show up. You can say everyone is raising unkind children but that doesn’t change the reality. Most teenagers are figuring out who they are and yes tend to be unkind.

+1,000. You can be sanctimonious all you like, PP. The truth is that MOST kids that age won’t go if it’s not a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Mom, you are posting about people not showing up to a party but your original posts doesn't say anything like "we thought his best friend Bob would at least be rhere" or "his friend Kyle mentioned wanting to go but never showed"
You're counting on a party to cover for the fact that your son doesn't sound like he has any friends. I mean friends, not people he talks to at school.
I would post more about his social issues on the special needs board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, you are posting about people not showing up to a party but your original posts doesn't say anything like "we thought his best friend Bob would at least be rhere" or "his friend Kyle mentioned wanting to go but never showed"
You're counting on a party to cover for the fact that your son doesn't sound like he has any friends. I mean friends, not people he talks to at school.
I would post more about his social issues on the special needs board.

Kids are very busy during this age range. You set your kid up for failure. Enroll him in a bunch of activities so he’s also busy and has authentic connections.

Mom fail.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. I haven't read all the responses. Here is what we learned:
*Invite a small group of tried and true friends where you know parents and can count on them or just 1 close friend
*Make it convenient and easy for them. Do not have it at a remote location where family is stuck there or doing a lot of driving
*Make sure you have done your part as well with those you invite. If you cancelled last minute or your kid didn't make it to their party, don't expect them to definitely come unless it is very convenient for them
*Keep things simple. Some kids are over-scheduled. Not everyone has time for a movie and lunch and it's not easy to leave a movie half way, but everyone seems to love just having time to hang out at someone's house and have some pizza and cake. Things like lazer tag or whatever are a bonus, but know my kids have truly enjoyed parties where the parents don't interfere with a bunch of planned things and just let them have fun with a few options they can do on their own without a bunch of adults telling making the rules.

[Anonymous]

Saying the mom and her two toddlers who came by "almost doesn't count" doesn't seem very nice. She made the effort to be kind and you crapped all over her good intentions, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you failed as a parent. A terribly organized party. You should have asked family and friends first for their availability for the birthday party. Only then should you have fixed the date.

Always start the party list by getting the dates and acceptance from the core group of your kid's closest friends. Pick a date that suits everyone. Text, talk, email the parents and get their agreement. Build up a guest list from there. And remind the parents too before the party. How convenient and desirable do you make it for others to attend your party?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry. This happened to my son on his 6th birthday. It was a combination of Easter, baseball, soccer, etc. Only one student from his entire class could come, but we were able to gather a few more kids from some family friends. While I was upset on his behalf, I did not make a big deal out of it in front of him — I just said that people had other obligations. I shied away from big birthday parties after that and just stuck to a few close friends/family.

[Anonymous]

OP I already posted with some ideas for the future, but just wanted to mention something out that play out at this age..

Sometimes they do have close friends, but decide to try to make a play for a cooler crowd that seems interested. They will exclude the real friends and then in backfires when they find out the other kids were just using them or having their fun.

If he has close friends-did he actually invite them? If he did, then next time definitely coordinate with those parents and make sure you make it convenient and easy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why you don't do birthday parties after what like 1st grade?

+1 You know your kid isn't popular and you are setting him up for this. For a 12 year old, you should already know who will come and who won't before you send out invitations. If that means a birthday party is an evening out with mom and dad, then that's what it is.

I really feel bad saying this but this is exactly what I thought. OP perhaps you can seek some guidance too.